“My mama only died four moon cycles ago, but when I wake every morning, I forget for a few moments. It feels like yesterday for me too.”
Ezah’s arm brushed mine.
“Perhaps it will always feel that way,” he said. “I think when you love someone, the disbelief that they’re gone will always be present.”
I agreed.
I turned my head and looked up at him. I felt my stomach flip like it had recently begun to do whenever I saw him. I found that I had an overwhelming urge to tell him that I couldn’t be his friend. I wanted to tell him that I liked him, that he made my heart beat fast and tummy fill with flutters. Ezah turned his sunset pink eyes on me.
“You look conflicted.”
“I’m trying to find courage,” I admitted bravely, “to tell you what is on my mind, my prince.”
“Shall I give you some of my courage to help you?”
When I smiled, Ezah drew in a sharp breath. His eyes roamed over my face, and I found myself hoping and praying that a male such as he could possibly return my interest. I wanted him … I really wanted him.
“I can’t be your friend, my prince.” I blurted. “I know I said I would be, but I cannot.”
He didn’t look surprised by my outburst.
“May I ask why?”
“Because … Because I like you, Ezah.” My hands shook. “I’m attracted to you. I’ve never liked a male before, not in my whole life. It’s scary and exciting and confusing and many other things. I don’t expect anything in return, but I just wanted to be brave for a moment and let you know.”
When he said nothing, I wanted the ground to open and swallow me whole. The urge to run away was strong, but my feet remained rooted to the spot, and I didn’t look away from Ezah’s mesmerising eyes.
“You have interest in me?”
“Yes.” My voice sounded squeaky.
“But you told Nero you had interest in another male when you rejected his intention offer.”
Heat climbed up my neck. “That male was you.”
“Me?”
He didn’t look mad or disgusted, which I took as a good sign.
“You have interest in me even though I don’t smile, growl a lot, and look mean all of the time?”
I frowned. “I don’t think you look mean all of the time … just some of the time.”
His sudden laughter caught me off guard. The sound was musical, and his smile … it almost knocked me off my feet.
“And you do smile.” I nudged him with my hand. “You’re smiling right now.”
He realised this and touched both hands to his cheeks as if not believing he was capable of such a thing. He dropped his hands, lost his smile, and focused on me.
“I smile for you, Levi.”
My heart jumped.
“Can I tell you something that will help you understand me and why I am the way that I am?”
I bobbed my head. “Yes.”
“I have an interest in you too,” Ezah said, shocking me. “As a male does when he wants a female. I feel many things because of this. Excitement and confusion because it has been so long since I’ve felt such emotions, but I also feel shame. This is why I look mean all of the time.”
My stomach lurched. “Because of Kovu?”
He nodded, watching me carefully.
“I feel like I am betraying her for having an interest in you, and I don’t know how to fix it. She was my female, but she is dead. She is in the Beyond with Thanas, and I … I can’t have her. She is lost to me.”
My heart ached for him.
“I don’t believe she is lost forever.” I soothed. “I believe that one day when my life has run its course, I’ll be reunited with my mother again. I think that will happen for you and Kovu too.”
Ezah’s stare was so intense it made my breath catch.
“Was she pretty?”
“No.” He shook his head. “She was like you.”
“Like me?”
“Yes, she was beautiful.”
My lips parted. “Ezah.”
“Don’t say you aren’t beautiful because you are.” Ezah’s voice sounded raspy. “Your physical beauty stuns me, and though I have only been in your presence a few times, your inner beauty has blinded me, Levi. I’ve watched you with Nuni, with Nicah and little Asia, and I see how you love others even when you’re scared about not getting love in return. You’re a truly fierce female.”
“Fierce?” I whispered. “I’m not fierce, Ezah. I’m always scared. Always.”
“True fierceness becomes you when you’re at your most vulnerable because while you want to run away … you don’t.” He lifted his hands to my face and cupped my cheeks. “You want to run away from me right now because you’re scared of what will become of this conversation but here you stand.”
“Are … Are you not scared?”
“Wildly,” he answered. “I know I said Maji don’t let the unknown deter us from taking what we want, but it is different for me. The unknown terrifies me. It robbed me of a female before. I can’t think of it happening again … that is one of the biggest reasons my attraction to you worries me. I don’t want you gone like Kovu.”