That broke my heart.
“I’m sorry, sweetie.”
Damien looked at me and smiled. “You sounded like Branna just then.”
“’Cause I called you sweetie?”
He nodded. “I was pretty torn up when my parents died, more so than my brothers because I needed the affection I never got from them, so naturally, I tried to get their attention whenever possible. I didn’t have to do that with Branna; she loved me and my brothers after she fell in love with Ry. She’s more of a mom to me than my real mom. Ryder is more of a dad to me, too.”
I swallowed past the lump that formed in my throat.
“I’m sorry you didn’t have a lovin’ relationship with your parents. I can’t imagine me life bein’ like that,” I said, squeezing his hand in what I hoped was a gesture of comfort. “I’m at odds with me da right now, but I still love him. It’s why hatin’ ’im hurts so bad because … I still love ’im.”
“He is your dad, baby,” Damien said gently. “I know this will be hard to hear, but what he did to your mom was between them. He is still your dad.”
I looked down at my lap.
“But she is me ma,” I said softly. “He broke not only her trust, but mine, too. He is the man I once would measure up me future husband against in hopes I could find someone as great as ’im, and I can’t do that anymore because if the man I grew up lovin’ me whole life could do what he did to me ma, someone who would die for ’im, every other man was always gonna come up short for me.”
“Even me?”
“I want to say no, but yeah, even you,” I answered honestly. “You could say this situation added to me already lengthy list of trust issues.”
I closed my eyes when Damien leaned in and kissed my head, his lips lingering for a few moments. I sighed, opened my eyes, and stared up at him. I loved his eyes. They were grey with a circle of white around each iris.
“I don’t mind spending forever assuring you I’m not going anywhere, freckles.”
My heart thudded.
“You shouldn’t have to, though,” I said. “That’s not fair to you.”
“Building a solid trust takes time,” Damien assured me. “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
“Does that mean you have trust issues?”
“Not so much trust issues as straight-up fear.”
I sat upright and blinked.
“What are you scared of?”
“That things won’t work out between us,” Damien answered. “It makes me sick to think about it being a possibility, but I know it could be one, so I’m scared of it.”
My jaw dropped, and Damien’s lips twitched.
“Yeah, you aren’t the only one terrified if things go sideways.”
“You’ve made me feel so ... human with that admission.”
“Human?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Like I’m not bein’ overdramatic and fearin’ our relationship endin’ isn’t a legit worry when it is.”
“Of course, it is,” Damien said, his thumb stroking the back of my hand. “Any one of my brothers will tell you the same, and so would the girls I’m willing to bet.”
After my talk with Alec, I knew they would, too.
“Thanks for sharin’ that with me about your parents,” I said softly. “I know that couldn’t have been easy.”
Damien’s body relaxed. “I haven’t really thought about them in a while; it’s nice every now and again to reflect on things in the past, just so I can look at who I am as a person now.”
I smiled. “That’s a lovely way to look at it.”
Damien’s eyes locked on my mouth, but there was no heat in his stare.
“What is it?”
“I never meant what I said to you that night in Darkness,” he said, licking his lower lip. “I know I’ve told you that already, but I want you to know that I only said it because I knew it would hurt you and push you away. I was terrified of how you cared for me, and how I cared about you, and my reaction was to hurt you and force you away. In a fucked up way, I thought I was protecting you.”
I lifted my palm and cupped his cheek.
“I know you’ll never forget it, but I hope you’ll forgive me one day for saying it.”
“I do forgive you,” I said sincerely. “I hope you forgive me for how I let you believe everythin’ was your fault. I’m sorry.”
“Babe.” He smiled softly. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I do,” I pressed. “What I did was wrong and unjust. I was angry, and let that anger blow what happened out of proportion. Please don’t make what I did seem any less horrid because we’re together now.”
“Okay,” Damien whispered. “I forgive you now, and I forgave years ago, too.”
I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his. Feeling content, happy, and so secure it was almost frightening.