“Promise?”
He kissed the crown of my head. “Promise.”
“Bring clothes with you this time, and your toothbrush, so that way you won’t have to go back home before work. You can just shower ’ere and then leave.”
Damien asked, “Is that your way of saying you want me to stay overnight with you?”
I stilled as doubt flooded me.
“Do you not want to?”
“Hey,” Damien said and didn’t speak further until I looked at him. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Don’t retreat into yourself when you’re unsure of something; you overthink things when you do that.”
I frowned. “I do?”
“Yeah,” Damien replied. “You do.”
I nodded.
“And to answer your question, I do want to stay the night with you. I want to stay every night if you’ll let me. I wasn’t going to ask because this is all new … I didn’t want to push my luck.”
“You said we aren’t playing a game, you said we’re the other’s partner, and partners sleep in the same bed together.”
Damien’s lips twitched. “That they do.”
“I’m not askin’ you to move in,” I said, feeling my cheeks heat. “I just … I’ve spent a long time in limbo over you, and if I’m honest … I’m lonely.”
“Lonely?” Damien repeated.
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Not friendship wise just …”
“Boyfriend wise?”
“I guess.”
“Is that why you spent time with Dante?”
I swallowed. “Yes and no.”
Damien inhaled and exhaled a breath and said, “Tell me. I want to know.”
“It’s embarrassin’.”
“It’s me you’re talking to, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart.
“Okay,” I said softly. “When … when things started out with Dante, it was just to prove somethin’ to meself.”
Damien was silent, so I continued.
“I wanted to prove that I was so hung up on you because I was young and dumb … and since Dante is so much like how you were at eighteen, I figured that if I slept with ’im and didn’t get bent out of shape, then it’d prove that me age was a factor in how broke up over you I was.”
“And was it?” Damien asked quietly.
“No, because I still feel the same way about you just as I did when I was eighteen.” I sighed. “I had no romantic interest in Dante, but I’ve always had that interest in you, even when I’d deny it to meself. When you kissed me the other day, I felt it in me soul … I know that sounds stupid, but I’ve never felt like that with anyone but you. Granted you’re the only lad I’ve ever kissed, but still, everythin’ is about you in me mind. It always has been. Whether it was good or bad, it was constantly you.”
Damien reached his hand over and cupped my cheek.
“I’m the only man you’ve ever kissed?”
I bobbed my head. “Only you.”
“I feel the same way,” he said. “I tried to move on when I returned to New York. During a low point, I went to a few bars and told myself I was going to pick the first hot chick I saw and fuck her … but I never did. You were on my mind constantly, and not just because I felt like shit over how things ended between us … but because I cared about you. You’re such a sweetheart, Alannah, and I’ve always carried you in my heart even when I was thousands of miles away.”
I covered my face with my hands when tears stung my eyes.
“Stop,” I pleaded. “I don’t want to cry all over you again.”
Damien pulled me against him. “You know we aren’t like a regular boyfriend and girlfriend who’re just starting out, right?”
I lowered my hands and nodded.
“We have history,” Damien continued. “So, don’t worry about what’s right and wrong when it comes to how we should behave. If it feels right to have me next to you at night in your bed, then I’ll be here … okay?”
“Okay,” I replied. “I want you ’ere with me. I’ve never felt so content fallin’ asleep as I did last night with you beside me.”
I was mortified admitting that, but Damien’s smile told me I had no reason to feel that way.
“Me too,” he said. “I lay awake for a while just listening to you breathe and enjoying having you in my arms.”
“Dame,” I murmured.
He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, giving me a short and sweet kiss.
“You make me very happy,” Damien whispered. “Remember that whenever you start to doubt yourself or feel scared.”
“You make me happy too,” I said, “and like I said, I’m still scared shitless, but I don’t regret tryin’ with you.”
Bronagh was right; if I didn’t try with Damien, my mind would be plagued with what-ifs for the rest of my life. As hard as it was for me to do, I had to think positive; otherwise, I would be sabotaging my relationship with Damien before it even started. This was truly out of my comfort zone; by being with him, I was going against everything I had forced myself to believe for six years. My mind set wouldn’t change overnight, but I was willing to try, and right now, that was the best I could do.