I had to force myself not to be sick.
“When did you both find out?”
“Last Tuesday,” Da answered.
My posture went rigid. My ma had cancer, and he knew about it, and he still ... he still was cheating on her.
“It’s goin’ to be okay, love—”
“Don’t touch me!” I slapped my da’s hand away when he reached for my hand.
His mouth dropped open in shock as he looked at his hand like it was a second head.
“Love.” He frowned. “What’s the matter?”
“Ye’know fuckin’ well, you piece of shite.”
He choked on air. “Alannah!”
“I know,” I said, my jaw setting.
“Ye’know what?” he demanded, lowering his voice and glancing at the doorway. “What are you talkin’ about, Alannah?”
I wanted to thump him for looking so bemused; he had no right to pretend he was in the dark.
“I know about that tramp you’re seein’ behind Ma’s back!”
I watched as the blood drained from my da’s face, and an expression close to terror took hold.
“Yeah,” I sneered. “You’d better be afraid.”
“Don’t tell ’er,” he pleaded, his eyes darting from me to the doorway and back again. “Not now.”
“You’re sick,” I told him. “You’re lower than low.”
“I know.” He nodded, swallowing. “I know.”
“Why?” I demanded, a lump forming in my throat. “Why would you ever want someone other than Ma? That woman worships the ground you walk on.”
“I know she does,” he clipped. “I know, okay? It was a moment of weakness.”
I sat back, and laughed humourlessly.
“Alannah,” he pleaded, his hands now shaking. “Please, don’t tell your mother.”
“I could kill you,” I said, my fingers flexing as I balled my hands into fists. “I could kill you right ’ere and now, and I wouldn’t feel a single shred of remorse.”
My da stared at me, his eyes unblinking.
“Bear—”
“Don’t you dare call me that!”
He flinched at the coldness in my tone.
“Please, baby,” he croaked. “Please, I’m so sorry.”
“I hate you for this,” I continued. “I hate you.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed, his skin paled, and I could have sworn I saw his heart break right in from of me. He had to clasp his hands together to stop them from shaking.
“I’m so sorry.”
I lifted my chin. “You’ll never be sorry enough.”
“I ended it,” he quietly exclaimed. “The day I went to the hospital with your ma, and we found out she was sick, I ended it. It’s taken possibly losin’ your ma to make me see she is the only woman I have ever loved and will ever love. She is me first priority, and next to you, she is me entire world. She is, Alannah. I swear to you. I love ‘er more than life.”
I glared at him, hate flowing through my veins like blood.
“Don’t tell ’er,” he repeated. “I’m beggin’ you.”
“You don’t deserve ’er.”
“You’re right, I don’t,” Da frantically agreed, flicking his eyes towards the doorway every few seconds. “But please don’t say anythin’. She needs to focus on ’er upcomin’ treatment and beatin’ this sickness, Alannah.”
Anger surged through me.
“How dare you!” I snapped. “How dare you use ’er struggle to keep me quiet!”
“Alannah!” Da almost growled. “Hate me as much as you want, but don’t put your ma through any more pain than necessary.”
“Me?” I whispered incredulously. “I’ve done nothin’! You’re the cheatin’ wanker stickin’ his dick in another woman.”
My da’s jaw dropped. “I have never had sex with Olivia.”
Olivia. That was the tramp’s name.
“I don’t believe you.”
“On me life, I didn’t, Alannah.” He swore. “We kissed, and touched, but it never went as far as sex. It doesn’t excuse anythin’, and it is still a complete betrayal of your ma’s trust, but your mother … she is the only woman I have ever been physically intimate with. It’s been her since I was seventeen.”
“It was her until you met that tramp.”
Da’s whole body slumped.
“I will forever be sorry for breakin’ your ma’s trust. I will, Alannah, but please, think about what tellin’ ’er will do to ’er when we need ’er to be at ’er strongest.”
I began to shake with temper.
“You’re a coward,” I told him. “You’re a fuckin’ coward.”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I know.”
I heard footsteps descend the stairs, and I felt my da’s eyes burn into me with one last plea to keep my mouth shut. I ignored him and focused on my ma as she entered the room. Her eyes were only slightly red, and she had a smile back in place on her beautiful face. She looked directly at me and found I was already staring at her. She came to my side, sat down, and placed a hand on my knee.
“We’re goin’ to get through this,” she told me, her back straight. “There is nothin’ the three of us can’t beat together.”
The three of us … together. Fuck.
When she hugged me, I looked directly at my da, and when I gave him a slight nod, he practically deflated with relief. I turned from him, closed my eyes, and focused on my ma. I would keep my da’s harrowing secret from her for a little bit longer because he was right about one thing—we needed her to focus on beating her sickness, not on him breaking his vows.