I closed my eyes. “It sounds so stupid when you say it out loud.”
“It’s not stupid, hon,” Ma assured me as she wrapped her arm around my waist. “It’s just unfortunate that the person you care for is the person you’re also terrified can break you.”
I opened my eyes.
“I wish I could click me fingers and get over everythin’ ... it’s just so hard. A voice in the back of me head reminds me of how hurt I once was because of our actions when we were eighteen. What if I got over everythin’ and gave ’im a chance, and then everythin’ went wrong? I can’t imagine how much it’d hurt if I loved ’im and lost ’im. I get anxiety over it.”
“I understand that, and that worry is completely valid ... but it’s also no way to live your life. Worryin’ about somethin’ that may never happen is like takin’ a sip of poison each day. Nothin’ good will come from it. The only person you’ll be hurtin’ is yourself.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I know.”
“What about the other lad?” Ma asked as she reached down and smacked my behind.
I yelped as she went over and sat at the kitchen table.
“The other man.” I sighed. “Is Dante Collins.”
“Any relation to Aideen?”
“Oh, only ’er older brother.”
Ma whistled. “Well, you fucked up there, love.”
I shouldn’t have laughed, but I did.
“Want to know the worst part?” I quizzed. “I was with ’im in private, and no one knew about it except Dante’s brother Harley ’cause they’re each other’s soundboard, but everyone found out when I told Damien after he asked me out for lunch last week.”
“Oh, shite.”
“Oh shite is right.” I snorted. “I’m good with Aideen, though. I worked up the courage to speak to ’er about it this afternoon.”
“That’s good,” Ma said. “Why ’er older brother, though?”
“Well, Dante is exactly like Damien used to be. He doesn’t understand the word commitment, and he is way too handsome and charmin’ for his own good.” I continued to dice the food. “I wanted to see if I could have a purely physical relationship with ’im without developin’ an emotional attachment.”
“You did a sex test on the man?”
“Ma,” I groaned. “Don’t say it like that. You make it sound creepy.”
“Sorry.” She snorted. “Go on.”
“I just wanted to prove to meself that me age was the sole reason Damien affected me the way he did.”
“But you’re twenty-four now, and you still feel the same hurt over Damien, and the same attraction ... right?”
I grunted. “Right.”
“So, your age wasn’t the problem; you just had a strong connection with the lad.”
Another grunt. “I guess so.”
“So, your sex test with Dante really wasn’t all that necessary.”
“Ma.”
“What?” She chuckled. “I’m only sayin’.”
I shook my head.
“About the test, though,” she continued. “It wouldn’t really prove anythin’ unless the sexual subject was Damien. You can have sex with many men and leave them, but you wouldn’t be able to prove anythin’ unless you had sex with Damien and left ’im. He is the one who got you all tied up in knots in the first place, so you’d have to experiment with him to see if your theory was accurate.”
My mouth dropped open.
“That’s exactly what Bronagh said!”
Ma grinned. “I always said she was a bright girl.”
I shook my head. “I’m not havin’ sex with Damien just to prove a theory.”
“Why not?” Ma quizzed. “You had sex with Dante to prove it.”
She was a smartarse, but a smartarse who made total sense.
“That’s enough talkin’ about who I have sex with, thank you very much.”
Ma laughed, and it brought a smile to my face. I loved her laugh.
“It’s all so interestin’, though,” she continued. “Two men and only one of you.”
“It’s worse because Damien and Dante never really got on.”
“And now they hate each other?”
“Pretty much,” I said. “They fought today over me.”
“Hold on,” Ma said with a snap of her fingers. “So, you’ve be sleepin’ with Aideen’s older brother, and no one knew about it, but now everyone knows about it, and the man who you clearly have feelings for knows, and hates the older brother, and fought ’im over you?”
“Basically.”
Ma clapped her hands together. “This is like an episode of Maury!”
“Ma!” I tittered. “This isn’t funny.”
“Of course not,” she said, folding her hands on her lap. “Please, proceed.”
“There is nothin’ else to say.” I shrugged. “Me and Dante are goin’ to be just friends, and Damien wants to talk to me tonight about everythin’ that’s happened between us, but after seein’ them both fight over me ... it’s left a bad taste in me mouth.”
“Two gorgeous men fightin’ the other to win your heart is romantic, not tasteless.”
I rolled my eyes. “You read too many romance books.”
“Blame Keela,” Ma countered. “She recommends all them to me.”
I chuckled. “Have you read her book yet?”