His words were the honest truth, and I think that was why they pained me so much.
“You were right. This was a mistake, but I’ve made it.” I swallowed. “And I’ll learn from it, too.”
Damien reached for me, but I moved farther away from him and headed towards the connecting room that I assumed was a bathroom.
“I don’t want to speak to you anymore, Damien,” I said as I opened the door.
I never wanted to speak to him again.
“Lana,” was all he said.
“Alannah,” I said, my hold on the door handle tightening. “Me name is Alannah.”
I entered the bathroom, closed the door behind me, and locked it. Aimlessly, I relieved myself and cleaned up as best as I could with small pieces of tissue paper. Instead of leaving the bathroom, I leaned my back against the wall and slid down it until my behind hit the floor.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, but it was long enough for the tears that flowed from my eyes and splashed onto my cheeks to dry. Between my thighs felt strange—like a sweet tenderness that I couldn’t shake. I thought I heard raised voices, and when I heard a knock on the door, I flinched.
“Lana?” I heard my name being softly spoken. “It’s me; can I come in?”
Bronagh.
I stood up, moved over to the door, unlocked it, and then sat on the closed lid of the toilet. Bronagh entered the bathroom and quickly locked it behind her. She kicked off her heels, bent down to her knees, and then reached forward and engulfed me into a tight hug. When I put my arms around her, I released a pain laced cry.
At that moment, I was both hurt and mortified. I realised I had thrown myself at Damien like I had no shame, and now, shame was all that filled me. I couldn’t begin to form the words to tell Bronagh how forward I behaved out of fear that she would judge me, so I kept my mouth shut.
“It’s goin’ to be okay, Lana. You’re strong and won’t let an annoyin’ American prick get you down, right?”
I managed a snort as I pulled back from our hug. I grabbed some tissue to wipe up the snot running from my nose. I was a mess, and I knew I looked as bad as I felt.
“You know somethin’?” I sniffled. “I know Nico is your fella, but I thought he was the prick and Damien was the nice one. I was so wrong. Nico is honest and has always been ‘imself whether you like ‘im or hate ‘im. Damien, though... He is like a snake in human form. I hate ‘im.”
I couldn’t fault Damien for being upfront before we had sex, but the lies he spewed during it and the bullshit excuse he had for saying them angered me.
“If it makes you feel better,” Bronagh interjected, “Dominic really is a prick.”
I started laughing through my tears. I frowned when Bronagh sat down on her behind and winced at the contact. It was a reminder that she was no longer a virgin either, but her first time had been magical, while mine had the magic sucked from me ten seconds after ending.
“I just realised we both lost our virginity tonight to the twins.”
“Well... at least we can be sore and hate ‘em together.”
I was still upset—that didn’t even begin to cover it—but I laughed at Bronagh’s joke, and the carefree sound helped a tiny bit. Even with my friend by my side and laughter coming from me, I couldn’t help but feel like a layer of stone had just sealed itself over my heart. I would never willingly put myself in a situation where I would feel pain like this again.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
I called Bronagh’s name when the silence that surrounded us was snatched away, and a loud thumping noise could be heard from outside. I didn’t know how I knew, but I knew Damien had left the room with the door open and fled down the corridor and back into the club. Getting as far away from me as he possibly could.
The fucking coward.
Bronagh looked at me when I spoke.
“Yeah?”
“Are you ready to go back outside?” I quizzed. “I can hear ‘RAMPAGE’ bein’ cheered now that they’ve stopped the music for the fight.”
Things were a blur of activity as Bronagh jumped to her feet, put her heels back on, and pulled me out of the room and back down the corridor to the club. Bodies of all shapes and sizes crowded around the platform that Dominic and another fighter were on. I couldn’t concentrate with the noise and a sea of people, so when Bronagh broke through the crowd to reach Dominic after he won the fight, I stayed long enough to hug when she returned to my side. The second she become solely focused on Dominic, I slipped away from her and headed out of the club.