The drive down the mountain on the back roads was stomach churning. The rain was falling heavily, the thunder and lightning hadn’t stopped, and the wind was so strong it caused whistling sounds to fill the car.
My cries became silent, my tears dried up, but my worries still lingered.
“I shouldn’t have left the cabin,” I said.
“Don’t, Branna,” Ryder said firmly. “Playing the what-if game will only upset you more than you already are.”
He was right. I knew he was right, but my mind apparently liked torture.
“Talk about something’ else,” I implored. “Anythin’ else.”
He did just that.
We talked about anything and everything for the first two hours of our journey. I even fell asleep for a while, and when I awoke, we were back in Dublin about only twenty or so minutes away from the hospital. The weather was just as bad as it was on the mountains, but luck was on our side when it came to traffic. Smarter people than us stayed in their homes and off the roads.
“About our fight,” I said to Ryder. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have never been such a dick about why I want five kids, and I should have never pushed the idea on you. It wasn’t fair.”
I remained silent.
“The reason I want five is just because me and my brothers make up five, and I want my kids to have what we have. I want them to have safety, security, love, and loyalty. Before you, my siblings were the only people to offer me any of that.” Ryder’s shoulders slumped as he spoke. “My brothers saved me growing up. Without them, I honestly don’t know what kind of person I would have become back on the compound. It’s just... if anything ever happens to us, I want our children to have brothers or sisters who will help and love them through anything. Apart from you and our baby, Branna, my brothers are my greatest love. They mean everything to me. I’d die for them without hesitation. I guess… I guess I just wanted the baby to have a bond like that too, and I just assumed a bond like that would be in numbers. I’m sorry for forcing my wish onto you, though. I didn’t understand why you didn’t want more kids, but I do now. You aren’t an incubator to just house our kids. It’s your decision on how many—”
“Ours,” I corrected.
Ryder’s eyebrow rose as he glanced for the road to me and back to the road.
“What?”
“Ours,” I repeated. “I was wrong before. It’s our decision. It is me body, but if I’m bein’ honest, it’s your body, too. You love and cherish it—you love and cherish me. Hearin’ your reasons for why you are so adamant about wantin’ five kids isn’t crazy. It’s heartwarmin’, honey. You’re such a good man, and I can’t believe that you’re mine. I will have as many kids as you and God give me. I want our children to have what you and I had growin’ up. Love, happiness, and everything else you listed. Whether it’s with one siblin’ or ten. I want all of that... with you.”
Ryder grabbed my hand for a second then let it go so he could shift gears.
“I want to kiss you so damn bad right now.”
I smiled. “You’ll just have to give me an extra-long one later.”
“You can count on it, darling.”
My heart thrummed against my chest.
“I love you, Ry,” I said, my eyes misting. “You mean the world to me.”
I gasped when he suddenly pulled the car over on the side of the road, unbuckled his belt, and leaned over the console to kiss me.
“There is only so much of your sweet talking I can take,” he murmured against my lips. “I’m only a man.”
I smiled and pressed my forehead against his before he moved back to his side of the car, buckled his belt, and started driving once more.
“You should ring your sister.”
I lost my smile.
“No,” I said. “I don’t want to worry ‘er until I know there is somethin’ to worry about.”
Ryder glanced at me once more.
“She’ll lose her mind if you do that.”
“I don’t care,” I said firmly. “She and everyone else will just worry, and I don’t want to think about that. I just want you and me to go to the hospital, and we’ll go from there, okay?”
“Whatever you want, baby.”
I nodded and placed my hands on my stomach, silently willing the baby to move, but like before, I felt no movement of any kind... not even a flutter. When we pulled into the hospital car park, it wasn’t soon enough. I opened the passenger door and stepped out, but the second I put weight on my sore leg, I yelped.
“Shite,” I said through clenched teeth. “I can walk, but it’s goin’ to be sore.”