Fast and hard poundings replaced the slow and gentle thrusts. Alannah dug her fingers into my flesh, and I was tempted to bite her but held it back. Alannah couldn’t, though. She leaned forward and latched her teeth onto my neck and bit down. I thrust into her so hard in response, a resounding slap echoed in the room.
“Fu...ck! Uh, yeah! You’re going to ruin me for any other woman.”
Alannah moaned in response.
“God, I could keep you forever.”
She pressed her forehead to mine. “Will ye’ keep me?”
“Yes.” I panted, nudging her face with mine. “God, yes. You’re mine.”
I couldn’t think of anything other than sensation as I fucked her, and when she suddenly orgasmed, and her muscles contracted around my cock, I fell apart with her. The pleasure that began to ripple through my body sent small spasms rolling throughout my limbs and left me trembling.
“You promise to keep me?”
“Yes,” I shouted. “I promise. Lana!”
I closed my eyes, biting down on my lower lip as my movements became frantic. My hips jerked as I came, and my muscles tightened as the pressure deflated. Ten or so seconds later, it was like every ounce of tension that had worked its way into my muscles melted away and spread over my body like a deep tissue massage. Completely spent, I fell forward.
“Damien!”
Alannah’s laughter reminded me that I could be hurting her, so I used my elbows to prop myself up, taking most of my weight off her. I focused my vision on her smiling face beneath me, and for a single moment, everything was perfect ... until I realised what I just promised her.
“Hi.” She beamed up at me.
“I didn’t mean to say that,” I blurted.
“Say what?”
“That stuff”—I cleared my throat—”about keeping you.”
A feeling of sickness began to form in the pit of my stomach when hurt flashed in Alannah’s eyes.
“Damien,” she whispered. “Can ye’ not say that while you’re still inside me?”
Fuck.
I looked down at our still connected bodies and quickly pulled out of her. She winced, and I apologised. I disposed of the now used condom and quickly began to redress, but my shirt was somehow ripped so I didn’t bother putting it back on. Alannah redressed too, and when we were decent, we got off the bed.
“I don’t understand what is happenin’,” she said as she slid her high heels back on. “Are ye’ okay?”
No, I wasn’t okay.
“I shouldn’t have said that shit.”
She flinched. “Don’t say that.”
“I have to; otherwise, you’ll believe it.”
“So, what? I’m not to believe that ye’ said ye’d keep me?” she demanded. “That ye’ promised to? What the fuck did ye’ say it for then?”
Because I was a fucking dumbass.
“Alannah, I would have agreed to anything at that point during sex,” I explained. “I couldn’t help it. My mind and body were both focused on the sensation, and my voice took on a role of its own.”
She took a step back away from me.
“You’re ruinin’ this!” she said, her lower lip wobbling. “You’re ruinin’ everythin’ about me first time. Why are ye’ doin’ this to me?”
I held her gaze. “I’m sorry, but I won’t lie to you.”
“What’s the lie?”
“When I promised to keep you.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and I wanted to kick my own ass for upsetting her.
“Damien,” I whispered.
I knew I shouldn’t have had sex with her, I knew she would renter it afterward. I tried to make it clear, but I mustn’t have made it clear enough, so I chose my words carefully so she would stay away from for her own sake. I broke everything I touched, and I was terrified of that happening to Alannah. I had to keep her away from me.
“It’s not that I can’t keep you, Lana; it’s that I don’t want to.”
She stumbled back as if I had struck her. The lie I just told hurt her deeply.
“I’m goin’ to get c-cleaned up,” she choked out.
“No.” I frowned. “Please, we have to talk about this. What I mean is—”
“I don’t think anythin’ ye’ have to say will make me feel better.”
“Alannah—”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s fucking not,” I countered. “I knew this was a bad idea. Just look at how upset you are! This is why I’ve tried to stay away from you. You’re a good girl, and I knew you’d let your emotions take centre stage. This was a mistake!”
Tears fell from her eyes and splashed onto her cheeks.
“Ye’ were right. This was a mistake, but I’ve made it.” She swallowed. “And I’ll learn from it, too.”
I reached for her, but she moved farther away from me and headed towards the door that led to the bathroom.
“I don’t want to speak to ye’ anymore, Damien,” she said as she opened the door. “Just ... just go away. Please.”
“Lana.”
She closed it behind her, and when I heard the lock slide into place, I turned and punched the mattress. Again, I fucked up. I pressed my face into my hands before I lowered them and stared at the door Alannah just walked through. I hurt her, I knew I had, but it was what was best for her. If I gave her false hope that a relationship was possible between us, I would break her heart in the long run, and I refused to do that. She was too good for me; I didn’t deserve someone who was as pure as her. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared down at my shoes.