“Eat fast,” Enzo told me. “We don’t wanna be late this time for tag.”
I rolled my eyes. “Last time was an accident.”
“Ye’ mixed the slot times up by four hours, Da.”
“It could have happened to anyone.”
“No, it couldn’t.” Ares chuckled. “It only ever happens to you.”
Little shit.
“Well, we won’t be late this time, so eat up.”
I started eating my dinner just as Ace huffed and puffed from across the room as he tried to open a jar of carrots. Keela walked into the room, saw him struggling, and tried to help, but it wouldn’t open for her either. I stood and took charge.
“I’ve got this.”
She handed the jar to me, and when she realised I was having difficulty, she smiled, but said nothing ... Ares did, though.
“Da, relax. You’re goin’ to burst a vessel.”
I didn’t let up on trying to open the damn jar.
“You don’t understand, son,” I huffed and puffed. “Opening sealed objects is one of the perks of having me as a husband. As a man, I can’t leave this bastard of a jar unopened. I’ll never get an erection again with it hanging over me.”
“Oh. My. God.” Murphy laughed from the table. “Auntie Alannah is right; you’re out of your bloody trolley.”
My ego breathed easy when the lid of the jar finally loosened, but somehow as I pull my hand away, the wrapping of the jar gave me a paper cut, adding further insult.
“Ow!”
It stung. It stung like a bitch.
“Let me see,” Keela cooed as blood rose from the slit on my thumb.
Ares took the jar of carrots from me as I focused on my wife. She got some paper towels and dabbed at my thumb, wiping away the blood, but it kept on coming.
“Ow, woman.” I hissed when she squeezed my thumb. “Be careful.”
Her lips twitched as she lazily patted at my wound.
“Oh, sure,” I said. “Take your time, it’s not like I’m bleeding to death or anything, so please, go at your own pace.”
Keela rolled her eyes.
“Am I being passive-aggressive?” I asked. “I’m sorry, it must be a side effect of, you know, dying.”
“Alec, it’s a bloody paper cut!”
“Don’t you dare try to lessen the pain I’m feeling! It may as well be a bullet hole because it stings like fuck.”
Keela laughed. “Don’t be a sissy.”
“A sissy?” I admonished. “Sissy? Do you really think stinging pain from a paper cut is something to joke about? If you do, then I’ve truly married a monster.”
Keela laughed as she got a Band-Aid, wrapped my thumb up, and sealed it with a kiss. “You’ll survive.”
“Smartass.”
She left the room with a grin.
In record time, me and my kids had consumed our dinner, left the house, and headed to the Leisure Plex to have some fun. When we arrived there and I had parked the car, we headed inside, paid, and got suited up to kick some ass. Laser tag was only a new addition to the building, and even I had to admit that it was insanely cool. Each player was fitted with a vest that delivered a body tingling shock when a person was ‘shot’ and knocked out of the round. The guns were all black, and the styles were wide in variety. The tag room itself was a maze, and the lights were dim and the place was utterly silent during a round of tag, causing the players to play the game at full calibre in order to be aware of their surroundings as they hunted each other.
My kids and nephews loved it.
“It’s over for you little turds,” I said, stroking the barrel of my plastic gun. “I run laser tag.”
“We’ll see about that, aul’ lad.”
My eyes locked on Enzo. “You’re on my hit list.”
“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that. Girls tell me it all the time, and not in the way you mean it.”
Ares and Ace shared a look, rolled their eyes, then took off in opposite directions and got lost in the maze. I gave Enzo the finger, he gave it back to me, then we parted ways and waited for the buzzer to sound. Within the maze were large boulders to hide behind, as well as large plastic tubes that a grown man could crawl through to get to a different side of the room. I chose to hide behind one of the boulders until one of my offspring walked into my line of sight. I shot at Ace when he appeared, but he rolled on the ground and avoided the hit.
“Da’s campin’!”
“I’m not. I’m just lying here!”
“That’s what campin’ is!” Enzo voice hollered from somewhere to my right. “Move around, don’t sit and wait for us to come to ye’!”
God’s sake.
“Fine!”
I turned and zigzagged my way around as quietly as I could, and when I came up behind Enzo who was crouched as he shuffled forward, I felt a smug smile stretch across my lips. Without a word, I aimed my gun and shot my son in the back like a fucking marksman. Enzo grunted as his vest lit up red and delivered him a tingling shock. The red returned to blue, but Enzo only had two lives left, and he knew it.