Keela began to cry.
“I know,” she sniffled. “I know this. I know ye’ were forced into what happened. Me mind just likes to torture me. I’m sorry.”
It had been a long time since we spoke about our past, mainly because we’d moved beyond it and started a new life together. I knew my wife had accepted what had happened, but knowing it still hurt her, hurt me.
“You saved me.” I said, brushing loose strands of hair behind her ear. “You gave me my life, my babies, and my happiness.”
She looked up at me, and her beauty stunned me. She had more laughing lines around her eyes, but her energy for life shone brighter than ever within them. We were in our forties now but being with her still made me feel twenty-eight. She was my rock, my heart, and there was nothing on this planet that I wouldn’t do for her.
“I wouldn’t change anythin’ about what happened,” Keela said, surprising me. “Gettin’ through that got us to today. I love our life together, I love our babies, and I love you so much it sometimes doesn’t feel real that I am this happy. I don’t know why I had that stupid dream, but it means nothin’. It hasn’t meant anythin’ for a very long time. All that matters is you, Alec. You’re amazin’ the way ye’ are, and I would never change anythin’ that made ye’ the man and father ye’ are today. You’re my perfect, ye’ always have been.”
I kissed her the second she finished speaking, and we only broke apart when cheering and fake heaving filled the room as Alfie and Miller came downstairs to eat their noodles. Keela smiled up at me and pecked my lips once more before she turned to the boys and settled them at the table. I watched her as I leaned against the counter, and as per usual, I silently thanked God for blessing me with a woman who gave my life meaning.
My heart was full and happy, but I remembered a time when it wasn’t. Things weren’t always so perfect for me or my brothers ... but I had a secret that only one brother and one woman knew, and if I had my way, it’d stay that way. There weren’t a lot of things I was able to protect my brothers or my wife from in the past, but some secrets were better left unspoken. I’d do anything for my wife and family, and keeping things from her that could never be changed was one of them.
CHAPTER TWO
Fifteen years old ...
When I woke up that morning, I was on cloud nine. I had finally lost my virginity ... well, when it came to fucking a guy, at least. Like my older brothers, I had pussy on demand whenever I wanted it. Gang bunnies always hung around the compound and were more than eager to fuck anyone who would let them. I let them fuck me a lot, and they let me fuck them a lot ... but I frequently got an itch that no pussy could scratch. I wasn’t exactly sure when I realised I was bisexual, but when I started to like girls in a sexual way, I started to like guys in the same way, too. I just never acted on it because of the homophobes I lived with.
That and I was too terrified to tell my brothers the truth about my sexuality in case they shut me out. Those four were my reason for living, so I could never take the chance and tell them because the risk of losing them was too high. I hated that I thought they would react badly to me liking guys as much as I liked girls when my mind and heart told me they wouldn’t give a shit, but the fear of them possibly reacting badly had me keeping it to myself.
I hated keeping secrets.
I entered my family’s wing of the compound, and when I entered out kitchen, I found my mom sitting at the dining table.
“Hi, Mom.”
Mom glanced up at me. “You’re so pretty, baby boy.”
I smiled at her, but it didn’t come from my heart. I didn’t love this woman, and she didn’t love me. I had known from a young age that Ryder was my mom and dad rolled into a big brother, and I accepted that. I just wished I didn’t have to see my parents and pretend we were anything other than co-workers because that was all they were. Being forced to be around them all the time and pretend I liked them left a sour taste in my mouth.
“Do you have yourself a girlfriend yet, Alec baby?”
She never called just by my name, everything she labelled me with had to be accompanied by the word baby, and it ground my gears.