“Come on if you’re bloody coming then,” I grumbled.
I heard the smile in his voice when he said, “Yes, ma’am.”
I could hear him chuckle under his breath as I exited my parents’ house and walked briskly down the pathway and out of the garden. He was hot on my heels and jogged to my side, where he easily matched my strides because his legs were a lot longer than mine.
“You’re going to give yourself a stitch if you don’t slow down,” he commented.
I grunted. “It’s either walk fast or thump you for—”
“For what?” he said, cutting me off. “Making sure you get to the inn safely? You think I’m taking chances when it comes to your safety?”
I sighed and slowed my pace down.
“You’re taking the decision away from me about whether you accompany me to the inn.”
Kale laughed. “It’s been years since I took anything from you. Let’s call this a catch-up on due goods.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re something else.”
“Yeah,” – he chuckled – “I know.”
My lip twitched.
We walked in an oddly comfortable silence for a few minutes, and when we neared the inn, something clicked within me. Back at my parents’ house, my instinct had been to run away because that’s what I was good at, but now I got it – that nothing had ever been resolved by leaving them, by leaving Kale, by leaving York. For six years I’d felt exactly the same as the day I left York, if not worse. I’d allowed my fears to blind me. I’d let the “what ifs” win.
What if I couldn’t handle seeing Kale happy with a family?
What if I came back home and fell into a deeper state of depression?
What if? What if? What if?
“What’s wrong?” Kale asked, clearly wondering why I came to a sudden halt.
I looked at him and blinked. “I’ve just realised something.”
He licked his lips. “What’s that?”
“I don’t want to stay at the inn; I don’t want to be away from my family,” I said, and shook my head clear as a cloud of confusion lifted from me. “I’ve been on my own for so long that I felt like I needed to get out of the house and away from them, but that’s not what I need at all. I need their love and support, and I think they need mine too.”
A smile broke out over Kale’s face. “Then let’s get your things from the inn, check you out and go back to your parents’ house.”
Could things really be that simple? I wondered.
I nodded. “Yeah . . . yeah, let’s do that.”
We walked to the Holiday Inn, and before we headed up to my room, I informed the lady behind the desk that I would be checking out. It was past checkout time, and I didn’t know if she would charge me a fee, but she told me it was perfectly fine, so Kale and I headed up to my room.
He hovered near the door while I walked into the room and lifted my suitcase onto the bed.
“That is your case?” he asked.
I nodded. “I left the city in such a rush, I just grabbed what I could think of and practically ran to the airport.”
Kale was silent for a moment and then he said, “I’m sorry you’re going through this, Lane.”
He was still the sweetest, most caring person, even with the hollowness within him now.
When I didn’t reply, Kale told me to get any belongings of mine from the bathroom, and he would wrap up my hair appliances, laptop and chargers. I planned on doing exactly what he asked, but the silence between us screamed at me. I didn’t understand why he was being so nice to me. I understood his being kind during my uncle’s funeral, but why hadn’t he so much as hinted at being mad? I’d left on such bad terms and hadn’t been there for him when Kaden died.
I swallowed and said, “Why don’t you hate me?”
He stopped rolling the wire around my hairdryer, and placed it on the desk.
“I’m not doing this in a hotel room, Lane.”
I sucked up my fear.
“And you aren’t leaving here until you answer my question,” I countered. “I don’t want to have our talk right now, I just want to know why you don’t hate me when I have given you every reason to.”
The muscles in Kale’s back tightened before he turned to face me, his hazel eyes locked on mine. “I’ve never hated you, and I never will,” he simply said with a shrug of his shoulders. “You mean more to me than any other living person on this planet, and if you think after not having you in my life for six years that I’m just going to ignore you and play some stupid game, then you’ve got another think coming, kid.”
I felt my eye twitch. “I’m not a kid anymore, Kale.”
The eyes I loved so much dropped to my chest, then lowered until he was leisurely drinking me in. It made me feel weak; one look from his whisky-coloured eyes and I was done in.
“I can see that,” he mused.
I swallowed and felt in my heart it was the right moment for me to say what I had been carrying around since last night.
“Kale, I’m so sorry about Kaden.”
He went silent for a long time.
“Who told you about him?” he asked after a deafening silence.
I looked down to my feet.
“My dad. I was at my Aunt Teresa’s and Uncle Harry’s grave the night before the funeral, and he showed me . . . showed me where Kaden was buried. I saw you and Drew at the plot yesterday after my uncle’s funeral, and I wanted to go over to you, but I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
“Look at me,” he said after a moment.
I exhaled before looking up at him, hating that his expression had changed to one of sadness.
“Thank you for your condolences about my son.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want to be formal . . . not about this.
“I saw his picture on his headstone . . . He was adorable,” I whispered, my eyes still closed. “He had your nose and lips; he even had your tiny birthmark on his neck.”
Kale’s breathing picked up, and I hated myself.
I opened my eyes but kept them downcast. “I’m sorry, Kale. I’m making everything worse. I’ll go and finish packing—”
I turned to walk into the bathroom, but Kale shot across the room and grabbed hold of my arm. “No.”
I turned my head and looked at him. “No, what?”
He stared at me with his puppy-dog hazel eyes. “Don’t leave. I’m not mad at you; I was just remembering my son. You would have loved him. He was the most perfect being I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, Lane. He was . . . everything.”
A sad smile curved my lips. “I’ve no doubt. He was your son, Kale. He wouldn’t be anything less than perfect.”
“You think he looked like me?” he asked, surprised. “I think he looked more like his mum.”
I smiled brightly. “Men always see the beauty of the mother in their children’s faces. He was the perfect mix of you both. You and Drew created someone astonishing.”
Kale’s eyes bored into mine. “Thank you.”
I nodded. “My pleasure.”
“Do you want to see a video of him?” he suddenly asked, his eyes alive with pride. “I have loads of videos, and pictures of him too.”
“Like you even have to ask,” I beamed. “Gimme.”
Kale smiled at me and quickly dug out his phone from his pocket. “I only have a few videos and pictures on my phone, but I’ve loads more backed up onto flash drives and storage sites that I can show you if you want.”
A daddy protecting the physical memories of his pride and joy. It hurt me that memories were all he had.
“I’ve got time to see every second of him, Kale,” I assured him.
He did something that shocked me then: he reached out and put his arms around me, and pulled my body into his. It wasn’t a hug of sorrow and sadness like the ones he’d given me over the past couple of days; it was a hug of promise. A promise of what I didn’t know, but whatever it was, I felt it in my bones.
&nb
sp; “I’ve missed you so much,” he said into my hair.
It took me a second, but I lifted my arms and put them around his body and squeezed him. “I’ve missed you too, Kale, more than you know.”
We stayed like that, hugging one another until Kale stepped back and stared down at me. “I know this might sound stupid, but I can’t believe you’re really here,” he said with a shake of his head. “When I first saw you on Friday in the parlour, I wanted to be the one to touch you instead of your dad, just so I could see if you were real. I’ve dreamt so many times about you being back here, I wasn’t sure if I was just seeing things.”
His admission stunned me.
“Kale,” I whispered.
“It’s dumb,” he blurted out, flushing slightly. “I know—”
“It’s not dumb,” I interrupted. “When I’m in my apartment in New York and I’m falling asleep at night, I hear your voice in my head. Sometimes it keeps me awake because I miss you so much.”
I wasn’t embarrassed to admit something so private; it felt right to tell him.
Kale swallowed. “You’re still my best friend.”
“I know, pup, and you’re mine.”
He looked away from me. “I can’t believe how our lives have turned out. Everything is so different from when we were kids.”