I wanted to tell him that life didn’t care what you had been through; it put bumps in the road no matter what turn you took.
I leaned my head on my da’s shoulder and closed my eyes. I’d felt sick from the moment I woke up that morning. It had nothing to do with my ongoing fight with Damien and everything to do with my mother. Today, we found out the results of her mammogram. We would find out if her cancer was gone, or if she needed more treatment to get rid of it. Me and my da were nervous wrecks, and we had just one another to lean on. My ma asked that it just be the three of us at this appointment, so that meant Damien wasn’t here for me. Our stupid fight was still ongoing, but he intended to come with me to the hospital until I told him what my ma wanted.
He went to work instead and told me to call him when I found out the news. I prayed to God that when I did that, I would have something good to tell him. We had been in the hospital for a whole hour waiting to talk to the professor who headed the medical team assigned to my ma during her whole cancer ordeal, and when she entered his office just for a few minutes by herself, we were left feeling very uneasy. She said she wanted to ask him some private questions before we all went in to hear the results. I remained seated outside with my da as they disappeared into the room, and when we looked at one another after five long minutes, we stood at the exact same time.
Something wasn’t right.
We both started for the door of the doctor’s office, and we entered it without knocking or announcing ourselves. My heart stopped beating and my hand latched onto my da’s forearm when I saw that my ma was sitting in front of the doctor’s desk … in tears.
“No,” I said outlaid. “No, please. No.”
My ma jerked her gaze to the doorway when she heard me, and when she saw us, she smiled, though she was still sobbing.
“I’m cancer free!”
For a few seconds, no one moved, spoke, or even breathed. Then, like the snap of my fingers, I screamed and rushed at my ma. I heard nothing but the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears. When I wrapped my arms around her, I hadn’t realised I was crying until my lungs told me to take a breath. I felt my da’s arms wrap around us. Both he and my ma were talking over each other, and they cried and laughed at the same time.
When we separated, I placed my hands on either side of my head in disbelief.
“This doesn’t feel real,” I said. “I prayed for this, begged God for this.”
“It’s real, sweetie.”
“Ma!” I scowled. “We were supposed to be with you when ye’ found out.”
“I know, but honey, I wanted to know first in case it was bad, so I could be aware and could comfort you and Daddy.”
I blinked. “If it was bad news, comfortin’ us isn’t what you should be doin’.”
“You and your da come first.” She shrugged. “Always have and will.”
I leaned in and pressed my forehead against hers.
“You’re better.”
Her arms came around my waist. “I’m better, bear.”
When I cried once again, it was to my mother’s musical laughter. It took a further five minutes of hugging, crying, and laughing before we settled down in front of the professor. I listened as best as I could as he repeated my ma’s test results to us. She was cancer free; her surgery and radiation had been successful, and no cancerous cells were left inside her breast.
The professor went into detail about how the mammogram worked, and how accurate the result was. When we left his office, it was after we had set up an appointment for my ma to return in one year for another mammogram. Once the cancer stayed away, she only required yearly tests.
I felt like I was floating, like everything was too perfect for it to be real. As my da drove us home, I phoned Damien.
“Hey,” he answered on the second ring. “What happened?”
“She’s better,” I said. Closing my eyes, I scarcely believed the words. “The results show no cancer. She’s better.”
“Baby, I’m so happy for her, for you, and your dad.”
“I can’t believe it,” I said. “I really didn’t think this would be the news we were goin’ to receive. She’s one of the lucky ones, Dame.”
After I phoned Damien, I phoned Bronagh, who screamed and cried, triggering more tears to fall from my eyes. Once I assured her I’d come over to her house soon, I got off the phone with her and spent the next few hours at my parents’ house. Together with my ma and da, we had lunch and then a really long conversation about the future and how it was wide open and ours for the taking. When my da dropped me to Bronagh’s house, I felt lighter than I had felt in months. Bronagh tackled me with a hug when she opened the door, then dragged me into the kitchen where I filled her in on my ma’s hospital appointment.