She scoffs as Amelia giggles. Mom just shakes her head. “This is surreal.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, and when I look at her, her eyes are filling with tears.
“I can remember y’all trying to force Posey into playing dolls, and she wasn’t having it. You three going to dances and the mall. Now look at you. All my girls growing up.”
Posey exhales hard. “It’s true. We’re all officially adults now.”
“Speak for yourself,” I tease, and she laughs.
Amelia pats Mom’s leg. “Don’t get all emotional. We already did this for Posey. You’re a pro now.”
Mom scoffs. “Absolutely not. I’ll be an emotional mess for each of my babies. You’ll see someday.”
Amelia makes a face. “I don’t want to see. I want mine to stay babies.”
“So did I,” Mom says sadly, and I want to feel for her, but then I remember the assault my grandmother made on me.
“That reminds me. Let me tell you what Grandma said to me.”
Easy to say, I traumatize everyone else, and I don’t feel the least bit bad.
If I have to suffer, may as well take my girls down with me.
* * *
I changed my wedding dress four times over the last year.
I lost two deposits and even had to pay my dad back for them since he was pissed. I returned the dress he picked and then the one my mom picked, so to say he was livid is an understatement. In my defense, everything I had thought I wanted, I didn’t. I would be mesmerized by the diamonds or the deep plunge and just buy the dress, but when it arrived in my size, I would hate it. I had a ballroom-style, but then I thought it made me look too big. Then I had one with a train the size of Broadway, as Posey put it, but then it came in, and I had a nightmare that I fell over it when I was walking back down the aisle. I’ve had short and even fitted, but none of them were for me. I dedicated so much time and special attention to all the details of the wedding itself that I was putting way too much pressure on how gorgeous my dress was. It got to the point that no one would go with me to the dress shop because I was so indecisive. I had gone so far as to trying to find a dress that would fit the wedding, I forgot that the dress was supposed to fit me.
What I wanted.
Just how I handpicked my groom.
Funny, but it was actually Aiden who reminded me of that after my last breakdown. He suggested I go to New York with my mom and Posey to find the dress I wanted. My mom, being who she is, was able to get us an appointment at Kleinfeld Bridal. I referred back to my wedding book, reminding myself what I wanted. Thankfully, I found the dress of my dreams, and when it came in, I felt like the queen I am. I can’t wait for Aiden to see it—but more than anything, I can’t wait to see him.
I stand in a nude thong as my mom and Posey help raise my dress up my body. I try not to look at myself, instead focusing on my mom and Posey. My mom is wearing a beautiful floor-length purple gown that sits off her shoulders. There is beading all over the skirt, making it glitter when she moves. Her hair is down in wide curls, with the side pulled up in a sparkly barrette. Posey and Amelia are wearing matching purple dresses that stop at their knees. I didn’t want them to be warm, so I chose a dress with flowy fabric that ties behind the neck and has incredible lace detail on the bodice that continues down over the top of the skirt. Posey’s hair is up in a tight bun with a pearl barrette fastened beneath the bun. Her makeup is soft with a nude lip. Amelia’s hair is down, with the same barrette holding back one side. Her makeup is much darker, with a glossy dark-purple lip. Both are sporting the diamond necklaces I got them as a thank-you for standing with me. They are stunning, and both are beautiful enough to distract me from my upcoming nuptials, but my stomach is still in knots.
It’s time to fasten my dress.
I focus on the mirror while my mom gets my dress up and buttons it at the back of my neck. Posey positions the strands of diamond stones along my shoulders. They are attached at the neck and drape down along my sides to my waist. Lastly, my mom fastens the buttons that hold the dress closed at my butt, leaving my back wide open. I lift my boobs so that they look great in the deep plunge as I let out a long breath. I take myself in, and tears rush to my eyes. My dress is everything I could ever have wished for. The mermaid style shows off my curves, accentuating my hips and breasts. The satin fabric hugs my thighs before flaring out into gorgeous, elaborate lacework that looks regal. Sparkly stones shimmer throughout the lace, and I’m as in awe of the dress on me as I was when I first saw it. I run my hands over my hips, smoothing out the silky white fabric as Amelia brings over my veil.