God, I hated my life most days, but what was worse? The drama was so completely unnecessary! Dealing with our parents’ messes was like babysitting grown children.
Austin’s mom had given me a note with her phone number.
It sure as hell wasn’t a booty call.
It was desperation.
And I’d refused to answer until last night.
Until I’d made love to Austin one last time, knowing that I couldn’t truly love her if I kept parts of myself from her—parts of the truth from her.
So early that morning, I called her mom and told her to name a place. Not because I wanted to air out all the dirty laundry but because she deserved to know the truth about her husband.
And my mother.
Pain sliced through my chest. In all the scenarios I’d been faced with, I’d always chosen to protect myself, because I was selfish.
Until Austin.
And then everything was about protecting her from the truth.
And making sure she was okay.
But now I was in too deep.
And my father’s threats were empty.
He said he’d kill himself if it got out in the open. He said that dating Austin was dangerous—it linked our families too closely together—he said it was only a matter of time before the news caught wind of it, ruined my career, and made us a laughingstock. He said it would destroy Austin in the worst possible way, just like how he and my mom destroyed our family.
And I believed him.
I believed him when he said it would all turn to hell.
I believed him when he said I was saving Austin by pushing her away.
Because it made sense.
And I’d been afraid.
So damn afraid about how I felt for her.
Afraid of what I would do for her.
Afraid of what she would do for me.
Afraid of what the information would do to us.
I wasn’t her savior.
I was a coward.
“End it.” Those had been his words months ago when he moved in across the hall, looking like hell had run him over and then done it again for good measure.
I lost my dad first.
But eventually, I lost them both.
And a part of me wondered if I wasn’t destined to hurt those I loved, just like my parents.
A part of me believed him when he said I was just like him.
That was why I’d kissed Brooke.
Truth.
I was angry.
I was in too deep.
And I wanted to hurt Austin—to push her away from the clusterfuck that was our families.
She had no idea of what our parents were up to.
And I hoped to God it would stay that way.
Her mom was already waiting for me when I walked in, my shirt soaked through from the rain.
“He’s with her again,” she whispered in a gravelly voice. “I can smell her on him.”
Hell. Med school had not prepared me for this.
“Look.” I placed my hand on hers. “Mrs. Rogers. All I know is that the affair started three months ago, when my dad moved into my apartment building to wait out the divorce paperwork. Mom finally kicked him out, solidifying his worst fears that it wasn’t just a fling but something more.”
She swallowed and kept her eyes downcast. “Does Austin know?”
“Not yet.”
Her head jerked to attention. “What do you mean, not yet?”
“She deserves to know. I’ve been waiting to say something.”
“But . . .” Mrs. Rogers shook her head. “You don’t understand! If you tell her, she’s going to blame me and—” Austin’s mom pressed a shaking hand to her face. “It’s my fault. I drove him away. I didn’t . . .” She bit down on her bottom lip. “I tried so damn hard. I just, I wanted to be perfect. I came to your office to see what you knew about the affair, and then while I was there, I realized, what if I just changed a few things, what if I was better, you know? If there was something I could fix or, you know—”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” I said through clenched teeth. “Are you listening to yourself?”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“There is absolutely nothing you can do to yourself physically. Nothing. This is his choice, not yours. Sure, could you get Botox? Make yourself look younger? Absolutely. But what would it fix? Nothing. You’d still be miserable, and you’d be constantly on guard that he was still cheating. I’m going to tell you what I tell every person who walks into my office, alright?”
She nodded as a tear slipped down her right cheek, sliding over her deep-red lips. “Make changes for you. Never for someone else. If it’s for someone else, you’ll never be happy. When you change for a person, you start a vicious cycle of discontent.” I sighed. “What do you see when you look in the mirror? A woman worth cheating on? Or a woman worth fighting for?”
“Right now I don’t see much.” She shrugged. “But . . .” Her eyes got that fiery look I was so used to seeing reflected in Austin’s. “I’m worth a hell of a lot more than the way he’s treating me, mayor of Seattle or not.”
I smiled for the first time since I sat down. “I’d say I have to agree.”
She clicked her nails against her ceramic coffee cup, then squeezed my hand. “You’re a good man, Thatch Holloway.”
My stomach sank. “Yeah, well, hopefully when I tell Austin the truth, she’ll still think that.”
“The truth.”
“I was trying to protect her, from this, from . . . all of it actually, but originally I couldn’t see past my own fear.”
“You’re allowed a moment of selfishness when it’s something this big.”
I nodded.
“It’s only a matter of time before the affair leaks to the media.”
“And how do you know that?” I tilted my head, suddenly curious.
“A woman scorned is a terrifying thing to behold.” She smiled. “If you’re going to tell her, just be sure to tell her everything. Part of me wants her kept in the dark. I don’t want her looking at her father or me with disappointment. Know that I will fight with my last breath to preserve what is left of our family—Austin and me. I’ve let him control us too long. That stops now.”
“Even if it’s at the sacrifice of your own perfect world? Because the easy thing to do would be to just let him do his thing and keep pretending.”
“I’d be living a lie. And I’m tired of living in a world where all people see is what we allow them to see, so yes, even then.”
She stood and kissed me on the forehead.
I had to smile.
No wonder Austin loved forehead kisses.
My anger quickly dissipated, and then I realized I’d wronged her by trying to control the situation, and by protecting Austin, I’d done exactly what her parents had done to her all her life.
Controlled her.
I glanced up to say one final thank-you and felt like I’d just been kicked in the gut.
Austin was standing in the open doorway, her expression horrified.
I did a quick calculation of what she probably saw, her mom kissing my forehead, us sharing coffee, hardly anything bad. But she looked so pained, as if she could barely breathe.
She ran out of the restaurant like someone was chasing her.
Mrs. Rogers cursed under her breath.
“Shit!” I quickly pulled a few bills from my pocket, tossed them on the counter, and ran after her.
“Austin!”
She ran by her car.
And into the street. A few horns honked at her as she stumbled to the other side and continued running, until, finally stopping to catch her breath, she bent over and pressed her hands against her knees.
I caught up to her.
And heard nothing but broken sobs coming from her lips.
“Austin.” The wind roared in my ears as cold wet rain pelted against my cheeks. “Baby, I have no idea what
you think you saw, but I can guarantee you it’s not that.”
“Leave me alone!” She made a weak effort to shove me away.
Yeah, I sure as hell wasn’t having any of that.
I grabbed her hand and tugged her against my chest, locking her against my body with my arms. “Why are you crying?”
“Because,” she sniffled, “my mom’s cheating! My dad alluded to that much this morning when I saw him. He was so upset, and he said, he said—”
“Your dad’s a fucking liar,” I interrupted with barely restrained anger. “And your mom was just asking me if it was true.”
“If what was true?”
“I can’t do this here.” I looked around the busy street, at the people scurrying beneath colorful umbrellas as they passed us by.
“Well, this is your only choice or I walk!”
“Damn it, Austin, why do you have to be so stubborn!”
“Tell me!” She shoved against my chest. “Are you . . . ?” Her lips quivered. “Why was she in your office that day? Why was she kissing you!” She spit out the last part like I’d done something unforgiveable. And maybe I had.
“It’s not what it looks like.” I reached for her, but she jerked away. “We were just talking.”
“Oh, that’s rich. Just talking. You were just talking and holding hands.” Her look went from pissed to horrified. “Was that it? Was that the reason? You were using me to get to my own mother!” She stumbled backward. “She gave you something in the office that day, and you said, you said . . .” Her eyes filled with more tears as they spilled over onto her cheeks. “You said I was a girl and you wanted a woman—” She hiccupped.
I kissed her roughly across the mouth.
She beat me on the chest and then sank into my hungry kiss.
“Austin, I love you. YOU.”
“But—”
“Stop talking and just listen, think you can do that?”
“No.”
I sighed. “Well, I tried.”
She glared at me even though I could tell the corners of her mouth twitched to lift into a smile.
“Let’s go.” I tugged her hand toward the Starbucks across the street and ordered some hot Pike Place Roast for both of us before leading her to a table in the corner.
“Why would you be meeting my mom?” Her eyes held so much hurt, and I was about to make it so much worse.