“Stop, Killy. You’re not going to scare me away from him.” Ginny was holding the swing’s chains so tightly, she felt the links imprinting into her skin. No matter what Killyama told her, though, it wasn’t going to change the way she felt about Gavin.
Killyama blazed past Ginny’s vain effort to stop what she was about to say. “Every single one of The Last Riders might love Reaper, but they are scared shitless of him too. I saw firsthand where Reaper was kept and how they drugged him senseless. Fuckers don’t go to that extreme unless they are afraid of what he could do.”
Ginny wanted to put her hands over her ears to stop the flow of words coming out of Killyama’s mouth. Instead, her lips firmed in a tight line of determination.
“There’s nothing you can say that’s going to put me off Gavin. He’s the one I’ve been waiting for when other girls were talking about their crushes and boyfriends. Do you know how many times I tried to tell myself he didn’t exist, and each time I did, I felt as if I were betraying him?”
“I’m not here to discourage you from Reaper.” Killyama leaned forward, placing her forearms on her thighs. “T.A. and Sex Piston think I am, but I’m not.”
“You aren’t? It sounds exactly like what Trudy would say.”
“You don’t like hearing the truth, then you better toughen those titties up, because Reaper is the last man on earth you should want. You’d have better luck landing Kaden’s expensive jet than landing Reaper.”
“How is this not discouraging me?”
“Little bitch, this isn’t discouragement; it’s preparation. You go with your eyes shut about what Reaper is capable of, you’re doomed for failure before any relationship you want with him can start. Put aside that liquid silver shit and you might stand a fucking chance. You really want to know why T.A. and the other bitches don’t want you to go after Reaper?”
Ginny had a feeling she wasn’t going to like Killyama’s answer, but she answered, “Yes,” anyway.
“None of them think you have enough courage to fight for what you want.”
“I know how to fight for what I want!”
“Do you really? I haven’t seen it, nor has any other bitch. You let your brothers shut you out of their lives, despite how much you care about them.”
“Don’t. You don’t know anything about my relationship with my brothers!”
“What relationship? When’s the last time you even talked to them?”
Ginny was starkly forced to admit the truth. “They don’t want anything to do with me.”
“Exactly. And you just take it. Like you taking every-fucking-thing unless it involves protecting someone else. You have no problem standing up to Lisa and Dalton West when you wanted to protect Willa and Lucky. The only reason you showed the talent you hid for fucking years was because you were protecting the friends you made in Queen City and here in Treepoint from your stalker. You think standing up to your eight brothers and your stalker is hard? It’s going to be nothing compared to what Reaper is going to throw at you.”
“You’re right...” Ginny had to agree with the view that Trudy and her friends had of her. She lived most of her life behind the barrier of having to keep the secret of her identity intact. At the age of three, she had been groomed not to make waves, to hide behind the well-meaning warnings of Trudy, Hammer, Will, and Freddy to blend in, keeping herself and, therefore, them safe. That any slipup would have deadly consequences had been drilled into her head until she had lost the little girl she was born to be.
The only way she was ever going to reach Gavin was to put aside the conditioning that had kept her alive and risk everything for him.
“You look scared shitless. Is it really that frightening to put yourself first?” Killyama asked.
“It is when I could get someone else hurt.”
“Little bitch, what’s it going to take for you to figure out that the only one you are protecting yourself from is yourself. You and Trudy aren’t helpless children any longer. You have people who can take your back if you just step back and give them a chance.”
“At what cost to them and their families? The Last Riders taking other people’s backs is how Winter almost lost her and Aisha’s life. If you hadn’t been there … There are some prices too high to pay.”
“Is there?” Killyama asked softly. “Look at me, Evangeline.”
Ginny turned, lifting her face to reveal the torment of the deeply held fear of her past catching up with her. She already had three deaths on her conscience, Ginny didn’t think she could handle any more.
Killyama lifted herself off the swing to stand beside her, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders. It was something Trudy would have done. From Killyama, it was strange yet somehow it infused the strong woman’s strength into her. “I don’t know the answer to that question. Only you do. You’re the one who’s going to have to decide if a future with Reaper is worth the price and be ready to live with the consequences, because I’m telling you straight-up: don’t keep any secrets from Gavin. If you truly feel like he’s your soul mate, tell him the truth from the get-go. He’s too smart not to figure out that there’s something off with you, and it’d be better if you tell him yourself. Go all in with him, or be prepared when he finds out and walks away. Reaper has no more second chances in him.”