Shotgun
After losing Lindsey, I’d come to accept the fact that whenever I cared about someone—when I loved someone with my heart and soul, I lost them. It wasn’t like it was difficult to come to this revelation. I’d lost my folks, and I loved them both; then I lost Ada soon after. When I joined the military, I was looking for an escape from my world as it was. I thought it would help put some distance between me and those feelings of loss and guilt I was consumed with, but it only made it that much worse. During my training, I’d forged strong ties with the men in my platoon. Some of those guys had come to feel like family to me, and watching them die nearly did me in. I hated myself for surviving. Hell, the guilt of it all had me praying that I’d die right along with them, but alas, fate had other plans for me.
I survived, but I wasn’t the same man I had been—far from it. I’d grown hard, bitter, and cold. I didn’t want to love or be loved. I didn’t feel like I deserved either, and a big part of me still felt that way. But there was a small part, a part I no longer controlled, that was wondering if I was still capable of such feelings. I glanced down at Remington curled up in the crook of my arm, looking so beautiful and peaceful, and I knew I had my answer. I had feelings for her, feelings I didn’t ask for nor want, but they were there, nonetheless. That realization sent a wave of panic washing over me. I’d made a promise to myself and to Lindsey that I’d never let myself fall for anyone, and I’d always done everything in my power to keep that promise—until now.
My chest tightened at the thought, and I was suddenly overcome with the need to get the hell out of there. I knew it wasn’t right. I knew Remington deserved better, but I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I had to clear my head. Being careful not to wake Remington, I eased out of bed and quickly got dressed. I sent Country a text, then quietly slipped out of the room. I thought I was in the clear until I reached the kitchen and found Ada there waiting for me.
She was standing at the kitchen sink with her arms crossed as she said, “Where ya running off to so early?”
“Gotta get over to the clubhouse.”
“Um-hmm.” I could tell by her expression that Ada didn’t believe me. “Shore ya do.”
“Wouldn’t say so if I didn’t.” She never took her eyes off me as I grabbed my keys from the counter, leaving no doubt that she had something to say, but there was no way in hell I was going to give her time to say it. I reached for the doorknob, and on my way out, I told her, “Country will be here in a few minutes to keep an eye on things until I can get back.”
After I closed the door, I wasted no time getting on my bike and cranking the engine. In a matter of seconds, I was out the gate and on my way. I’d only made it a few blocks when I spotted Country heading over to Ada’s. Relieved that they both would be looked after, I continued towards the clubhouse. When I pulled up, it was just after seven in the morning. Knowing most of the guys wouldn’t have made it in yet, I headed into the kitchen to see who was around, and as luck would have it, Hawk and Menace were sitting at the table talking to Axel and Widow.
They were all eating breakfast and hadn’t realized that I’d even walked into the room until I sat down next to Hawk and said, “Morning.”
“Hey, brother,” Hawk replied with surprise. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Thought you were staying over at Ada’s with Remington.”
“I am. Just wanted to come by and see what was going on.” I got up and poured myself a cup a coffee. “Figured you were busy working on a plan for Sunday night.”
“We’ve already got it sorted,” Hawk announced. “I was going to call you this morning to go over it all.”
“Well, I just saved you some trouble.” I took a drink of my coffee. “Don’t gotta call when I’m standing right here.”
“True, but now, I can’t just hang up on you when you start mouthing off,” Hawk teased, but when he saw my expression, he quickly changed his tune. “Oh, come on, brother. You know I’m just messin’ with ya.”
“Just tell me you guys have something figured out.”
“You know we do,” Menace answered for him. “I’ve gotten the blueprints of the Tyson factory. We’ll have every entrance and exit covered, and when they start their meet, we’ll take out their guards and move in.”