“I’ll go with you.”
“No,” I say firmly. If this is actually happening, then I want time to process on my own. “This is Jay’s big day. He needs you here, and if I’m really…” I can’t bring myself to say the p-word, “not sick, then I’ll still be not sick tomorrow.”
Olivia hugs me harder than ever, and I leave, but first I stop by the drugstore. The drive home is the longest two and a half hours of my life.
Well, there it is. I stare at the little white stick, already knowing what it would say: You’re pregnant, dumb ass!
I push my shaky fingers through my hair. “What am I going to do?” I go to my bedroom and flop down on my white fluffy bedspread, hugging a pillow to my chest. I can’t help thinking about what my mom said when my dad left: She was happy she got me out of it. And though we struggled when I was growing up, I always felt loved. I had my mom, my grandma, and friends who were more like family.
In my heart, I know I’ll be okay if I do this alone, especially because I love kids, but I can’t help feeling robbed. I should be sharing this with Marus. He should be here by my side.
Sadly, I have to accept the heartbreaking facts: Marus is gone, and I don’t want Mason or his insane family involved with this baby. Their drama and his cold heart need to stay far, far away from us even when I’m longing to see Marus’s face one last time so I can say goodbye. What we had was magical, and I know I’ll never find it again. Not inside any bottle. Not in my lifetime.
I wish…I wish…I wish Marus would come back to me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Eleven months later…
“Oh, yes. Who loves Auntie Olivia? You do. You do, you handsome little devil.” Olivia coos and rattles a little toy ring.
“It’s almost time for his nap. You want to rock him?” I ask from over by the sink, rinsing out his bottle.
“You betcha!” she replies.
I smile over at my best friend on the planet, who’s getting all goo-goo-eyed over what has to be the most beautiful creation on the planet, making my heart melt. I could make a thousand mosaics and spend a lifetime on every one of them, but none would compare to him. Marus is gone, but what he left behind is more special and gorgeous than anything I could ever imagine. Dark-red hair, big fat lips, and my dark Gypsy eyes. Yeah, I get it now—what my grandma used to tell me. There is a “look” about them. Like they see right through you, straight into your soul.
As for me, I’m in a better place now. I know everything’s going to be okay as long as I keep believing that good things do happen to good people. It’s like Marus once said: A wish isn’t a hope. It’s a plea to the universe to make your deepest desires come true. Well, so far, most of my wishes have happened, and that ain’t so bad. My business is doing well, my house sold for a small gain, and I have the unconditional love of an incredible man to share my life with. Granted, he’s only three months old, but it’s enough. For now. When the time is right, I’ll find the romantic kind of love, and that man will be incredible. For now, however, I’ve got my hands full.
That’s why I’ve sold the house and am moving my business to Colorado. This time because I want to. I’ll need help raising Russ, and while Olivia is a rock star and would bend over backwards for me, that’s not what I want. She and Jay are getting married in the fall, and their hands are full between her career and his diner. I don’t want my life to become a burden on them. This is my choice. Russ is mine. And I’m okay with wherever it all leads. Because luck comes in many forms, and sometimes it knocks on your door when you least expect it. Sometimes you find it in a thrift store.
“His boob juice is on the counter there, all warmed up,” I tell Olivia. I knew she was coming, so I pumped a few days’ supply. This will be our last girls’ night for a very, very long time, and champagne is in order.
“Well then, Russypoo, you and I have a date with some mommy milk!” She takes my little firecracker upstairs to the nursery, and I finish loading the dishwasher.
Ding-dong!
I shut off the faucet, dry my hands on the dishtowel slung over my shoulder, and head for the door. I just ordered a ton of stuff online—diapers, new onesies, and some other things I need for the drive back to Colorado.