I didn’t know if I should laugh in response to that or cry. I kind of felt like doing both.
“Yeah,” I said. It was all the response I could come up with.
“So,” she said a few seconds later. The word was drawn out in that way I knew meant it was a lead-up to something. “Last night at the bar was interesting.”
“Yeah,” I said again, feeling like it might become my go-to response for conversations like this.
“You know you have to tell him. You can’t keep waiting and avoiding it.”
“I can’t,” I said, reaching over to set the tea down on the bedside table. “I’m too scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“I finally found this amazing person. After everything I went through with Steven, I finally realize that what I was looking for was actually right there in front of me basically my whole life. I found someone that makes me happy and makes me feel special and beautiful and all those things everybody wants to feel in their relationships. Things I’m realizing now I didn’t feel with Steven. Tyler and I have already been through so much. I don’t know how much our relationship can take,” I said. “And I’m scared to lose him.”
“You don’t know how he’s going to react. You really don’t. And, honestly, even if he did react badly, which I genuinely don’t think he will, at least you were honest with him. That’s the thing. You have to just go ahead and tear off that bandage. Waiting only makes the situation worse and will hurt him. He deserves to know and to be able to work through it the same way you did,” Melissa said. “And you deserve to have him know and be involved from the very beginning. You shouldn’t be alone.”
“I’m not alone,” I said. “I’ve had you with me from the beginning.”
“I know that. And you will keep having me. Nothing is going to change that. But it’s not the same thing as having the father of your baby, the man you care so much about, involved.”
“I know.” I dropped my head back against the headboard and let out a sigh. “You’re right. I need to just go for it.”
“If you go now, you can catch him before he has to go to work. I know you didn’t want to tell him before he had to go to work, but at least this way it will be done. And it will also give you two some natural distance if that’s what you end up needing.”
“That didn’t sound reassuring.”
She shrugged. “I’m just trying to be realistic. But, again, I think it’s going to be fine.”
“Really?” I asked.
“There’s only one way to find out.”
I got dressed and nibbled on a piece of dry toast to keep my stomach settled before heading over to Tyler’s house. Before going up to the door, I took out my phone and sent him a text message asking if he was busy. When he said he wasn’t, I told him I was there.
He was opening the door by the time I got onto the porch. This was it. There was no turning back now. I just needed to take a breath and dive in.
“Hey,” Tyler said as he opened the door. “Come on in.”
I could almost see the questions in his eyes, hear the worry in his voice. There was so much that needed to be said, and I was still trying to figure out how exactly I was going to say it. Looking into his soft, concerned eyes only made it harder.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked as he walked me to his living room. I took a seat on the couch and shook my head.
“No, thank you. Wait, maybe water. Or juice,” I said.
“Sure,” he said, grinning in a way I guessed was trying to show he was acting like everything was fine. Like it was totally normal for me to disappear again.
Tyler went into the kitchen, and when he came back out a moment later, he had a large glass of orange juice and a beer with him. He cracked open the beer and sat across from me, and my stomach churned. Even smelling the beer from that distance made me do flips, and I couldn’t get the orange juice in me fast enough. A couple of big sips seemed to quell the nausea. Tyler settled back into the chair across from me and took a big sip of his beer.
“Are you doing okay?”
“No,” I said suddenly, surprising even myself. “I’m not. There is something I need to tell you.”
Tyler sat forward in the chair, setting the beer down on the coffee table and clasping his hands together between his knees.
“Okay,” he said, a look of apprehension on his handsome features. “What’s going on?”
“I’m pregnant,” I said. The words blurted out of me before I could stop them. I just wanted it over with, to know how he would react so I could move forward. I needed to hear him, see him react to that news. If it was what I feared, I wanted this part of the night to be over as soon as possible. No use in dragging out suspense.