Despite all his dreams of independence away from his clan and the freedom to be himself without constant derision and censor, Tori didn’t want to be alone. He’d spent his entire life surrounded by people he knew. They might not want him, but there was no question he was a part of the clan. He had a place, a job.
It was a shitty place and a horrible job, but he’d still belonged.
The moment he’d left Nuorgam and arrived in Helsinki, that was all gone. He didn’t belong anywhere, and he had no purpose. It was terrifying and empty.
But the Burkhard Clan was the promise of something completely different and startlingly beautiful, if it was real. It all sounded too good to be true, and Tori was used to a lifetime of disappointment.
Except there was Cameron.
Just the existence of Cameron proved at least some of it had to be true.
The Burkhard Clan, right now at least, promised to be a place that wouldn’t care he was gay. Their own king had taken a husband. And Warin had mentioned Cameron’s twin sister Cassie was mated with a female dragon. Double proof that a same-sex relationship wasn’t frowned upon by the clan.
And then there was the fact Cameron was a male mage. Positions of leadership within the Taavi Clan had been held by female mages for as long as Tori could remember. If a male attained any kind of power in their clan, it was solely because he was married to a powerful female mage.
Growing up, there had only been eight other male mages around his age. Male mages were never allowed dreams of being civic leaders. No, they were all quickly sorted into those who were good with magic and those who were not. Those who were magically inclined were groomed to be good husbands, because, of course, a strong male spellcaster would breed more strong mages.
Those who weren’t good at magic were quickly informed it was unlikely they would marry. And if they did, they’d have to choose from the humans. There was no way they’d be allowed near a female mage with their clearly inferior genes. If they managed to give birth to a mage with a female human, then maybe they wouldn’t be a total outcast in their clan.
And then there was Tori.
A gay male mage. Weak in magic. And he would never give the clan another mage, male or female. He couldn’t be more useless. Even a human descendant of the clan had a slim chance of producing a mage. He never would.
But Cameron had mentioned something about magical incubators that would allow a same-sex couple to have a baby. Cameron had said he’d be welcome even if he never wanted to have children.
He did.
He’d never allowed himself to dream of it. His life in the Taavi Clan promised he’d be alone until the day he died. There would be no children. No baby of his own flesh and blood to cuddle in his arms.
Sitting on the ferry, he knew he hadn’t accepted the offer just because a clan without homophobia and sexism was being waved in his face. It wasn’t even the promise of potentially finding a mate who would love and cherish him, who would want children with him.
The tipping point had been the promise of actually being a mage. After all these years, there was a chance of finding someone who could teach him magic so he could truly understand it. He knew deep in his soul that he was a mage and he could do magic. He could feel it. He just needed the chance. And after listening to Cameron describe his own progress, as well as his grandmother’s, Tori hoped this Lisette could work some miracles for him.
Clinging to hope after so many disappointments in life was a terrifying thing, but what was he left with? He had no clan. The Jaeggi were hunting him in Helsinki. He had no job, no money, and no prospects. Why not take a chance? What did he have to lose at this point?
After talking to Cameron, he didn’t think the mage would leave him stranded in Germany if he chose to walk away from the clan. He’d just find himself back in Helsinki with no clan, no money, and no job. Same as he was right now.
If anything, he was a little disturbed by the fact he didn’t feel more when it came to leaving the country of his birth—possibly forever. He had too few happy memories of Finland, and it wasn’t like he’d made very many during the brief time he lived in Helsinki.
Maybe this was all for the best.
Even if things didn’t work out with the dragons in Germany, this could be the kick in the ass he needed to get even farther away from his clan and really start fresh. He could make a new life for himself. Maybe he’d even change his name. No one from his old clan would be able to find him then. Not that they were really looking that hard. He was still getting texts or calls from his parents, but it was down to just one or two a day instead of the near-constant harassment he’d experienced when he first left.