“I’m not…” My voice wobbled. “I’m not sure what to feel.” And then without any warning, I burst into gut-wrenching sobs while he watched.
Without any more words, Valerian sat on the bed, pulled me into his lap, and let me cry, and with each tear shed, I found my old life floating down the river of my grief, going, going, going… gone.
I wasn’t her anymore.
I was his.
I was Violet Petrov.
As long as I lived.
This was my life.
I watched in utter sadness as the old me floated away and left me with nothing but the last remnants of my shaky heart, and the grip I had on Valerian’s hands as he told me it would be okay.
I just wished I wasn’t in love with someone else.
Even then I wished, I had something, anything left, not to give my husband, but to keep me sane.
But Breaker had it all.
And now? I had nothing but a masked man holding me close, telling me lies, and a soul that was crushed beneath the weight of responsibility I had never wanted.
I smiled in the darkness because I had no other choice but to play the part I was born to play.
Happy.
Perfect.
Suffering.
Laughing while I danced with the devil in Hell.
Saving my tears for the shadows.
And praying that whatever came for me—came quick.
Chapter Eleven
War is coming, I can hear it in my heart. Blood will flow along the grounds of the innocent.
I can’t deceive the darkness anymore… I’m letting go, I’m losing control of myself… —Author Unknown
Breaker
I’d only ever visited the creepy empty lake house mansion once, and it was with Junior. We’d played hide and seek and then told ghost stories. Then again, I had been young and impressionable—so I believed every word he said.
Which led me to sleep with the lights on when he told me that ghosts would come out of the fireplace and hover over you if you snored. He then proceeded to tell me I was a chronic snoring monster.
Ask me if I slept at all that night.
In the morning, I’d looked so shitty that my mom finally asked what was wrong, and my only answer was “Junior,” which just made her nod her head and then pull me in for a hug while Junior smirked over his Cheerios.
I got him back by putting a snake in his bed.
He grabbed a frog.
Suffice it to say, the moms decided they’d finally had enough and forced us to make up. I had a bit of hero worship since he was older, and I’d been so new to the family. But after that day, it was like my initiation was done, and I was part of them, part of something that wasn’t a nightmare.
I went out to the balcony and watched as the sun started to rise. The house across the way was massive. I wondered how long it would take me to take the boat across the lake, throw a rock up at her window and beg for her to stay. Creepy enough that I was willing her to just come out of the house and wave.
I took a sip of coffee.
“Found him!” Serena yelled, making me nearly drop my entire cup off the ledge into the fire pit.
“Why are you so loud?” I winced and continued my staring across the way.
“You look like shit.” Serena pulled her blond hair back into a ponytail and snapped her bubble gum dangerously close to my face as she examined me from head to toe, her light blue eyes missing nothing. “What aren’t you telling us?”
Only everything.
I ignored her and took another sip of coffee. In a leisurely move, she stole the mug right out of my hands and walked off, yelling, “Family meeting!”
I squeezed my eyes shut as footsteps neared.
It was like they had brought everyone from Chicago here to witness my pain, my sadness, the death of my heart.
Ash walked out, stole the mug from Serena, and sipped then spit it out. “Are you trying to poison people?”
“First, that’s mine,” I hissed. “Second, I like it strong.”
He moved to hand it back to me, but Junior grabbed it with a wince. I wasn’t the only one who looked like shit; he’d been on the receiving end of Nixon’s fists a day ago, his face was one giant bruise.
“Great, now that you’ve all infected my coffee, is there something you needed?”
They had landed last night, so by the time I was done with my midnight walk, feeling sorry for myself, and trying to figure out what to do next, they were already making noise and asking why I was going to bed when we were actually given a bit of freedom and a nice little vacation away from the parents.
I had nothing to say to that.
“Something’s wrong with him.” Junior squinted his teal eyes at me while Serena wrapped an arm around him; at least it looked like he squinted, kinda hard to tell what with all the bruising.