This will solve my problems but…I'm not happy. In fact, I'm kind of crushed with disappointment. I never wanted to get married just to get married. I wanted to get married for love…or at the very least, affection. I feel kind of like I'm not getting either one at this rate. I glance over at Rektar, and naturally, he stares at my chin instead of looking me in the eye. He won't look at me, and I wonder if I'm resigning myself to a lifetime of frustration with a mate that I want but who doesn't want me…unless he's jerking off in the barn.
"Do you know how to do a human ceremony?" Rektar asks the registrar.
"I do." The male gestures at us. "Join hands, please."
I hold mine out to Rektar, curious if he'll look at me now, but he just takes mine in his and gazes down at our joined hands. His hands feel big and warm and wonderful, and he grips my fingers tightly. It's the only reason I don't drop them and storm away out of anger.
"Now, Rektar, you must vow to give the human female your name and to fill her belly with young. You must vow to protect her and keep her safe, always."
Pretty sure that the human marriage ceremony doesn't mention breeding in the slightest, but I'll allow it.
Rektar's hands grow sweaty as he grasps mine, gazing down at them. "I am sorry that the only name I have to give you is al'Aira'n. It is not a good name, and you are a good female. You deserve better. But I do promise to protect you and keep you safe, always."
His voice is soft and gentle, and my heart aches for him all over again. Like I give a crap about his last name. I squeeze his hands back. "You forgot to say that you're going to fill me with young," I tease gently.
He flushes, and one of his ears twitches. "And fill you with young," he adds, voice choked.
"Now the human must promise to love, honor and obey her mate," the alien registrar intones.
Funny how “obey” has made it all this way into deep space. I decide I'm going to ignore that part. I watch Rektar, but he's still not looking at me, and I squeeze his hands as I recite my revised vows. "I promise to love and honor my mate, as long as he looks me in the damn eye. If he doesn't, all bets are off."
Rektar's head jerks up. He gives me a startled look, then glances at the registrar. "Give us a moment," he tells the alien and then pulls me away a few steps so we can speak privately. My soon-to-be husband leans in, looming over me. "Lucy…I am not trying to offend you. I am trying to be polite. I was told humans will be afraid if I look them in the eye and I am to avert my gaze to appear unthreatening. I am so much larger than you and I don't want you to be scared of me."
I blink, absorbing this nonsense. "Who told you that?"
"It was part of our interspecies training prior to our arrival on Risda III," Rektar tells me in a grave voice. "I take it very seriously. I would like to be the best custodian I can…and I most especially do not wish to frighten you."
I look up at him. His cheeks are flushed and he still looks damn uncomfortable. I reach up and put a hand on his cheek. "When you look away all the time, it makes me feel like you don't want to look at me at all. Like I'm unpleasant."
His gaze meets mine, and there's surprise there. "That is not the case. At all."
"Then look at me," I tell him. "Look all you want. I'm not scared of you. You don't frighten me. And if you aren't sure how to act around me, ask and I'll tell you."
Rektar nods, his gaze locked on me. This time, there's no confusion in his eyes, just bald hunger. Possessiveness. Yearning.
God, that's so much better. I press my luck and decide to keep pushing. I stroke his cheek with my thumb, fascinated at how soft his skin is. It's like touching suede, and I want to pet him all over. "Are you marrying me out of duty?"
"I want you to be safe," he says automatically, and then catches himself. A moment later, he adds, "And…I want you." The words come out strangled. "I know I am not a worthy male—"
"Shh," I tell him, my fingers skimming over his lips to silence that sort of talk. "I won't hear you say such things about yourself. You're a good, strong, fierce man, and you're the best one I've ever met. I don't care if your last name is al'Aira'n or Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious. I still want to marry you. I've wanted you since you got here."