She doesn’t like this. Her pink lips press together and thin out. I notice then that the fullness is really a result of artfully applied makeup. In the harsh fluorescent light of the shop office, she doesn’t look as flawless as she did by the softer light of the Hilltop Cafe or the early morning sunlight that drifted into our kitchen. I see her eyes are darkened with liner making them look mysterious. And I have a suspicion that her long lashes might just be glued on.
We stare at each other for a while and then her face hardens.
“Fine, let me be frank with you. Your dad had a sizable inheritance from his parents. If he goes to prison, the state will take it.”
“How so?”
“In legal fees, for one, but for the other, felons can’t access their funds. And those funds stay frozen while the person is incarcerated. Your father has been paying me a monthly stipend since I left. When it stopped, I looked him and you up.”
I sigh with part relief and part sadness. “Why am I not surprised that this visit is all about money? I don’t have access to it. Father wiped out my account before he beat me.”
“This is where I come in.” She smiles and for the first time I think it's genuine. "Your father and I are still married.” She nods at my gasp of shock. “We’ll go in together. That money is supposed to be yours someday. Your name is on a special account. We go in together and you give me half and I’ll be out of your life for good.”
“How much is in there?”
“About a quarter of a million.”
I nearly faint.
“You had no idea, did you?” she says. “Your father is the tightest bastard and he liked to control people. I bet he did everything possible to make sure you stayed at home, working in that church. Did he call people in town and tell them not to hire you so you were forced to be church secretary?”
“I-I—” I don’t even what to say. It never even occurred to me that he’d do something like that but it made sense looking back because I couldn’t get a job even pumping gas.
She nods knowingly. “I’m right. I can see it in your face. So will you help me?”
“I need to think about it.” I shove out of my chair and run to the bathroom where I puke up my breakfast. She follows me inside and hands me the water bottle that was on the edge of my desk.
“Or I can stick around and play grandma for you,” she mocks.
“How’d you know?” I ask, placing a protective arm around my middle.
“You look just like me and I know what I looked like pregnant. Which one of them boys is the father or don’t you know?” She laughs in my face when I don’t answer. “I’ll be going but here’s my number. Call me when you’ve made a decision. A simple signature and I’ll be gone. Otherwise, I might just have to make Fortune my home for a while.” She runs a hand over her blouse and down to her hip. “And then we’ll see how good of a hold you have on your men.”
I bolt out of the garage and run to the library. Inside I find my former boss, Pippa Lang. Pippa’s only a few years older than me but she’s smart and has more mothering instinct in her pinky than my mom has in her entire body.
“Hey Pippa, you got a minute?”
She takes one look at my disheveled mess of a self and holds open her office door. “I was just taking lunch. Why don’t you put the sign up?”
I reach under the circulation desk and pull out the “Be back in 30 minutes” sign. I hustle into the office and collapse in a padded chair.
“What’s going on?”
“My mom showed up. Did you hear?”
“It’s all over town, almost nothing else people can talk about.”
“I was so conflicted at first, because she’s my mom and I missed her so much. But she took off and never looked back. Now I find out that she’s been gone and my father has been paying her a monthly fee to stay away or something.”
“Oh my God, that’s terrible. Was he blackmailing her or what?”
“No, I don’t think so. She’s not nice, Pippa. And that’s kind of an understatement.” I explain to Pippa about the money situation. “What should I do? I kind of don’t want her to have a penny of it but I also don’t want her around here. She’s poisonous.”
“You don’t think Easy and Michigan would cheat on you? They adore you.”
I wave my hand. “No but she could just cause trouble by stirring up gossip. You should’ve seen her at the garage. She came in wearing this real short, ruffled skirt and bent over to hug me while Judge was standing right behind her. I think she gave him a little show.”
Pippa leaps to her feet “I’m going to kill that bitch.” About halfway out the door she turns back. “Sorry, I’m so sorry I called your mom a bitch.”
“That’s okay.”
She comes back into the office and settles into her chair. “What do you want to happen?”
“I want Father to go away. I want her gone. I want to be able to start my family clean and new. It’s not like those two are good examples of parenting, you know? I don’t want my kid to be around a man like my father who is cold and mean or around my mother who looks out more for herself than anyone else.”
“Michigan and Easy could make both of them go away.”
I give a half hearted smile. “How?”
She stares hard at me and the light bulb turns on. Sucking in my bottom lip, I think about what she’s not saying. What they would do if I asked. “I can’t ask that of them. And besides, my mom doesn’t deserve it.”
I don’t know about Father. I’m still pretty conflicted about that.
“So don’t ask but they want payback and I don't think your father going to prison is going to be enough. Are you going to be okay with that?”
“I—I don’t know,” I stammer.
“When you hook up with one of these guys, you have to understand that they play by their own rules. They love you but they’re going to do things that other people have taught you are wrong. You either have to close your eyes and ears or you openly embrace them.”
As I walk back to the garage, I replay our conversation. She’s right. When you climb in bed with a Death Lord once, it’s just for fun. When you becom
e their old lady, when you wear the claiming cuffs, when you take them as your own, you have to accept the lifestyle that they chose before you came along. And you can’t change them and frankly, you don’t want to. Because underneath the violence, the sex, the hard play is loyalty—not just to their brotherhood but to you.
I know deep in my bones these men will never turn away from me, never leave me. They will cut off their hands before they hurt me. And all I have to do in exchange is love them unreservedly. I can do that. No matter what, I can do that.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Michigan
There are approximately twenty bikes in the courtyard when Easy and I pull up to the granary outside of town that serves as the Death Lords clubhouse. I’m an enforcer for the club which means if someone steps out of line, I reel them in. If someone presents harm to the club, I put the hurt on them. Most of the time that means erasing their existence, but sometimes we just scare the ever loving shit out of people. Whatever works, by whatever means.
I’m the gun, the hammer, the fist, and when I walk into a room with my cut around my shoulders, people quake. I do not quake. Ever.
But if I were honest, my palms are feeling a mite slick today because what happens during church today could mean I’m saying goodbye to those who’ve stood as my brothers for the last several years. They are the only family I’ve ever known; the one I didn’t even hope that I’d have.
But with Annie and Easy, I’ve got a different viewpoint and unlike most conflicts in my past, it’s not one where death wipes the slate clean.
The crunch of gravel reminds me that I’m not alone. Easy, my fellow enforcer and brother Marine, walks beside me.
“You ready, brother?” he asks, holding his fist thumb up. I knock the bottom of my fist against his.
“Ready.”
If anyone should feel conflicted, I guess it’s Easy. He grew up here in Fortune. He was a prospect of the Death Lords before he joined the Marines and patched in almost immediately when he separated from the military. He dragged me with him and we became enforcers together.