Not believing what I’m seeing, I grab the closest photo and hold it up to the light. Then the next. And the next. Until I have them all in my hands.
Her mission accomplished, Mitzy quiets as I stare at the photos in shocked disbelief.
No matter how many times I blink or close my eyes though they don’t change.
They’re all pictures of me…
9
James
Walking into Lucifer’s office, I smirk when I see I’m the first to arrive. “Where’s the Spider?”
“A doctor’s appointment, I believe, with Meredith,” Lucifer says then gestures for me to take a seat. “He’ll be along shortly.”
Nodding my head, I take off my jacket and toss it onto the chair Simon always sits in before sitting down. “How’s the kids?”
“Very good. Spring soccer for Evie, and Adam has decided he’s ready to skip another grade,” Lucifer says with a smile.
I let out a low whistle. “Damn, I guess brains really do run in the family.”
“They assuredly do,” he agrees then leans forward. “James, will your dear brother be hearing the sounds of small feet pitter-pattering around your home soon?”
I roll my eyes at him. He only calls me that shit when it’s just us, and he only does it to get under my skin.
“Nah, I got a vasectomy back when I was over in Kuwait,” I say with a grin.
Eyes widening in anger, he almost snarls. “You what?”
I shrug my shoulders at him. “No need for kids when I can play uncle to yours and Meredith’s.”
“James,” Lucifer says quietly.
“Matthew,” I say just as quietly and smirk at him. “You tell sis that she’s got a bastard brother yet?”
“I… No, I have not. And I do believe…” he says before I wave him off.
“Don’t tell her and don’t let Simon.” At his scowl, I raise my hands up in a placating manner. “Don’t worry, I don’t want to succeed. There will be no fratricide here. No fucking Cain and Abel. This bastard doesn’t want the Devil’s throne.”
“Truly?” Lucifer leans back with a smirk of his own. His eyes filling with that twinkle he gets sometimes right before he blows the back of someone’s head out.
Or when he sees Evie score a soccer goal.
“Why would I?” I stretch up to yawn, listening as my spine pops.
“No aspirations of something bigger and better?” he asks.
“I own roughly twenty-eight million in property. My liquid assets are even more. I like my job, I like my house, and I like you being the target of so many people’s anger.” I grin at him.
“Ah.” He smiles and shakes his head. “So how’s the wife?”
I splutter at the term. “Fuck you, asshole. This is all your fucking fault. First you… Then I had to get fucking hexed by John… We’re not married.”
“You will be, and I’m sure your testicular issue can be reversed easily enough,” Lucifer says right as I hear Simon walk into the office behind me.
“His testicles are still intact,” Simon says as he flings my coat off his chair and sets his laptop bag on the small desk he keeps in the office.
I turn my head toward Simon and glare at him in annoyance. “Fuck off. And what? Do you have a bug in here?”
Simon sighs and shakes his head. “It’s the same line I’ve heard you tell Jude when you two were together. It’s a lie. The last body scan we did of you proves that fact. Also, since it’s getting close to the time of your yearly checkup, I’ve set up a reminder to push to your phone calendar.”
“Where the fuck is Jude anyways?” I ask after a minute of watching Simon play with his laptop like it’s his dick. “Dude, Simon, listen man… Does Meredith get jealous that you stroke your laptop so sexually like that?”
“James…” Simon growls at me before he returns to his laptop.
“Seriously, like how did you knock her up? Was it artificial insemination?” I ask and can’t help but chuckle at Simon’s expression. “I thought you were a techno-sexual.”
Pulling a black Smith & Wesson from his under-the-arm holster, Simon doesn’t even turn to face me as he aims the gun at my forehead. “Five million.”
Laughing loudly, I ask, “Five million what?”
Cocking the hammer back on the gun, the pussy explains, “Five million is what I’m offering Matthew as a penance for putting a hole through you.”
“Sorry, I’m—” Johnathan says as he stops in the doorway. “Well fuck.”
Turning my head, I watch as Johnathan pulls his gun from the holster on his hip and aims it at Simon.
“What the hell?” Gabriel says as he shoulders past John and pulls his gun. He aims it at Lucifer and shrugs.
“Will you all stop fucking around?” Andrew asks when he walks in behind Gabriel.
Pulling his gun, he aims it directly at me.
Then, with a smirk, Andrew lowers his gun, aiming it at my dick.