I am leaving you with one last command as your Master, beloved. Grieve if you must, but not for long. Then open your eyes and heart to Master Dax, see what you have been too blinded by your love and commitment to me to notice before.
Yours always,
Master Kurt
Krista stood on wobbly legs, unable to stem the steady flow of tears rolling down her face. Odd how the heaviness around her heart had eased as she’d read her husband’s farewell to her. His eye-opening confessions didn’t change how much she’d loved him, nor did she resent any of the things he’d done to see she would be taken care of. How could she fault his love for her? She couldn’t help but still wish he hadn’t left her the way he had. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t researched everything about ALS and didn’t know every detail of the slow deterioration in store for him. She’d known how difficult suffering those indignities would be for anyone, but especially for someone who thrived on being in control.
Tires rolled to a stop outside, followed by the slam of a car door. Her heart leapt and butterflies of excitement fluttered inside her. Forgetting how she’d left Dax, she flung open the front door, but it was Alessa who took one look at her face, and ushered her inside and over to the sofa with a soft-spoken demand.
“Tell me what happened.”
For the second time that day, Krista crumbled. “I d-don’t know wh…ere to begin, or-or how I f…eel or what to… to do.” Leaning against her, Krista thought to ask, “Why aren’t you at work?”
“Because you’re more important. Spill, and don’t leave anything out while I pour the wine.” With a quick squeeze, Alessa released her and padded into the kitchen. She returned with two full glasses and the bottle. Handing Krista one, she stated, “What’re you waiting for? Talk.”
With a watery laugh, Krista sipped then said, “You’d make a good Domme.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
That quick denial was worth delving into later. As best she could, Krista related the events of the day, then handed Kurt’s letter to Lessa to read for herself, trusting her friend with the contents.
“Huh, so I wasn’t the only one who noticed the hot doctor only looked at you a certain way,” Alessa said, looking up from reading the letter.
“He’s a Dom, it’s in his genes to look at submissive women in a certain way,” Krista excused, too afraid to believe Dax really did care deeply for her in fear of being let down again.
“Yeah, well he came out of his jeans for you, and he’s never done that for any other hospital employee, and God knows most of the women let their interest be known. Seriously, think about it, Krista. You told me yourself how unresponsive you were to that jerk at the club, then how fast you reacted when Dax interfered. I don’t know anything about your lifestyle in that area, but that has to be a sign feelings are involved, doesn’t it? Otherwise, it’s just sex, and wouldn’t matter who was touching you as long as they hit the right buttons.”
“First, you’d know more about my lifestyle if you’d go with me and second, I don’t know about other people, but for me, I have to admit the possibility that I need there to be a special connection before I can give a man my total submission. It had been that way with Kurt.” And, if she looked back hard enough, it had always been that way with Dax.
Refilling their glasses, Alessa smirked. “I can tell you’re finally seeing the light at the end of your tunnel. Now, the question is, what’re you going to do when you walk into it?”
“What can I do?”
“Mmm, good question. Let’s give it some thought over another glass of wine.”
Laughing, feeling better than she had all day, Krista lifted her glass to toast Alessa. “I’ll drink to that.”
Pulling through the wide double gates, Dax drove at a slow pace down the tree-shrouded lane bisecting the older cemetery plots from the new. He hadn’t been here since he’d returned from overseas, but the only anniversary of Darci’s death he’d missed visiting her was last year while he’d been gone. Cruising to a stop, he sat a moment in the peaceful surroundings. Lush green grass provided a bright blanket for the grey headstones. Colorful flower arrangements dotted the sweeping vista and, sliding out of the car, he picked up his own contribution to add to the scenery. Traipsing between graves, he expected to see the two vases attached to his sister’s headstone empty, but the silk array of bright sunflowers caught him off guard.
Stooping, Dax brushed his hand over the engraved wording: Darci Ann Hayes, Beloved Daughter and Sister. He still couldn’t believe his parents had had the gall to put the word Beloved on there when they’d spent more time arguing with each other than paying attention to their two children. That was how they’d missed all the signs of heart disease their daughter had been born with.
After stuffing his flowers in with the others, he sat on the small, ornate stone bench he’d purchased when he’d opened his practice and finally had the money. Rubbing his hand over his face, he dredged up the painful memory of Darci’s death and the months of releasing his anger at his parents in as many destructive ways as he could. It surprised him they’d even noticed the nights he came home too drunk to walk, or had cared when the cops caught him joyriding in a ‘borrowed’ car. He’d been so blind with grief and so filled with fury over their neglect, all he could think about was lashing out until they hurt as much as he.
Dax had never wanted to hurt that much again, but here he was, his heart torn to shreds over losing Krista, even though he’d always known there could never be anything lasting between them. He’d come close to answering her call this morning, just to hear her voice. But why torture himself? She probably wanted an explanation, something to make her feel better, but he didn’t have one to give her. Hell, he’d never been able to understand the strong hold she’d always had on him.
“I thought I’d find you here. It’d help if you’d answer your phone.” Sean sat down next to him, his grey eyes reflecting sorrow as he gazed at Darci’s headstone.
Somehow, Dax wasn’t surprised at Sean’s interruption. “Did you ever think I didn’t want to talk to you?”
“No. You’re good at avoiding those you love who’ve hurt you, but since I’m not one of them, then you have no reason to shun me.” Waving his hand toward the overflow of flowers, Sean said, “Looks pretty.”
“They’re not all mine. I don’t know who put out the sunflowers. They were her favorite.”
“I suspect your parents know that. Have you seen them yet?”
Dax whipped his eyes to his friend and bit out, “Neither of them noticed how she had trouble exercising, the way she’d always be out of breath, or her poor weight gain. What the fuck makes you think they’d know something so inconsequential as their daughter’s favorite flower?”
“Like I said, you’re good at not talking to—”
“Cut the crap. I don’t love my parents, and you know it,” Dax insisted.
Sean sighed, as if Dax’s comment pained him. Well, that was too bad. “We all loved, or love our parents, Dax, regardless of our piss poor childhoods and their less than stellar job performance. Everyone makes mistakes. You can either forgive and move on, or let them continue to drag you down. What happened between you and Krista?”
The quick change of subject was just like the shrink but still caught Dax off guard. “Who says anything happened?”
“I figured something did since she called me about an hour ago and asked if I’d be willing to meet her at Chains tomorrow night. I asked about you, but all she said was you’re refusing to talk to her.”
“Well, it didn’t take her long to move on, did it?” he snapped, unable to keep the irrational, jealous bitterness from his voice. Dax’s gut clenched thinking of Krista turning to someone else, which was ironic since he’d wanted her to do just that when he’d left. But that was before he’d had her for himself.
“If it irritates you so much, why aren’t you talking to her?”
Dax hated Sean’s calm, patient tone as much as the reasoning b
ehind his prying. But since his friend didn’t know the circumstances surrounding the complicated on-again/off-again relationship he battled with Krista, he couldn’t fault him. “You’re an irritating son-of-a-bitch, you know that?”