Robin tapped her spoon twice against the mug, then put it on the counter. “So, what happened to you, John? How’d you end up in jail?”
He shrugged. “Wrong crowd.”
She laughed, but obviously didn’t think it was funny. “I guess you were innocent?”
She had asked this two days ago at the hospital, and he gave her the stock answer. “Everybody in prison is innocent.”
Robin was silent, staring at the mirror behind the counter.
“So,” he said, wanting to change the subject. “Who was your first kiss?”
“My first real kiss?” she asked. “The first guy I kissed who I really wanted to kiss?” She seemed to think about it. “I met him at the state home,” she finally said. “We were together for twenty-five years.”
John blew on his coffee, took a sip. “That’s a long time.”
“Yeah, well.” She picked up her spoon again. “I fucked around on him a lot.”
John choked on his coffee.
She smiled, but it was more for her own sake. “We broke up two years ago.”
“Why?”
“Because when you know somebody that long, when you grow up with somebody like that, you’re just too…” She searched for a word. “Raw,” she decided. “Too vulnerable. I know everything about him and he knows everything about me. You can’t really love somebody like that. I mean, sure, you can love them—he’s like a part of me, part of my heart. But you can never be with them the way you want to. Not love them like a lover.” She shrugged. “If I really cared about him, I’d leave him so that he could get on with his life.”
John wasn’t sure how to respond. “He’s crazy to let you go.”
“Well, there’s more to it than my side of the story,” she admitted. “I’m a real bitch, in case you hadn’t noticed. What about you?”
John gave a startled “Me?”
“You have a girlfriend?”
He laughed. “Are you kidding me? I went in when I was sixteen. The only woman I ever saw was my mother.”
“What about…” Her voice trailed off. “You were a kid, right? When you got to prison?”
John felt his jaw work. He nodded without looking at her, trying not to let his mind conjure up the image of Zebra, those black-and-white teeth, those hands clamping down on the back of his neck.
If she saw his acknowledgment, she didn’t comment. Instead, she blew on her coffee and finally took a sip, saying, “Damn, it’s cold.”
John signaled for the waitress.
“How y’all doing here?” the woman asked.
“Fine, thank you,” John told her, letting her fill his cup with more coffee. He wasn’t used to so much caffeine in the morning and his hands were sweating. Or maybe he was just nervous because Robin was here. She was talking to him like they knew each other. John couldn’t remember if there had ever been a time in his life when he’d had a conversation like this.
The waitress said, “Y’all let me know if you need anything.”
Robin waited for the woman to leave before asking, “So, John, what have you been doing since you got out?”
“Reconnecting with my family,” he answered. He couldn’t help but add, “I’ve been looking for my cousin. There’s some things we need to talk about.”
Robin looked over his shoulder at a man sitting alone in the corner booth. John checked the guy’s reflection in the mirror, wondering if he was one of her johns. The man was wearing a three-piece suit. He was probably a lawyer or a doctor with a family at home.
“John?” He looked back at Robin. She surprised him by asking, “What kind of trouble are you in?”
“No kind of trouble.”
“You said somebody was blackmailing you.”
He nodded. “I did.”
“Who?”
John put his hands on either side of his cup. He wanted to answer her, to tell her everything that had happened, but Robin had enough in her life without him adding to the burden. What’s more, he didn’t have Joyce’s optimism about Aunt Lydia doing the right thing. Michael was still her son, even if he was a sadistic murderer. There was no telling what he was capable of doing. John wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something bad came down on Robin because of him.
He told her, “I can’t get you caught up in all of this.”
Her hand went to his thigh. “What if I want to be involved?” John’s breath caught as she moved her hand higher. “I know you’re a good guy.”
His mouth opened so that he could breathe. “Maybe you shouldn’t…”
“I know you don’t have anybody to talk to,” she said, her hand firm on his leg. “I just want you to know that you can talk to me.”
He shook his head, whispering, “Robin…”
She rubbed her hand back and forth. “It’s been a long time, huh?”
Never, John thought. It’s been never.
“You wanna go somewhere and talk?”
“I don’t…” He couldn’t think. “I don’t have any money to—”
She moved closer to him. “I told you. I’m off the clock.”
If her hand went any higher, he was going to have to ask the waitress for a towel. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to find some strength.
He put his hand over hers. “I can’t.”
“You don’t want me?”
“There’s not a man alive who doesn’t want you,” he said, thinking there were no truer words ever spoken. “I care about you, Robin. I know that’s stupid. I know I don’t even know you. But I can’t get you involved in my problems, okay? There’s already been too many people hurt. If something happened to you, if you got hurt, too…” He shook his head. He couldn’t think about it. “When this is over,” he said. “When this is over, I’ll find you.”
Robin had taken her hand away. She held her cup up to her mouth and repeated the question. “Who’s blackmailing you, John?”
Her tone had changed. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint how, but it reminded him of the guards in prison, the way they asked a question knowing that you had to answer them or they’d throw you in the hole.
He said, “It’ll all be settled soon.”
“How’s that?”
“I’m just taking care of it,” he told her. “I can’t say anything else about it right now.”
“You’re not going to tell me anything?”
“Nope,” he told her.
“Are you sure, John?”
She was so serious. He gave her a questioning smile, said, “Let’s talk about something else.”
“I need you to talk to me,” she said. “I need to know what’s going on.”
“What’s this all about?”
“It’s about your life, John. Can’t you be up-front with me?”
The hairs on the back of his neck went up. “I don’t like where this is going.”
Robin put down her mug. She stood up, her expression turning hard. “I tried to help you. Remember that.”