I headed straight back to the apartment, but once I arrived I stood there in a daze.
“You all right?” one of my ever-rotating mix of flatmates asked. “You want in on this?” He held up a joint.
“I think I just need to lie down.” I headed off to my bedroom, but I felt far too restless to sleep. Instead, I decided to take a shower. Standing there in the heat, the spray hitting my back and shoulders, I finally felt sensation returning to my body. And with it came some questions.
Had Ian known I was in Edinburgh? He didn't seem surprised to see me at that meeting. It seemed as if he'd known I was at Callahan and Spence.
Had we been living in the same city for months now? After all we'd been through, how could he have not gotten in touch with me? Did he not care at all? With no word from him, I’d assumed the worst. I'd left him in a dark state, and naturally assumed that was where he still wallowed. Now to see him walking around and leading a business meeting, I felt amazed. I also felt a little pissed off.
But there in the shower, other thoughts came to me as well. He looked so damn good. He walked slowly, and I knew him well enough to guess it was because of the degree of effort walking required. But that was not the impression he gave. With that slow, deliberate gait, he exuded power and assurance. He stood so commanding, looking even bigger than when I'd seen him last. He had to have put on 10, maybe 15 pounds of muscle. I barely recognized him.
I recognized his eyes, though, and the way he looked at me. Just a couple of times, but when our eyes had met, the intensity had left me breathless. I felt a throb between my legs, remembering how he'd made me feel, how much he’d taught me about pleasure. I hadn't felt anything remotely like it since. Closing my eyes in the warm spray, picturing his powerful build, my fingers almost traveled down to where I knew I'd find myself wet for him.
But I didn't. I opened my eyes and toweled off, wondering why in the hell he hadn't lifted a finger to get back in touch with me. He hadn't even sent an email, a quick, “Hey, looking forward to seeing you at the meeting tomorrow.” I wasn't going to let myself get caught up in all that was Ian all over again. That hadn't gone well last time. I wouldn't let it happen twice.
The next day, I was back at work, not exactly rested, but snapped out of my state of shock. If Ian could go about his business as if it were no big deal to see me again, I could do it too. Even if it felt like the whole axis of my world had tilted.
Later in the day we got word that we got the account. “Douglas Distillery!” Greg came over to try to lock me in an embrace, probably wanting to let his two-cheek kiss stray a little too close to my lips. I broke away and gave him a lukewarm high-five instead.
“I think we got the account because of you.” He winked at me. “You’re our good luck charm. I just want to keep you right in my pocket.”
Creepy. I tried to keep focused on other tasks, reminding myself how hard I worked to build this life for myself. Seeing Ian again shouldn't rock me to the core. Plus, I didn't even know if Callahan and Spence would put me on the team working with them. They had a large roster of clients. Honestly, if I had to continue to see Ian in only an impersonal, professional context? I didn't even know if I really wanted to be on the account.
After lunch, Deidre, the VP of strategy, called me into her office. I didn't think I'd ever spoken to her directly before, she was so high up and I was so low down.
“Close the door behind you,” she said as I entered. “You must've impressed the hell out of them at that pitch yesterday.” She surveyed me with sharply analytical eyes. I'd hardly call dropping my water glass and staring at my fingers a recipe for success, but I didn't say that to her. I smiled at her blandly.
“The client wants you on the account,” she informed me. “They asked for you specifically, by name.”
“Oh.” I blushed, not sure what to say. “That's great.”
“You'll be on it with some senior staff. They can help you out. But I want to make sure you're up for this. Douglas is a small business, but there’s high growth potential, and we see this as investing in a long-term client relationship. They have an aggressive timeline and we want to help them meet it. It's going to take some long hours and late nights. Are you in?”
“Yes, of course,” I agreed automatically. “This is a great opportunity.”
Deidre nodded. “I've heard good things about you. Don't let us down.”
Over the next week, I thought about Ian all day long, but now it was my job. I sat in meetings where I got briefed on the history of Douglas Distillery. I participated in brainstorming sessions about the unique qualities of Douglas Scotch and how to communicate them to consumers. I even took part in a tasting session, in which a representative from the company walked us through samples of the products, encouraging us to breath it in, hold it on our tongues before we swallowed. To say the least, it was surreal.
I did not hear from Ian. It helped that I did not expect to. He was stubborn as a mule, and had he wanted to get back in touch he could have done so, maybe months ago. No, I focused on what I had control over, and that was putting together the best marketing campaign we could.
I felt half-crazy the first time I headed over again to Ian’s office for a meeting to discuss our preliminary concepts. I dressed to the nines in a crisp, narrow-cut jacket paired with slim cigarette pants and stiletto heels. I was a businesswoman now. I'd moved on, thank you very much.
This time around, I did fairly well in the conference room. I didn't drop any water glasses. Prepared for when he walked into the room, I looked down, hoping it would make me immune to his magnetism. I refused to make eye contact, and that helped me keep my voice level and direct as I addressed the group for my portion of our presentation. I walked them through a few sketches, narrating a storyline that we thought might connect with a younger audience.
After the meeting, I felt my stomach flutter, my nerves finally surfacing. Would we talk? What would he say? Turned out I didn't need to worry. Another member of our team, a sexy thing who'd made the rounds through half of Callahan and Spence including Callahan himself, had Ian on lockdown.
“I love your product. It's so authentic.” She flicked her long, dark hair behind her back, playing with the top button of her blouse as if she wanted to unfasten it right then and there. I huffed out of the room, jabbing at the elevator to take me down like it had done me wrong.
“Annie, is it?” One of Ian’s marketing execs came and found me before I could make my escape. “Mr. Douglas would like a word with you before you leave.” How could I say no? Reluctantly, I followed him to a large, modern office. A few books on the shelves, a couple of pieces of artwork, the main feature of the room was a large desk and two, giant windows overlooking the bustling street below.
“Nothing beats the ocean, but it's not a bad view.” Ian rose as I entered, but I didn't meet his eyes. I felt too raw with emotion. He came to stand beside me.
“It's good to see you, Annie.”
I gave him a sideways glance. “Did you know I was in Edinburgh?”
He nodded. “About two months ago I looked you up and saw you were at Callahan and Spence.”
“And you didn't get in touch?”
“Would you have wanted me to?” He searched my face as if he really didn’t know.
I looked away. This was a ridiculous conversation. I'd fallen madly in love with this man, ripped my heart out of my chest and left it behind with him when I walked away over a year ago, and he wondered whether I would have wanted a call?
A thought occurred to me. “Did you request that I work on this account?”
“I did.” He looked at me, his gaze level. “Would you rather not?”
“No, it's fine.” It felt like my world was upside down, but if he could act cool and professional, well, then, so could I. “I was just wondering.”
“You're very talented. I've always told you that.”
“Yeah, thanks.” I wanted to leave. So much emotion was brimming in me, right a
t the surface. I didn't want my eyes to fill up with tears in front of him. But I had to ask. “So, when did you…” I gestured at him, standing there in front of me looking like a man reborn.