“Yeah, do you remember? The summer I was 18 I dated him.”
“Wait, the boy who grew up here?” Her nose wrinkled, as if she didn’t particularly like the memory.
“He’s not really a boy anymore. He’s 27.” I tucked my hair behind my ear, already feeling defensive.
“What does he do?” Her emphasis on the word “do” seemed to imply she couldn’t imagine the answer would be anything good.
“He’s a firefighter and a couple other things, too. He’s been helping me fix up the studio.”
“Seriously?” She giggled. “So he’s good with his hands.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “But tell me, who else?” She swapped at my knee again, ready for me to really launch into the good gossip.
“Who else?”
“He can’t be the only game in town. What about Theo Bartright? I heard from mom he’s spending a lot of time here on weekends. If you’re not all over that, I am.”
“Theo and I have hung out a few times.”
“Snap that up. Seriously.”
“Yeah.” I glanced at my phone, checking the time. Would it be too soon to leave? I’d only just arrived.
“Don’t tell me you’re hung up on the fireman.”
I rubbed my forehead, not answering. Her manic energy was exhausting and I did not like where I could see her heading with her big sister advice.
“Listen to me.” She leaned forward in her chair, urgent and intent on imparting wisdom. “You don’t know what it’s like out there on your own. You need someone who can take care of you.”
“Why do you think I don’t know what it’s like on my own? I’ve been living in the city on my own since I was 18.”
“But you were in your little dance bubble.”
“Dance bubble?” Now my voice rose up a few notches. Did she somehow think the world I’d been in had been a protective, kind place that sheltered me from the cruel world?
“Don’t get defensive. When someone holds a mirror up to our face, we need to take a deep breath and have the courage to take a look at our reflection.”
“What’s this ‘we’ and ‘our’?” I didn’t want to sit around and listen to her spout her favorite quotes from group therapy.
“All I’m saying is, I’m sure your hunky fireman is hot in bed. But what is Theo, like, a billionaire?”
“It’s not all about money, Margot.”
She threw back her head and laughed and laughed as if I’d said the funniest thing she’d ever heard. She actually wiped a tear from her eye she laughed so hard. Finally catching her breath, she said, “You’ve always been so cute. But, honey.” She paused for emphasis, again with her hand on my knee. “It’s always about money.”
“OK, that’s my cue to go.” I stood up just as my mother came back with Roger by her side carrying a tray with three freshly made Bloody Marys.
“Leaving so soon?” my mother asked, without a hint of surprise or disappointment. I didn’t know what she actually felt deep within the mask she wore at all times. Maybe even she didn’t know anymore.
“Sorry, I have to go get some work done on my shop.” After a bit of air-kissing, I headed out feeling like I needed a shower even though I’d taken one only a few of hours ago. And I hadn’t even gotten a chance to see Eloise. I’d have to text her nanny and make plans through her.
Liam came over in the late afternoon, and he could tell right away I was out of sorts.
“Everything OK?” he asked, following me upstairs to my apartment. Whenever anyone asked that, the answer was invariably, “no.”
“Margot’s back early from rehab.”
“That’s not usually a good thing.”
“Nope, that’s not one of those things it’s good to finish up early.”
“How does she seem?”
“Manic. She’s convinced that I don’t know anything and can’t make good decisions. So the two of you have that in common.” Whoops, that had come out more acerbic that I’d intended. But I felt frustrated and anger bloomed up in my chest.
r />
“Are you angry about something?” He folded his arms across his chest, leveling his gaze at me as we stood in my apartment.
“The thing is, I’m not dumb.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
“No, but, here’s the thing. Did you think I wouldn’t notice that you never spend the night here? That you’ve never had me over to your place?”
“Sophie—”
“You keep pushing me away.”
“I don’t—”
“First you, then Margot telling me I should be with Theo.”
“She said that?”
How dare he look angry about her saying the exact same thing he had. “I’m opening myself up to you in every possible way and you, you just keep holding back. Why?”
He met my gaze, direct and defiant. “Because you don’t know me, Sophie.”
“But I want to, Liam.” I stepped toward him, trying desperately to bridge the gap between us. All I wanted was to get closer but the words that came out of our mouths seemed to push us further apart. I reached up, hand to his shoulder. “Please, Liam. Don’t keep pulling away from me.”
He held his body rigid as if deflecting my touch. “Trust me. You don’t want all of me.”
“I do,” I insisted. None of us were perfect. Why did he see himself as so hideously flawed?
“Do you want to see what I want to do to you?” he asked, a dark gleam in his eyes. “Do you really want to know how cruel I can be?” He took a step toward me and despite what I’d just said, I took a step back in retreat. He suddenly seemed so intimidating, full of such fierce and powerful rage. “Do you want to know how much I want to make you suffer?”
“Um…” I swallowed, not sure what to do with those questions.
“I want to punish you, Sophie.” He walked toward me, backing me into my bedroom step by step. “I want to torture you until you cry and beg and submit completely. Do you want to find out what that’s like? I don’t think you do.”
Shaking, I felt so cold. Goose bumps ran up and down my legs and arms. I knew this was it, a turning point, perhaps the final turning point with Liam. I could tell him to leave and he would. The man had a strong will. He’d gone seven years without contacting me and he’d go even longer if he thought it was what I wanted.