“I believe I said—”
He took her arm, a bit more roughly than he’d intended. “You are an unmarried woman, alone in a foreign land.”
She gave him a look of some disbelief. “I have a mount, Thomas. It is not as if I will be walking the roads alone.”
“I will escort you,” he repeated.
“Will you be civil?”
“Civility seems to be the one thing I cannot lose,” he said dryly. “Else I’d have been happy to leave you be.”
For a moment he thought she might argue, but her innate good sense took hold. “Very well,” she said, with an impatient breath. “You may feel free to deposit me at the end of the lane, should you wish.”
“Is that a dare, Lady Amelia?”
She turned to him with eyes so sad he almost felt punched. “When did you start calling me lady again?”
He stared at her for several moments before finally answering, soft and low, “When I ceased to be a lord.”
She made no comment, but he saw her throat work. Bloody hell, she had better not cry. He could not do this if she cried.
“Let us return, then,” she said, and she pulled her arm free and stepped quickly in front of him. He heard the catch in her voice, though, and as she walked to the door, he could see that her gait was not right.
She looked too stiff and she was not holding her hands the way she usually did. Her arm did not sway in that tiny, graceful movement he so adored.
Except he hadn’t realized he adored it.
He had not even known that he knew the rhythms of her walk until he saw that she wasn’t doing it.
And it was so damned frustrating that now, in the middle of all of this rot, when he wanted to do nothing but sit and be sorry for himself, he hurt for her.
“Amelia,” he said once they exited the inn. His voice sounded abrupt, but he hadn’t meant to call out to her. It had just…happened.
She stopped. Her fingers went up to her face and back down again before she turned.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
She did not ask why, but the question hung in the air nonetheless.
“For being so rude. You were undeserving of it.”
She looked up and then to the side before finally meeting his gaze. “You behaved far better than most men would have done in your situation.”
Somehow he managed a smile. “If you happen to meet someone else—in my situation, that is—kindly give him my direction.”
A tiny, mortified giggle escaped her lips. “I’m so sorry,” she got out. Barely.
“Oh, don’t be. If anyone deserves to laugh, it is you.”
“No,” she said immediately. “No. I could never—”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said, cutting her off before she could say something that might make him feel even more of a clod. “Merely that you’ve had your life overturned as well.”
He helped her up to her saddle, trying not to allow his hands to linger at her waist. Or to notice that she smelled like roses.
“It’s not far back to Cloverhill,” she said once they were on their way.
He nodded.
“Oh yes, of course you must know that. You’d have ridden past, on the way back from Maguiresbridge.”
He nodded again.
She nodded, too, then faced front, her eyes focused securely on the road ahead of her. She was quite a good rider, he noted. He did not know how she’d fare under less sedate conditions, but her posture and seat were perfect.
He wondered if her spine would soften, if her shoulders might slouch just a bit if she actually turned and looked at him.
But she didn’t. Every time he glanced in her direction, he saw her profile. Until finally they reached the turnoff to Cloverhill.
“The end of the drive, I believe you specified,” he murmured.
“Are you coming in?” she asked. Her voice wasn’t tentative, but there was something heartbreakingly careful about it.
“No.”
She nodded. “I understand.”
He doubted that she did, but there seemed no reason to say it.
“Are you coming back at all?” she asked.
“No.” He hadn’t thought about it until this moment, but no, he did not wish to journey back to England with their traveling party. “I will make my own way back to Belgrave,” he told her. And after that, he could not say. He supposed he’d remain in residence for a week or so to show Jack what was what. Collect his belongings. Surely some of it was his and not the dukedom’s. It would be rather hard to swallow if he did not even own his own boots.
Why that was more depressing than the loss of the entire bloody castle, he’d never know.
“Good-bye, then,” she said, and she smiled a bit. But just a bit. In its own way, her smile was the saddest thing he’d ever seen.
“Good-bye, Amelia.”
She paused for a moment, then nudged her mount to the left, preparing to set off down the drive.
“Wait!” he called out.
She turned in her seat, her eyes shining hopeful. A bit of her hair caught the breeze, lifting through the air in a sinuous arc before she impatiently jabbed at it, shoving it behind her ear.
“I must beg a favor,” he said. It was true, actually, although that did not quite explain the relief he felt when she brought her mount back to his side.
“Of course,” she said.
“I need to write a short letter. To the duke.” He cleared his throat. It was difficult to guess just how long it would take before that rolled off his tongue. “Will you be my messenger?”
“Yes, but I would be happy just to pass along a message. So you don’t have to go to the trouble of…” Her hand worked awkwardly through the air. “Well, to the trouble of writing it, I suppose.”
“If you pass along my words, they will know you have seen me.”
Her lips parted but she did not reply.
“You have your reputation to consider,” he said quietly.
She swallowed, and he knew what she was thinking. They had never had to worry about her reputation before.
“Of course,” she said, her voice clipped.
“Will you meet me right here?” he asked. “Just after sundown.”
“No.”
He blinked in surprise.
“You might be late, and I don’t wish to wait for you on a public road.”
“I won’t be late,” he told her.
“I will meet you at the gazebo.”
“There is a gazebo?”
“Mrs. Audley showed it to me earlier.” She explained to him how to get there, then added, “It is not far from the house. But you won’t be seen, if that is your concern.”
He nodded. “Thank you. I appreciate your assistance.”
She rode away then, and he waited, watching her as she grew smaller and smaller in the distance. He waited until she went around the slight curve in the drive, taking her out of his vision. And then he waited some more.
And then, finally, when he knew in his heart that she’d got down from her horse and made her way inside, he turned and rode off.
But not until then.
Chapter 21
Sundown came late this time of year, and as Mrs. Audley kept country hours, it was well past supper by the time Amelia made her way to the gazebo. As she’d expected, no one made note of her departure. Her father had retired to his room directly after the meal; he was still rather cross over Jack’s proposal to Grace. The dowager had not even bothered to come down in the first place.
After their meal, Mrs. Audley invited Amelia to join her in the drawing room with Jack and Grace, but Amelia declined. She had spent an hour in the same place with the same three people before supper, and the entire conversation consisted of tales of Jack’s exploits in his younger days. Which were indeed amusing. But perhaps more so if one were in love with him, which she was
not. No one was surprised when she said she was tired and would prefer to read in bed.
She took a book from the small library, climbed the stairs, reclined upon her bed for a minute to give the covers a properly rumpled look, then stole her way outside. If Grace went back to the room while she was out—which Amelia highly doubted; she’d been hanging on Mrs. Audley’s every word—it would appear that she had wandered out for just a moment. To the library, for another book. Or maybe to find something to eat. There was no reason anyone might suspect that she was planning to meet Thomas. Everyone had expressed their curiosity, of course, as to his whereabouts, but it was understood that he would wish for some time to himself.
The sun was sinking along the horizon as she made her way to the gazebo, and already the air was getting that flat quality to it—the colors less vivid, the shadows gone. She told herself that their meeting meant nothing, that she was simply doing him a favor, collecting his letter so she might leave it on a table in the front hall and then feign surprise with all the rest when it was discovered. And it probably was nothing. She was not going to be throwing herself at him again; her last attempt at passion had surely fulfilled whatever quota of mortification she was due for her lifetime. And Thomas had given her no indication that he wished to pursue their romance further. Not now that he’d lost Wyndham.
He was so bloody proud. She supposed that was what came of living one’s life as one of the twenty or so most powerful men in the land. She could tear her heart from her chest and hand it to him, tell him she’d love him until the day she died, and he would still refuse to marry her.
For her own good.
That was the worst of it. He’d say it was for her own good, that she deserved more.
As if she’d ever valued him for his title and riches. If this had all happened just last month, before they’d spoken, before they kissed…
She wouldn’t have cared.
Oh, she’d be embarrassed, she supposed, the next time she went to London. But there would be plenty who’d say she made a lucky escape, not to have married him before he lost the title. And she knew her worth. She was the reasonably attractive, intelligent (but not—oh, thank you, Mother—too intelligent), well-dowered daughter of an earl. She’d not remain on the shelf for long.