Ice rubbed his hand over his eyes and jaw and then looked at her again. Twice he opened his mouth to say something, then he just shook his head and looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry, Soleil. There’s nothing to say. Nothing. Now you know what kind of man I am.”
She handed him his shirt. “I know I love you, honey. I know you did everything you could to help those girls.”
He shook his head. “I traded them for Alena and Storm. If I didn’t cooperate, they would take her—take them. I had to get the girls ready for them. Convince them to cooperate and convince them they loved what was being done to them. No tears, because tears meant they weren’t into it.”
She rubbed her finger over the teardrops dripping from his eye. “For them. For those girls. You did this for all of them.”
“If they couldn’t cry, I couldn’t cry. I didn’t want them to have to like what was being done to them if I didn’t like it. It was so wrong, Soleil. They would arouse me when I was just a little boy, making me feel so good when they would get these girls to cooperate. They taught me how to do it. Fuck.” He spat the word and pulled his shirt over his head. “I need to show you off. I can’t stop myself. It makes me hard, but then . . .” He looked at her helplessly. “What does that make me? What did they make me into? I’m like them. Just the fuck like them.”
She put her arms around him, bringing his head to her chest. He might not be able to cry, but the tears were burning deep. She felt them. He choked on them. “You’re not anything like them. You were a child.”
“I grew up. Year after year. I grew and they kept up their demands because I was so fucking good at it.” He pushed into her, tightening his arms until she was afraid she would die from lack of air, but she didn’t move, just held him, wishing she could take his pain.
“You were still a child trying to save your sister. Your brother. Trying to save those girls. Ice, you think you had a choice, but you really didn’t. If you didn’t do what they said, they would have gone after Alena and Storm and they still would have taken those girls. You know they would have. You couldn’t do anything to stop them. They were sadistic pedophiles, and they murdered your family and took away your home. You had no power.” She found herself rocking back and forth with him.
Ice sat back, shaking his head. “I try not to think about it too much because I can’t change it. Every one of those girls is dead. After that group used them, they passed them on to others. The others were much more brutal. When each one died, I felt as if I had been the one to kill them. It became harder to cooperate, and when I would resist, they would beat Storm or Alena in front of me. Sometimes they’d rape them. Over and over, in front of me. They would use Alena so brutally and I couldn’t stand it . . .”
He lifted his head, looking straight into her eyes. His heart was breaking. Hers was as well. “I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t. I went back to doing what they demanded. When I got strong enough, I killed them, Soleil. One by one. It was the only way to stop them. I was just shy of seventeen when I got the last one.”
He expected her to condemn him. She saw that on his face. He didn’t feel remorse for killing them, only for his part in helping get the cooperation of the girls.
“I’m glad you did, Ice. They wouldn’t have stopped. Even if you and the others escaped, they would have found other girls to use.” She was careful of her words. “Honey, you’re shivering, and you don’t even realize it. Get your jeans on and let’s just go home.”
“You want to stay with me? After hearing the truth? Knowing at every party I’m going to want to show you off and that could happen?”
“I like when you show me off,” she admitted. “And if it happens, we’ll deal with it, just like we did this time.”
He caught her face in his hands and stared into her eyes, searching for the truth. “I don’t want to share you with another man. Not ever. I don’t want another man touching you. I realized when we went on that run that I could only do this when my brothers surrounded us, not strangers. They help me protect you, and I need to know you’re safe. I wouldn’t share you with anyone, Soleil. I don’t have that urge. I swear to God, I don’t have that urge.”