She wasn’t looking for sympathy. Now, she wanted out of the lovely bathtub. She felt too vulnerable in her bare skin. She made a move to stand up, but Ice locked his arm around her waist.
“I’m right here with you, baby. Don’t run. Don’t try to hide from me or the truth of this mess you’re in. We’ll figure it out together. Let yourself lean on me.”
She’d never had together and didn’t know what to do with it. She couldn’t lean on him when she expected him to leave. She didn’t know how to be with someone when she’d always been alone. She was terrified of falling too hard for him. Of believing. She forced herself to continue because Ice deserved to have her at least make an effort. Maybe he would understand what he was getting into.
“I had no home growing up. I lived in boarding schools and hotels. I was able to travel the world and take any kind of class I wanted, hence the cooking and art classes. There was never a home or a person to go home to. Not even on holidays. I can’t tell you how much I hate holidays.”
She drew her knees up and, locking her arms around her legs, rubbed her chin on top of her knees. “I would get crazy lonely at times and I’d do things like parachute out of planes, and each jump got riskier. Gliders, paragliding, the scarier the place, the better. I played pool and darts all over the world. Drank whiskey and bourbon and scotch all over the world in a lot of different bars. I found I couldn’t get drunk, and believe me, I tried.” She glanced over her shoulder and met his gaze. “Lots of risky behavior.”
“I can see I’m going to have to watch you if you start to get restless.”
She wanted it to be that way. Ice and Soleil. Together. She could do that. She could live on the coast in this gorgeous home with the man of her dreams and have his children. She could be a wife, give him everything he’d ever dreamt of. But reality never matched fantasy. She knew the reality, and sooner or later, rejection always came.
She went back to rubbing her chin along the tops of her knees just because she needed something to do or she would have jumped up and made a run for it, because she was too scared to reach for what he seemed to be offering her—what she wanted most in life. It was too hard to believe it was real. Still, he needed to know the truth.
“I guess I just didn’t fit in anywhere.” She tried to explain without sounding as if she were having a pity party for herself. “After my aunt Deborah died, no relative wanted me because Kevin wouldn’t loosen the purse strings and they weren’t getting the money they felt they deserved for having me in their home. Kevin never told me why he didn’t want me to come to his house, but he didn’t.” That had hurt, probably the most.
Ice swept his hand down the back of her head, a soothing, caressing gesture. She wasn’t going to tell him about all the lonely nights and days she’d spent wishing and fantasizing about a man like him. It was too pathetic.
“I met Winston at an auction house in London. He claimed to like all the things I liked. He lived in San Francisco, which is where I live, so it was perfect. We dated and then I began to notice little things. He didn’t approve of the way I dressed. He wanted me to drop any acquaintances I had and only associate with his friends. He didn’t approve of my music. He chose every restaurant. He chose everything.”
“Because he’s a fucking prick,” Ice stated matter-of-factly, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back against him. “Relax, baby. It’s just me here. I’m on your side, remember?”
Soleil felt a smile welling up and was shocked that she could even find humor in anything when everything she wanted was about to be ripped from her. Doggedly, she went on. She’d started the explanation, and she was determined to see it through.
“He wanted to marry me, and I knew it wasn’t right. We weren’t at all compatible. Kevin insisted on a prenup. Winston threw a fit. It was the first time I’d ever been afraid. He was so angry. He threatened to walk out, and at first I thought I was panic-stricken because I didn’t want to be alone. Then I realized it would be okay if he did. I wanted him to leave. When he saw I wasn’t going to relent, he was apologetic and said he’d think about it. Two days later, Kevin was killed in a car accident.”