"Besides," Judith pointed out, "Levi doesn't like anyone besides us, so that's hardly fair."
Lissa laughed and covered it with a slight cough. "She has a point, Rikki."
Rikki sighed. "Well, I don't like anyone else either, so it works."
Airiana held up her teacup, toasting Rikki. "You love us, and that's all that counts, baby." She took a sip and looked over the rim at Judith. "What's his aura like?"
"Sort of muddy, like you see in a lot of powerful businessmen. Good and bad. But sometimes I can't even see it." Judith sighed. "I've tried not to see auras. I don't trust my reading of them, and his is sort of difficult. The more I tried to focus on it, the less I could read it."
"Great." Airiana scowled. "I hate that."
"Why?" Blythe asked.
Airiana sent an apologetic look toward Judith without meeting her eyes. "Because that kind of aura almost always is a product of concealment."
Blythe frowned and leaned toward Airiana, rubbing her left palm on her thigh, a habit that usually signaled she was becoming upset or unhappy. "On purpose? Someone could conceal their aura on purpose? Wouldn't that mean he had some sort of psychic talent and that he would know to conceal his aura around us?"
"No, I didn't meant that, Blythe," Airiana corrected. "More that the person is hiding something of great importance."
"It doesn't really matter," Judith said. "I can't see him with the threat of Jean-Claude hanging over my head."
"Of course it matters," Lexi disagreed. "I don't think a perfect person comes along all that often. If the opportunity is there and you connect with him, I say, take a chance. Rikki did and look how happy she is." She frowned. "I mean . . . you are happy with Levi, aren't you? He is a little intimidating. He never smiles."
"I'm very happy with Levi," Rikki said, rocking slightly. She looked around. "But maybe we could open a window or something. Would you mind, Judith?"
"Levi's out there, probably armed to the teeth," Judith said. "Open the door, hon. I'm fine with it open."
"He'll come in," Rikki said, twisting her fingers together in her lap. "He won't be able to help himself. He'll have to walk through the house and make certain it's properly locked down." She rolled her eyes. "He checks my garden hoses to make certain they're in good working order."
All the women burst out laughing. Rikki blinked and looked around the room. "What?"
"He checks the garden hoses around your house?" Blythe prompted. "Like you do every single morning?"
"Exactly. I would notice if there was anything wrong with the hoses, wouldn't I? The man is just over the top when it comes to safety. And he wants a dog."
"Now we're getting to what really bothers you," Judith said gently. "Baby, you know it doesn't upset you in the least that Levi checks the entire farm, your boat and our shops a million times. It's his thing and he takes it seriously. He just wants to keep us all safe. It's the dog."
"He won't drop the subject," Rikki admitted, flapping her fingers back and forth, obviously becoming more agitated.
"We've talked about it before Levi ever came," Blythe pointed out. She laid a calming hand on Rikki's arm, very lightly, careful not to invade her space. "Lexi really could use a companion here on the farm. She's alone a lot and would really love to have a dog. Airiana would like one as well. Levi isn't alone in wanting one."
"But if we get one, it will come in my house and on my boat," Rikki protested.
"Not necessarily," Blythe contradicted. "A lot of people have outdoor dogs."
Airiana's breath hissed out and she opened her mouth to protest, but Blythe shot her quelling look. Everyone knew how she felt about leaving dogs outside.
Rikki shook her head. "Oh no, I couldn't do that, Blythe. If we get a dog, it would have to be with us all the time. I would worry about it being alone while we dive. And I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I made the poor thing sleep outside because I didn't want dog hair in my house."
"There are breeds that don't shed," Airiana said. "And you really like animals, Rikki."
"I know." Rikki rubbed her thumb on the inside of her palm as if it itched. "I just managed to let Levi into my house and now he wants a dog. What's after that? It's too many changes too fast."
Blythe smiled at her. "Rikki, you know you're going to get a dog. I can hear it in your voice. You want us all to agree with you and talk you out of it."
Rikki sighed. "You know I'll obsess over the darn thing. It's going to be embarrassing. Levi doesn't know what I'm like yet. Not really. Not about how crazy I can get. The dog will be mine. Under my protection and care. I take that kind of thing very seriously. I'll be reading dog books and wanting the best of everything for it. I'll probably want organic dog food if there's such a thing." She blew on her fingers in disgust. "Sheesh."
"Levi is not going to leave you because you love a dog," Blythe said. "He's going to be just as bad."
"Besides," Lexi added, "he obsesses over your protection and ours. It will give him something to distract himself."
Airiana laughed. "Are you kidding? Every dog that comes onto this property will be trained in security. That man will make certain of it."
Rikki nodded. "He's going to get big dogs. And he knows Airiana is a trainer, so expects her to work with him and with the dogs to get them to be guard dogs."
"Is that a bad thing?" Blythe prompted gently.
Rikki rocked more. "No. Yes. I don't know." She blew on her fingers again. "It's a big responsibility."
Judith leaned toward her. "Honey, is this about the fires when you were a child? You lost a dog in one of the fires, didn't you?"
Rikki had lost her parents and fiance, as well as several foster homes in fires. For a long time she'd believed she was in some way setting those fires.
Rikki slowly nodded in response. "I have a difficult time with the idea that something might happen. I know I wasn't responsible . . ."
"And the man who is responsible is behind bars," Blythe reminded, her voice very gentle. "Baby, you can't let him dictate to you any more than Judith can allow Jean-Claude to dictate to her. You have Levi in your life and things are good. Bringing a dog into your life isn't going to put him in danger. And you'll be great at taking care of a dog regardless how it's trained."
Judith sighed. She knew Blythe wasn't just talking to Rikki. She was reminding Judith that they'd all vowed to live life again, not hide from it. She hadn't shared her concerns about Thomas Vincent, that he might be far more than he seemed. Rikki hadn't really indicated that she knew more about him than Judith did, and Levi seemed to share everything with her, yet it seemed that Thomas and Levi were familiar with each other.
Thomas had called Levi, Lev, in a perfect Russian accent. The childhood memories Thomas had seemed to be violent and ugly as were Levi's. She knew Levi was Russian, and Thomas's adopted mother was Russian. Was there a connection? Was she running from the relationship because she feared what Jean-Claude might do? Or because she was afraid Thomas would rip out her heart?
It was so much easier hiding behind the gates and staying in her own little protected world than putting her heart on the line and taking the chance that Thomas would break it. No, not just break it, shatter it so completely she might not recover. Thomas wasn't like any other man she'd met. Her spirit had never reacted to a man, wrapping sensuously around him, enfolding the two of them into a single skin.
That sounded so dramatic and ridiculous. How could she possibly explain such a thing to even those she loved when she didn't understand it herself? She knew she fit perfectly with Thomas. Everything about him. Everything about her. They belonged. It didn't matter that they barely knew each other and both had secrets. She didn't care that his aura was muddy, or hinted at concealment. Maybe he had a secret or two--but so did she. That wasn't the point.
"I know Airiana and Lexi wouldn't mind dogs on the farm, but Blythe, Judith and Lissa haven't really weighed in one way or the other," Rikki said.
"I'm all for it," Blythe
said. "I wouldn't mind having a dog to go running with me and I'd probably feel a little safer."
Judith shrugged. "I'm not certain I'd have a dog--or at least a big dog. But I'm not opposed to them on the farm for anyone else."
"Lissa?" Blythe prompted when she remained silent.
Lissa's face seemed paler than normal, her firm body shrinking a little as she made herself smaller. She shrugged and remained silent, drinking the last of her tea.
"You have to weigh in on this issue, Lissa," Blythe prodded. "Everyone should have a say. Are you afraid of dogs?"
Lissa shrugged again. "It sounds to me like everyone wants dogs so, like Rikki, I'll get used to them."
"I suppose getting used to dog hair will be all right," Rikki conceded. "Levi fits into my life without asking much. A dog would be fun for us . . . maybe." She didn't sound terribly sure of herself.
And that was the real problem in life, Judith decided. There was no certainty about anything. Rikki loved Levi with everything she was, her intense loyalty, her all or nothing nature, and still, that wasn't enough. Her ordered world--the one she needed to survive--would be turned upside down in order to accommodate a need for her partner.
Judith pressed her lips together tightly and shook her head. Life had just taken an ugly turn. She looked around the room at the women who had left their beds in the middle of the night to comfort her. They'd successfully distracted her long enough to get over that first rush of shock and horror. She realized the changes in subject had been for her benefit, skillfully directed by Blythe with all of her sisters willingly following to give her time to pull herself together.
"I'm so lucky to have all of you." The intense emotion she had for them welled up and spilled out into the room.
Lissa blew her a kiss. "I think what we've got to do, my sister, is figure out why Jean-Claude has kept tabs on you for the last five years, because it doesn't make sense. If he paid this man here, to take pictures of you all this time, he went to a lot of trouble and expense. He's in France. He had to have someone find Shariton and hire him, bribe the guard, and arrange for payments. That couldn't have been easy from prison."
Judith suppressed the wince at the sound of his name. Jean-Claude belonged in her dark studio surrounded and kept prisoner by hatred and sorrow. Judith pressed her fingertips to her eyes. Maybe she was the one kept prisoner. All along, maybe she'd been the one locked up. Thomas had come along and opened her eyes, although she hadn't wanted it to happen and she felt guiltier than ever. If she let go of those feelings after carefully cultivating them for so long, how could she ever face her brother's memory again?
"Jean-Claude has more money than any of us can conceive of. Money buys a lot of loyalty and he has a large, widespread organization. He has a long reach, longer than I realized."
"But what does he want from you, Judith?" Blythe asked. "He must know you despise him. He can't think you would ever want to get back together with him, it just isn't logical. He had your brother murdered and he knows you're well aware it was him, right?"
Judith nodded, biting down on her lower lip. "I have no idea what he wants."
"Did you testify against him?" Lissa asked.
Judith shook her head. "He was never prosecuted for murder. How could I prove that he'd ordered the torture and murder of my brother? We were in Greece. He was in France. I saw a man being tortured at his house, but I didn't get a look at the man, just the blood everywhere. If the body disappeared, and there's no doubt that it did because I didn't read a thing about a body being found, what could I prove? I was in hiding when he went to trial for gun running and had nothing to do with his conviction."
"So what then, if not getting you back or revenge?" Lissa persisted. "What's left? Why did he send those men after you in the first place? Did he know you saw the man being killed in his house?"
Judith frowned. "I don't think so. I didn't make any noise and I don't see how he could have, unless he had cameras, which is entirely possible."
"But if he knew where she was, why didn't he just have her killed?" Lexi asked.
Blythe nodded. "That's a good question. If he was afraid you could pin a murder on him, he would have had you killed. You knew him better than anyone else, Judith, what do you think? Could he have some twisted idea that you'd take him back?"
Judith tried to separate the last five years of guilt and shame from the years as an art student when she'd first met Jean-Claude and was so swept away by his charm. He'd been sophisticated. Elegant even. She'd been awkward and shy with him, far too innocent to ever imagine what a monster he'd been. She'd had no idea men like Jean-Claude even existed. Wrapped in her world of art, she saw only colors and beauty in the world around her. She'd been in Paris, haunted the museums, ate at the little street cafes, and studied, all the while soaking up the atmosphere of France. She'd loved the entire experience and Jean-Claude had been such a part of that.
He was good-looking, built, so French with his compliments and accent and elegant manners. Who could possibly believe he was a criminal? He knew policemen, politicians, movie stars. Life at his side was glamorous. She had never met anyone in her life like Jean-Claude and she had looked at him with stars in her eyes. He was part of her experience in France, a courtly man with impeccable manners who handed her into cars, bowed low over her hand and took her to places she'd never dreamt of going. He made her feel like a princess.
Could he have faked those looks he gave her, long intense looks, straight into her eyes, as he proclaimed his love. He bought her an amazing ring when they'd known one another only a couple of weeks. She'd refused him, crying in her room at night, but something had told her to be just a little more cautious.
It hadn't mattered at all that she'd turned down his proposal of marriage and that made her feel all the more special--that he would give her time when he could have any woman he wanted. Had it all been real on his part? Was it even possible for a man capable of the horrific things he did to actually feel love for someone?
A thought hit her hard. She looked at Blythe with stricken eyes. "Could I have given him the ability to actually feel real love just by my presence? By the way I loved France? Loved who I believed he was?"
Lissa leaned forward, taking Judith's hands in hers. "You didn't do anything wrong, Judith. What's wrong with falling in love? If Jean-Claude had been the man he pretended to be, your life would have been so different--and quite amazing. He was the one who was deceptive by pretending to be something he wasn't. Loving someone is never wrong."
"I must have been projecting and he thought it was real on his part."
Lissa shook her head. "You're so mixed up, babe. Look at Rikki with Levi. When they're together all of us can feel how much they love each other. They radiate love, even when they're in one of their ridiculous arguments. When I love, I intend to love completely. There shouldn't be any other way. You don't know if what he felt for you was real or not. Maybe he was lucky enough that for the first time in his life he connected with someone good and it moved him. You can't be responsible for what he did or didn't feel."
Airiana nodded in agreement. "We can only control ourselves, not others, remember? We all vowed we'd live that way. We're responsible for our own happiness and we make our own choices. You can't allow Jean-Claude to control you or how you choose to live your life, nor are you responsible for whether he's capable of loving or not."
"You always do this, Judith. You're afraid of your talent," Blythe pointed out. "You find ways to blame yourself and because of that, you spend half the time refusing to acknowledge that everyone needs to be whole. No one is all good. No one is all bad. You have to allow yourself to be you."
Judith knew they were all making sense but . . . She swept her hand through her hair. "I feel whole when I'm with Thomas. Not because I need a man to see myself, it isn't that. It's because somehow he can handle intense emotion, good or bad, and the intensity doesn't seem to affect him, at least not adversely. I'm unafraid when I'm with him. Of m
yself. Of my power."
She pressed her thumb deep into the center of her left palm. "He makes me laugh. And I feel beautiful when I'm with him, even with no makeup and in my jeans and T-shirt. I can't say he's exactly handsome, but he's all man and very compelling. I think he's the hottest man I've ever met."
She made the confession fast, the words tumbling over one another. She hadn't said soul mate but she felt that way. She didn't know if she'd ever talk to him again, didn't know how to feel about what had transpired between him and Levi. But that didn't negate the truth of her words.
"Wow." Airiana said it for all of them, a little stunned.
Judith nodded. "Exactly. The first time I laid eyes on him, he took my breath away. He was standing in the shadows and I swear the earth moved when our eyes met. I knew. Right then I knew it was him and it was always supposed to be him."
She rubbed her hands together and pushed her thumb harder into her palm, the gesture somehow soothing. "I know it's not supposed to happen like that, but it did. I had no idea in my head of meeting anyone. I was late and I was hurrying and then I looked up and it was like he came inside my mind and filled up every single lonely place inside me. I shouldn't trust it, intellectually I know I shouldn't, but I can't seem to resist him."
"It can happen that way," Blythe said. "And maybe he was meant for you, just like you say, soul mates, but Judith." She leaned close, her gaze intent. "Honey, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be cautious. I know from firsthand experience, that even if every single part of you knows with absolute certainty, that he should be the one, that he is the one, it doesn't always work out as it should."
"When I'm with him I'm not afraid of myself and I feel as if he sees me. He can see inside of me and he isn't afraid of my power," Judith blurted, wanting all of them to understand, but especially Blythe. It was important Blythe understood, because, God help her, if she saw Thomas again, she was afraid she would fall right off that cliff all over again. If all of them thought she was crazy and told her so, she would still fall.
Her eyes met Blythe's in a kind of agony of need. She needed her to understand. These women in this room with her were the people she loved, her family--all she had left in the world. If she was making a terrible mistake they would love her enough to tell her, but she didn't know if she had the strength to resist him if he came to her again.