She didn't flinch. "I'll go through with it." There was steel in her tone this time.
She wasn't going to back down, not even to make him want her. She wouldn't lie to him, or drag him down with her. She'd lived in her own hell too long to allow anyone else to join her. The isolation and lie of her life was difficult enough without the weight of another terrible sin, dragging someone else down into the abyss with her.
"Until that time, Judith, don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone, at sometime in their life, thinks of revenge. I certainly have done so."
Looking into those cool, aquamarine eyes, she believed him. She found herself shivering. Thomas Vincent wasn't just the innocent businessman she thought him. Whatever he'd done during his time in the service hadn't been easy and he had a hard core of strength that went with his physical appearance.
She shook her head, confused. She wanted this man with everything in her. She had confessed to the counselor and to her sisters that she was the cause of her brother's vicious murder. She had not admitted her part in the death of the innocent policeman. She knew her sisters felt responsible for the violent deaths in their families, but the fact was, unlike the rest of them, she was responsible.
Not one other person knew until Thomas. He hadn't turned away from her and he hadn't been harmed when, once again, she'd lost control of her emotions. There was such amazing freedom in the knowledge that she could talk to him without hiding part of herself. She didn't have to lie to him. He knew the worst of her and he still stood there looking at her with that very dangerous and compelling hunger.
She was going to lose herself in this man. If she let him any closer, if she let him another inch into her life, he would become her world. There was no one else for her and she had stepped into the age-old lure of sexual attraction. She was sinking so fast now he had faced the worst in her and had stayed, she was afraid there was no way to save either of them. He might think he could really make a man suffer before he killed him, but in truth, whatever he'd done in service to his country had been a different situation altogether. She could never ask such a terrible thing of him and she doubted, if it came right down to it, that he would be able to do such a thing. It went against nature.
Stefan watched Judith carefully. He was adept at reading body language. He'd learned in a hard school and knew every nuance of the human expression. She was trying to find a way to gracefully retreat. She accepted that he thought he might understand her need for revenge, but he would never follow through. Interrogation techniques often were called torture by some. Certainly Judith would think so. That too, had been learned in a hard school. He knew all about interrogation and the consequences of not getting information required.
She wasn't expecting anything from him that he hadn't done throughout his lifetime, although, he was certain she would never actually go through with it. She might be able to kill Jean-Claude quick and clean, and only then, he was certain, if she wasn't thinking clearly. But Judith was incapable of torture. She might dream of it, even plan it, but she was totally without the killer instinct.
"You aren't going to run away from me, Judith," he said, meaning it. He'd emerged partially from the shadows and something incredible was in his sites. "I know you're scared, angel, but we can do this. Give it a little time. Show me around your house. Eat the lunch I fixed for us. We'll pick this up at another time."
His thumb brushed over her pulse, felt it jump and then began to beat more steadily. She blinked up at him before some of the tension drained out of her. Her tongue touched her lower lip, drawing his complete attention.
"You called me 'my fallen angel' in three different languages."
He flashed a small grin. "That's called showing off."
Which was true, but even more, he wanted to call her an endearment in his own language and it was better to throw her off by using several languages instead of just Russian. He found he detested lying to her. Even misleading seemed wrong. She'd put everything on the line for him, yet he couldn't reciprocate. If he admitted that he was Lev's brother, it would put her in a terrible position. One thing he knew for certain about Judith, she was extremely loyal and she would deny knowing Lev and protect him with every breath in her body, something his brother would count on.
Judith would be forced to lie to him and worse, she would suspect him of being a Russian agent sent to kill Lev. No doubt his brother had impressed on all of the women the need for secrecy. Damn the man. Lev's deception to cover himself left Stefan with no recourse other than to mislead Judith as well.
"You showed off beautifully," Judith said. "Italian, Russian and Spanish."
He nodded. "And I can speak French if you'd rather I use that instead."
"Why your 'fallen angel'?"
Stefan framed her face in his hands, leaned in and kissed her upturned mouth. His tongue ran along the seam of her lips, commanding she open to him. When she didn't respond immediately, his teeth caught her lower lip and tugged gently until she gave a small breathless gasp. He took possession, his mouth moving over hers, kissing her over and over, each kiss deeper and more demanding.
You are my fallen angel. Deliberately, he thrust the words into her mind, a connection that was as intimate as exchanging breath--as kissing her.
Her arms crept around his neck and she pressed her body against his, willing to give herself to him. He was as hard as a rock, aching, his body making urgent demands, but he wanted so much more from her and a part of him knew he needed to go slow. If this was to last a lifetime, she had to know he wasn't using her, nor was he taking a small part of her.
"I want it all, Judith," he said, drawing back, "not one night. Not just your body."
"I don't know if I'm even capable of giving more."
Because her voice was so unsteady, he took her hand and drew her toward the interior of the house, moving farther away from the windows. "We don't have to worry about what you can or can't do right now, Judith. Show me around your house."
"Are you certain you don't have to go to the hospital?"
There was a teasing, almost hopeful note in her voice.
"You just want to see if I faint or not if they give me a shot."
Her eyebrow shot up. "I can't imagine that."
He flashed a grin at her. "I can't either." And that was the stark truth. He'd stayed silent under all forms of torture and brought his body again and again to the brink of human endurance, never once faltering in his course to carry on. A needle was not felt. More than once he'd sewn up his own wounds.
"This is the main part of the house. I have a large master bedroom and bath. I'm a tub person, so I'm ashamed to say, it's enormous, deep and wonderful."
The room had a rounded bank of windows overlooking the gardens below. As in the rest of the house, the walls were creamy white, a backdrop for the bright splashes of colored quilts carefully folded in a corner of the room.
He nodded at the six thick quilts. A seventh was on her bed.
A blush stole into her cheeks. "They're beautiful and depending on my mood, I make up the bed accordingly."
"You have moods?"
"Absolutely." She was unrepentant. "Very moody."
He crossed the room, unable to prevent the image of her writhing naked under him, pressed deep into the thick, soft carpet, all bare golden skin and silky black hair against that backdrop of cream. Well, okay then. He pressed his thumb into the center of his palm, small brushing caresses right where it itched the most. If he was going to suffer, she might as well accompany him.
Judith gasped, her hand going to her throat, her gaze jumping to his.
"I have moods too," he explained, allowing his gaze to drift over her body.
She pushed open the bathroom door to show off the spacious bathroom. He stepped in close to her, so close that she couldn't fail to feel the heat radiating from his body. He liked the look of the tub. If she was in it and he stood right beside it, all she would have to do was turn her head just a little and she'd be at the per
fect height . . .
He groaned, his cock jumping, reacting to the thought of her hot mouth engulfing him, tongue stroking, mouth tight like a silken fist.
"You can't be in here either," she said and tugged at his arm to get him out of the doorway. Her breath was coming faster now, breasts rising and falling, the color sweeping up her neck into her face. "Do you think of anything other than sex?"
"Not around you. But I'm determined to behave."
"You're not behaving at all, you know." She closed the door firmly on her bedroom. "Is it safe to show you the guest bathroom?"
"Do you have a tub in there?"
"Yes, but not like one in the master bath." She paused, one hand on the door, looking up at him a little mischievously. "The shower is killer though." She opened the door slowly.
Oh yeah. His mind could see them in that large shower together, the two of them fogging up all that glass, hands soaping up her body, delving into all her secrets.
"This time it's you." His voice was a little hoarse.
"You aren't the only one with fantasies."
Not only did she look mischievous, and smug, but she looked absolutely adorable with her feathery eyelashes, tempting dimple and laughing eyes--and he didn't find women "adorable." He had never engaged in teasing before. He'd lived a lifetime in the shadows, years of seduction and intrigue, killing and disappearing, and only now did he feel he'd come alive and was experiencing so many firsts. He'd kissed many women, but kissing Judith felt like the first time. His body became aroused on demand, but with Judith, his body responded with a will of its own--another first for him. And now teasing. She made him laugh.
"You're deliberately tempting me," he accused, realizing it was true.
She flashed a smile at him. "Maybe a little," she conceded.
"You're going to give me trouble, aren't you?"
"Absolutely." She pushed open the guest room door revealing another spacious bedroom. "This bed is really comfortable."
He noted that large banks of windows seemed to be part of every room. She'd built the upper story with views in mind, not security. He could see great distances from every part of the house, but with open windows, even though the glass was tinted, a sniper could easily get a good shot. Inwardly he sighed. If he was to stay here on the farm, in this house--and what the hell was he thinking--he'd have to come up with a solution to the problem of those windows. How expensive was it to get bullet-proof glass in so many windows? He had money. Anyone in his position knew how to acquire and hide large amounts of money.
"Why aren't there dogs?"
She frowned at him as she closed the bedroom door. "Dogs? I don't understand."
"On a property of this size with so many of you being survivors of violence, I would expect a few dogs to help guard the property."
"Oh, that. Yes, it makes sense. Lexi and Airiana really push for dogs and so does Rikki's husband."
Of course Lev would want dogs. "You don't want them?"
"Not until Rikki is comfortable with the idea. She has a difficult time with change. We've been talking about it for some time, sort of stepping around the idea, but now that she's married and her husband has weighed in on the issue, I think we're definitely going to have a few dogs. Airiana is very excited and I think Lexi will be relieved when we get them. She's alone a lot working and a dog would make a good companion."
"Is your security system new?" He indicated the panel of numbers just inside her hallway. "You aren't using it."
She made a face. "Levi wanted one installed in all our homes so we did it, but it's a nuisance." She led the way down the wide, sweeping staircase to the story below.
"Nuisance?" he prompted. "Judith, security isn't a nuisance. It's put in place to protect you. Each of your houses is a good distance from the others. Essentially, you're a woman alone living out here."
She rolled her eyes. "Now you sound like Levi. I like to go out onto my balcony in the middle of the night. Sometimes I sit in the garden or if I'm up late painting, sometimes all night, I leave the French doors open. My sisters come in all the time. I like an open-door policy. We're always in and out of each other's homes. If we had the security system on it would be going off continually."
"You have some serious issues, Judith. You need a little self-preservation drilled into you. All of you do."
"I'm never introducing you to Levi. He's got us all learning self-defense, weapons and even shooting guns. If the two of you ever got together we'd be an armed camp instead of a farm." She pushed open the door to an enormous room and stood back, a smile of pride on her face as she indicated for him to go in.
Judith's studio was huge and filled with light. The outside wall had been made of thick glass, the French doors wide and inviting one to the outside garden, which grew wild with brilliant, vivid colors. Tubes poured light down from the ceiling, illuminating the rows of beads, gemstones, glass, wire and charms. Genuine joy filled this room, and happiness was reflected in the chaotic colorful creativity spilling out of bins in every corner of the room.
The walls were white, the light fixtures, wide windows and large French doors drawing light into the room. Judith had hung pictures of her favorite mandalas--images repeated in patterns in the kaleidoscopes by the mirrors and objects in the cells. He studied those for a few moments, knowing this room and these images held one of the keys to Judith's character. She created beauty here, peace. This was where the artist poured her soul into her creations.
He looked around the room, noting every detail. This was where Judith really lived, not upstairs in her comfortable, beautiful home. Here, in this happy chaos her soul was at peace. He could almost hear her laughter, carefree and confident. This place represented Judith more than any other he'd seen in the house.
"That wall is set up for cutting the mirrors," Judith explained and pointed to the far wall where a large square table held some sort of rig he had never seen before. "I need perfect cuts and straight lines every time. This allows the placement of the mirror edge against the iron bar with this movable bar guiding the cutting blade."
"It looks a little dangerous."
She flashed a quick grin. "You should have seen me when I first got the thing."
The idea of anything hurting her, even while she was in the learning phase, bothered him on a level he didn't understand. Stefan hadn't realized he had any protective instincts left in him, and yet she seemed to be bringing all of them out.
He glanced at the second work table on the same wall. Blades, glue guns, cutters and specialty tapes lay in happy chaos. "At least you're well armed in here since you never set your alarm. I'd hate to be an intruder catching you in this room."
Judith laughed again and pointed to another wall. "That's my lampworking station where I twist and sculpt colored rods before they go into a cell."
Protective goggles lay beside the oxygen/propane torch and the tanks feeding it. Tall, clear vases held the bright, vivid colored glass rods she referred to.
"I use the small kiln to put cut pieces of glass I shape that I want in the mirror systems."
Another table contained boxes with packing material tucked under it for shipping. He could see that in the midst of what looked like chaos, she was really very organized. On one wall a row of long, narrow tables housed clear acrylic boxes containing an abundance of objects. Beneath the narrow tables were plastic drawers filled with cells, various parts, discs, lenses and eyepieces, all sorts of intriguing things she had collected as well as tubes and bases for various types of scopes.
Stefan was drawn to the splashes of bright color spilling out of the boxes on top of the table and sauntered over to look into the treasure trove of items. He turned to her with a raised eyebrow.
"Those are all the various bits and pieces I use in making kaleidoscopes," she explained.
She was happy in this room. He could feel a wealth of joy permeating the very walls, and the room itself as well as in the objects in the boxes. Although there were tens of thou
sands of items, each box contained only one color creating a rainbow effect, much like her gardens.
"Where do you find these things?"
"Everywhere. Aren't they glorious? All that color and texture and shapes? I look at something and immediately see the opportunities. Scopes can calm people, entertain them, make them laugh or cry. I make themed scopes and personal scopes." For the first time, Judith sounded just a little shy. "I'm making that one there as a special gift for Hannah Drake, well Harrington. She's due to have their first baby any time and I've promised Jonas I'll finish it soon."
She motioned with her hand and he followed her into the very center of the room where a chair on rollers reigned supreme in the middle of U-shaped tables forming her workspace. In truth, he would have followed her anywhere, but he found her both exciting and sexy here in this room.
9
STEFAN caught Judith's long hair in his fist, wrapping it around his thick wrist in one quick looping motion, stopping her abruptly. He was surrounded by her, by the essence of who she was, and there wasn't a single part of him that didn't respond to that feminine allure. Surrounded by the vivid, brilliant colors that seemed to physically express the light and joy in her only amplified the growing need in him. This woman was home.
She turned to him, stepped into the shelter of his body and lifted her mouth to his without hesitation. There was nothing at all gentle in his kiss. He devoured her, feeling their combined hunger rising like a tidal wave. His hands found bare skin beneath her thin tee, soft and warm and so inviting. She fit like a glove, but more importantly, there were no shadows around Judith for him to retreat into. She was like a glaring sun, a spotlight, bright and hot and so damned alluring there was no resisting her.
Her slender arms circled his neck, her soft breasts pressed tightly to his chest until he felt every breath she took, every beat of her heart. He kissed her until neither could breathe, until it wasn't enough and never would be. Her skin beckoned, smooth and heated and so soft he nearly groaned aloud at the simple pleasure of touching her.
Judith was everything he wanted, more, everything he needed to come back to life. It was impossible, totally impossible to resist her, here in this room where she lived and breathed and surrounded herself with such beauty. He knew the bright, vivid colors reflected who she really was and he needed bright. He needed beautiful. His dull world, filled with violence and death, craved what only Judith could bring to him. He craved her beyond anything he could have imagined, a drug in his system, an urgent need he could no longer ignore, even though he knew it would make his pursuit of her more difficult.