"I need a few more supplies from town." Changing the subject was the only safe thing to do. "For cooking. A few more spices, just some things."
"You like to cook, don't you?"
She shrugged. "I told you I did."
"Make a list, I'll get you whatever you need. I like the fact that I get to reap the benefits, especially if you're in the kitchen in one of my shirts."
She glanced sideways at him and realized he was teasing her. She took a breath. Oh, God. She shouldn't for one minute trust this man enough to feel like her insides were melting, but she did, she was nothing but goo inside and that didn't bode well for keeping him at arm's length.
"My shirt and no panties," he added.
Her tongue darted out to moisten her lower lip. Of course he had to remind her she'd been a crazy perv, on the floor, for God's sake. On the floor.
"Baby." His voice gentled and his fingers curled around the nape of her neck. "Stop being embarrassed. What we did was beautiful. I know you're scared right now, but I'll take care of you, get you through this."
"What happens when Rafe shows up?" She asked because . . . well . . . Rafe would find her. He always found her once he had a starting point.
"Catarina, don't ask me questions if you don't want answers," Eli said, and his voice went hard. Scary hard.
She turned her head to look at him again. She'd always thought of him as sweet. Dangerous maybe, but still sweet. There was nothing sweet about Eli in that moment. Danger radiated off of him. He gave off a vibe every bit as scary as Rafe did. She caught her lower lip between her teeth. Maybe it was the leopard in them, but suddenly, she felt a little bit like prey, caught between two powerful predators. Eli hid it better than Rafe, but he was just as lethal.
"Don't." He said it softly.
"Don't what?"
"Be afraid of me. I'm a shifter and my leopard is difficult to handle at times, but I handle it. I don't kill people unless I have no choice. I'm not Cordeau. I wouldn't slash my woman's back to punish her or bite her so fucking deep she has scars. Don't look at me like that, like you're afraid of me."
"I am afraid sometimes," Catarina said honestly. "Right now is the first time I really saw it in you. The stamp of danger that means you've battled and won a million times and you don't back down--ever."
"Why would that scare you? You're under my protection."
Her body jerked. She knew he saw it because his eyes narrowed and moved over her face. "I was under his protection. He told me that a million times."
"Cat. Come here."
Her gaze flew to his. "I'm right here."
"Come here." He said it softly. The command he could put into his voice was there and her heart beat faster.
Catarina slipped out of her chair before she could stop herself and went to stand in front of him. He caught her wrist and tugged her down onto his lap. His arm slid around her waist and pulled her tight against his body.
"Relax, baby. Just let me hold you for a minute."
Another minute went by. She tried to hold out. It was insane to sit on his lap and allow this kind of intimacy. This wasn't about sex at all. This was about comfort. Caring. She couldn't do that with him.
"Settle, Kitten," Eli insisted, his fingers easing the tension out of her neck.
When he did that, massaged her neck and shoulders, she turned to putty in his hands. She found herself melting into him in spite of her resolve to hold something of herself back.
"That's my girl," he whispered, and skimmed his mouth along her neck and then behind her ear. "Cordeau must have studied your family and realized that there was a good chance you were a shifter. Females are difficult to find. I should know, I traveled the world, all the rain forests, everywhere I knew that there were pockets of us left."
He stroked her hair, and she fit her head more comfortably into his shoulder. He was a big man with the roped muscles of his kind, and he made her feel very safe. She knew she shouldn't allow it, but she'd never had that luxury of safe before.
"He didn't make any effort to spend time with you, or build a relationship. He went about his business, and when you needed a little love and guidance, he hurt you. He's a rogue. You don't understand that term and maybe you never should. Rogues aren't allowed to live. Other shifters hunt them. We have our own police force for that."
"Are you part of that?" she asked.
He didn't answer her question. "I know I scare you, Kitten, but I'm not like Cordeau. Never like him. Do you understand?"
She wasn't certain she did. "What do you mean when you say your leopard is hard to handle sometimes?"
He sighed. "His moods are fierce and passionate. Obviously they affect me. He's bad-tempered and he doesn't like bullshit. I have to keep a strong hold on him all the time."
She wiggled to get free and was surprised when he let her go. Surprised and maybe a little disappointed. She slipped back in her chair and picked up her coffee cup again. The coffee was cold, but it gave her something to do.
"I want to see him. Your leopard. And I want to watch him run." The moment she blurted it out, her heart began to pound. She hadn't meant to say that, it just slipped out. She'd been thinking about it, but she wasn't certain she was ready for it.
The smile faded from his face. He took the coffee cup from her hand and set it on the table and reached both hands to frame her face. "Catarina, you're terrified of my leopard. Why would you ask to see him?"
There was no way to avoid his eyes. All amber. When he looked at her, she always felt like she was the only woman in his world and he didn't see anything or anybody but her. That wasn't the truth because he was always aware of everything around him, but still, he made her feel that way.
"I am afraid, Eli, I'm not going to lie. But I've only seen one in a rage and he hurt me. It hurt for weeks. I have nightmares about his leopard. I really thought I was going to die. And then on top of that, I believe absolutely that he allows the leopard to hunt and kill humans. People disappear and he's suspected of getting rid of them, but no one can prove it. I'm terrified and I've got one in me. I don't want to be a monster. I don't want to live as a monster or knowing I'm living with one."
He bent forward until his lips brushed hers. "I understand. I know a lot of shifters, Cat. I'll introduce you to a few someday. They're good people. They risk their lives to help people in trouble. Their leopards don't hunt and kill anything human, nor does mine. I would never allow my leopard to hunt and kill for sport."
Her heart was doing a strange fluttery thing again, just because he was so gentle with her. His kiss was featherlight, barely there, but she felt it all the way to her toes.
"You'll show me then?"
"Why do you want to see him run free?"
She took in a deep breath, let it out. He was still holding her eyes and she couldn't look away, so he would see how important it was to her. "I've never been truly free. If my leopard can do that, it might just be the greatest thing in the world."
Eli's heart turned over. She was right, whether she knew it or not. She wouldn't be free of him--not ever. He wouldn't let her go. If she tried to leave him or run, he would find a way to make her stay and work overtime to try to find a balance with her. She didn't understand yet about the way leopards mated for life. She was holding herself back from him. He knew she didn't trust him, but he'd work on that. Still, she wasn't going to leave him.
He knew what kind of man he was. He didn't try to hide it from her now. He was the head of his home. The man. That wasn't politically correct, but he couldn't be anything other than who he was. He was alpha all the way. He liked to be the dominant in all things, including in bed. He enjoyed taking care of Catarina. He liked doing little things for her and wanted her to feel special. He wanted her to make his house a home, her home. Later, down the road, when they were married with several children and he knew she wasn't going to have one foot out the door, he'd carve a sign and hang it on the gate. Cat's Lair. He'd already made up his mind to that.
"You can run free in your leopard form," he said. "And you'll be there with her. You'll experience it with her. And you'll love it, Catarina; I do."
He let his hands fall away because he wanted her all over again and she needed to heal. Fast. His leopard was pushing close to the surface all the time now, aware of her leopard so close to emerging.
"Will you then? Let me see him?"
"If I'm in leopard form, I won't be able to stand in front of you and shield you if you get too scared, but if you call my name, I'll shift back immediately."
Her eyes lit up, although her hands trembled, her fingers twisting together nervously. "Then you'll really do it, Eli? Let me see him?"
He nodded. "Baby, listen to me. My leopard is big. He's an alpha. But he would never, under any circumstances hurt you. You hold his mate inside of you. You are part of his mate. He knows that and he knows you're mine. I'm not saying this very well, talking, explaining things, is not my forte--but you belong to us. To both of us, and he would die to protect you."