He remained silent for a few moments before he looked away, thinking about what he was going to say. He met my gaze. “I’m not going to talk you out of anything, and I’ll make sure everything gets pushed along quickly. I won’t even begin to try and understand what your life has been like, son. I have two kids, and the thought of losing one of them, well, I honestly don’t even want to think about it.”
Clearing my throat, I fought to keep my emotions in check.
“This is what you truly want?”
I stood and sighed. “Trust me, sir, I’ve thought long and hard about it. This is not a decision I take lightly. I love my job, love serving my country. It’s been an honor. I’m confident I’m making the best decision for myself and for Linnzi. I’m not going to change my mind, sir.”
Lieutenant Colonel Williams stood, extending his hand. “I hate to lose you, Nolan. You’re one of the best pilots I’ve ever seen.” He gave me a wink and added, “And that includes your daddy. He’d have been proud of you.”
With a firm handshake, I replied, “Thank you, sir. That means a lot to me.”
“I do hope that you’ll think about doing some consulting work. I’m not blowing smoke up your ass when I say you’re one of the best.”
“It would be a pleasure and an honor, sir.”
He slapped me on the side of my arm. “Good. Go back to Texas, son. I’ll take care of everything here.”
“Thank you, sir.”
The next morning, I packed up my locker, knowing I most likely would never climb into another military plane again. It was harder than I thought, but I knew deep inside that what I was doing was the right thing. Not only for me, but for Linnzi, Amy, and Steve.
I’d be back in Texas in a few days, and if Linnzi hadn’t made an appearance by then, I was going to call in the fucking state troopers to help me find her.
My phone rang, and I pulled it out to see it was Amy. My hands shook as I swiped across the phone screen.
“Have you heard from her?” I asked.
“A text. This morning.”
I sank down on the bench that was behind me, letting out a loud sigh of relief and frustration. “I didn’t get one.”
“I know.” Her voice was laced with sadness. “She said she was fine, needed a few more days.”
Drawing in another deep breath, I exhaled. “Why didn’t she text me? Did she say?”
Amy let out a little sigh of her own. “No, but I did tell her you had returned to Edwards. I didn’t tell her you were resigning, Nolan. I didn’t want to assume you were acting on emotions and, well, I didn’t feel it was my place.”
“It’s, ah, it’s done. I’ll be heading back home in a few days as long as there are no issues with my commission resignation. How are Duke and Belle?”
I had left Duke and Belle in Amy and Steve’s care since I knew I wouldn’t be in California long. I planned on selling everything I had in the house and walking away with my clothes and the few other items that had any meaning to me.
“They’re running around playin’. It’s a good thing Duke is young at heart, or I think Belle would need someone else to tire her out.”
A small laugh escaped…it actually felt good to laugh. “Yeah, she likes to play. I’ll let you know what day I’m coming back, for sure. I’ll send Linnzi a text as well.”
“Good. Good. Don’t stop reaching out, Nolan. I know she’s not replying, but don’t stop. She sees and hears every message you leave her.”
“I won’t,” I said, barely above a whisper. “I’ll never stop.”LinnziTHE SWAY OF the porch swing moving back and forth felt so calming. Since my arrival at the house on Canyon Lake, I had sat for hours in this swing. I was wrapped up in a blanket. It was just cold enough that I wasn’t freezing, but I could still feel the bite of the wind. Somehow that made me realize I was still alive.
“What are you doing, Linnzi?” I whispered as I looked out over the water. After I left my parents’ house, I had called Saryn’s brother Ryan who had picked me up and drove me to a lake house owned by a friend of his. I had remembered Saryn mentioning it one time, and it had popped into my mind the day I ran down my folks’ street in need of an escape. Ryan had begged me to tell Nolan know where I was, but I had told him—like I had told Saryn after I called her—that I needed time alone. Everything had hit me all at once, and I needed to come to terms with a number of things—and I needed to be alone to do that. He agreed and promised he wouldn’t tell anyone where I was as long as I checked in with my parents and Nolan, which I had done.