Dr. Brooks sighed. “It’s not that she isn’t remembering you, Nolan. She’s blocking out a certain amount of time in her life.”
“Yeah, the time we were together. She remembers moving here, but she doesn’t remember me.”
Dr. Moore cleared his throat and all eyes swung his way. “Linnzi has suffered not only a head injury, but she’s had a very traumatic experience. When she woke up she saw the firefighter trying to revive her daughter. You said she knew you when she was holding Amanda.”
I nodded, even though I knew he wasn’t asking.
“When Linnzi realized that your child was gone, her mind shut down anything that would allow her to remember Amanda. When you walked into that room, Nolan, her body had already gone into survival mode and shut it all out. In a way, it’s protecting her from the memory of the loss of her daughter.”
I ran my hands down my face. “So if I tell her who I am, will she remember?”
Both doctors looked at one another then at me, Amy, and Steve.
Dr. Brooks spoke first. “She might or she might not. Nolan, she may never remember. Or she could recognize you tomorrow, or you could say something that sparks a memory and she could regain some or all of the memory.”
“And how will that be for her mentally? To suddenly have it all come rushing back?” Amy asked.
Dr. Moore answered. “Everyone responds differently. She may go into shock, may experience the trauma all over again. Her mind could possibly attempt to block it once again. Or, as Dr. Brooks stated, she may not ever get her memory back. We just don’t know enough about short-term memory loss to say what could happen.”
I stood and started to pace. “So, I’m the trigger.”
“Not necessarily,” Dr. Brooks said. “The sound of a baby crying could trigger the memory. The sound of your laughter, simply seeing you. Seeing a picture of Amanda. Anything could trigger it.”
“Could it come back on its own?” Steve asked.
Both doctors nodded, but only Dr. Moore answered. “Yes, it could. She could wake up one day and remember.”
“I don’t want to be the cause of her being hurt again,” I said.
Amy stood. “What are you saying, Nolan?”
I swallowed hard. “Maybe I need to take myself out of the picture for a while. Leave her alone so she finds her own way back. At her own pace.”
Amy’s eyes went wide. “What?”
“I don’t know. Maybe we need to pretend I wasn’t in her life. Let her memory come back to her when it wants.”
“What about Amanda?” Steve said. “Do we forget about her?”
Tears stung the back of my eyes, and I blinked rapidly. “No,” I whispered. “No, we never forget about her.”
Amy placed her hand on my arm and gave it a squeeze as I wiped my tears away. “But I can’t tell her. I can’t. You didn’t see the way she looked at me when she held Amanda in her arms and she was…”
My voice broke off, and I looked down at the floor.
“You have to ask yourself, are you prepared to hide some truths from her? She’s going to ask questions,” Dr. Brooks said.
I frowned and turned back to Dr. Brooks. “Why hasn’t she asked any questions? She hasn’t even asked what happened.”
Amy nodded. “She hasn’t. Not a single question. We’ve brought up the accident, and she simply says she doesn’t wish to talk about it.”
Dr. Moore replied, “Subconsciously, Linnzi knows what happened. Her mind, her body, whatever we want to call it, is blocking all accounts of the accident. Somewhere deep inside she knows, and she is afraid to remember.”
I turned to Amy and Steve. “You know how much I love your daughter. She’s the other part of me. If I have to walk away and pretend she never existed in my world—at least until she remembers—then that’s what we’ll do.”
“And Amanda?” Amy asked as tears rolled down her cheeks.
All I could do was shake my head.
Dr. Brooks cleared his throat. “I have to warn you, if you withhold this from her and she remembers on her own, or even looks up the accident and reads about it, she may never forgive you for not telling her the truth.”
I looked over at Dr. Brooks and stated, “That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“She may never remember you, Nolan.” This came from Dr. Moore.
I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “She will. I know she will.”
My mind came back to the future as quickly as it had gone to the past, and I sat down opposite the two doctors. I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out.
Dr. Brooks still looked the same. Her dark blonde hair was pulled back in a low ponytail and she wore a genuine smile. Dr. Moore’s dark brown hair had streaks of gray running through it and he wore the same sympathetic expression on his face.