I want more conversations. More touching, more holding each other close and snuggling. I want to breathe in his scent.
Okay, so maybe I like the sex as much as the conversations. That's not a crime. If anything, it's a bonus. But I've been trapped in this whole slavery-infested universe for so long that I've forgotten how to have a normal relationship with a guy. Maybe it says something about me that I miss Zakoar desperately when he's gone. I'm sure it says something about me that I think about him fondly, or that I can't wait for him to get home so we can giggle about how I accidentally fried one of the food dispensers in the kitchen by putting it on the wrong settings. He thinks it's funny that I can't read a lick of the written common language used in the station. I've pointed out to him that reading is not high on a list of admirable qualities wanted in a slave, and…well, that conversation ended up with us in bed together again.
Really, everything ends up with us in bed together. Maybe I should be angrier that I've been bought to entertain him in his bed, but…I like him. I like that even though he's been broken outside (and I suspect within), there's still a kind heart. That he treats me like a capable, thinking person. That I'm not just a fuck-toy he wants to sleep at the end of the bed and only speak when commanded.
I know it could be so much worse. SO much worse. That's probably part of why I'm so obsessed with Zakoar. I'm just so grateful that he's not terrible that I'm leaning all the way over into infatuation with him.
With a sigh, I roll onto my back on the couch and stare up at the ceiling, where the windows show a view of deep space and distant nebulas. As I gaze up at it, I see a ship fly into sight, heading toward one of the many docks here on the station. I wonder when I'm leaving to go to Risda? I'm not looking forward to that, strangely enough. I thought I would, but it's starting over again, and I'm a little leery of having the rug pulled out from under my feet once more.
Every slave knows that when you find a decent situation, you cling to it for all that you're worth. And I'm content with Zakoar. Happy, even. Of course, it's not my choice to make. But I wonder if I can convince him that we might be better off together for a while? I flip onto my side and trace a finger on the sofa as the vid-channel blares with some show I'm not watching. I think about Zakoar, and how he's got a brave face and surly disposition, but there are things that clearly…bother him. Like how he wants to fuck me from behind at all times. I suspect it's because he doesn't want me looking at him. He pushes my head aside each time I blow him, and I think about the time I kissed his mouth. He looked so stunned, like it had never occurred to him that he was worthy of kissing.
It just makes me want to kiss him more.
Maybe tonight, I decide, liking the idea. Tonight, I'll kiss him again, and ask him if we can make love while looking at each other.
I'm just about at my wits' end when the door chimes, indicating that someone's entering. Excited, I bound up from the couch and greet Zakoar with a smile. "You're back! Finally!"
He blinks in surprise at me. "You're naked."
I put my hands on my hips, mock-preening. "At what point during our fuckathon did I go shopping for clothes?"
Zakoar's hard mouth twitches, as if he's going to smile but stops himself. "Excellent point."
"I missed you," I tell him, and fling myself into his arms. It's ridiculous, but it's the truth. I did miss him, however silly that sounds. I throw my arms around his neck when he catches me, and pepper his face with kisses.
He doesn't respond, other than to hold me against him.
I pull back, curious at his mood. "You okay?"
Studying me, he finally speaks. "The door was unlocked. All day."
"Okay. Is that…safe? Should I have locked it?" I'm puzzled as to why he brings it up.
"You could have left. Ran away. Taken some of my clothing and credits and just left. I wouldn't have chased after you."
Frowning, I tilt my head, studying him. "So you're…testing me? Why would I leave? You said you were taking me to Risda when we're done, right?"
He grunts.
"So why would I leave?" I lean in and nip at his lower lip, because the side closest to me is wonderfully full and just begs to be nibbled on. "Unless you wanted me to go?"