If he crossed the room and took her to the floor, he had the feeling she'd be more than willing, even though she was exhausted. She sipped at her tea and flipped through a magazine, but her eyes, when she lifted them to his face, had more violet than blue in them, and he suspected her mind wasn't on him--or the floor. Her brain was fitting pieces of the puzzle together. Or maybe it was on him and he was coming up short.
"You okay, baby? I ended up being a little rougher than I intended." He rubbed his shadowed jaw and knew her thighs were chafed. He needed her back with him; he was not yet willing to have her go down that dangerous path again. Nor did he want her thinking she might do better than be with a man who had done nothing but bring chaos back into her life.
"I'm better than fine." She smiled up at him, but there was something sad in her eyes and her smile was wistful.
His heart did a funny twist in his chest, and deep inside, everything stilled. Even the way she sipped at her tea was sexy to him, and yet she seemed so far away, as if she was distancing herself. The one thing he couldn't have with her, the one thing he would never be able to live with--was distance.
He leaned one hip against the wall, his eyes never leaving her face. "I can't remember ever having a home. I never expected to have my own woman or live in a house with her." He crossed his arms over his chest and regarded her without blinking, using his cool, catlike stare. "When this is over, are you going to marry me?"
He had her full attention now. She blinked rapidly and her lips parted slightly. He had the urge to kiss her, but he stayed where he was, never taking his eyes from her face.
"You already asked me that question and I said yes."
"No, I told you we were going to get married. I bullied you until you said what I wanted to hear. I want to know if you're really going to marry me."
Her tongue touched her full lower lip, the pouty one he often found himself staring at. She remained silent, a little shell-shocked, and although he knew he shouldn't, he touched her mind, needing to know what she was thinking.
She had been in a hospital for several months after a breakdown. It could happen again. What kind of genetics would she pass to her children--their children? Would he even want children with her? And her father, what about him? She had to wear gloves almost all the time, would that become an embarrassment? What about her work? She loved being far away from people, where she could just exist in peace. What about his work? He was a born warrior and would never be happy doing anything else. How much time would they have together?
More than anything she wanted to be with him, but was it right for him? Could she do that to him? Be selfish and take what he was offering her even though she had no idea what could happen . . .
"Stop."
Her gaze jerked up to his. She looked frightened.
"Can you love me the way I am, Tansy? Can you live with a man like me? That's what you should be asking yourself, not all that other nonsense."
"How would we live?" She sounded sad, almost forlorn. Her fingers wrapped around the tea mug until her knuckles turned white. "Like this? On the run? As long as you're with me, you'll never have a real home, Kadan. Whitney isn't going to stop and we both know it."
"You didn't answer my question. Can you love me the way I am?"
"You know I already do, but that isn't the point, Kadan. You push so hard sometimes, and whether you think so or not, my concerns are legitimate. You'll wake up one day and wonder why you ever wanted to be with me."
"So it's settled then. You'll marry me. Say it."
"I already said it."
"Well say it again. I want to hear commitment in your voice this time. For me, divorce is not an option. I want that same commitment from you. No matter what happens, no matter what we face, we do it together. We fit. You fit me and I don't want to be without you. I don't like you sitting over there, mulling over whether or not you're going to stay with me once we're done here. I want to absolutely know you're mine--that there's never a question, never a doubt that we belong. So tell me. Say it out loud."
Tansy kept her gaze on his face. He sounded so tough. So hard. His face could have been carved of stone, his body sculptured from steel, so very still. When he ceased all movement, he became part of his background, every part of him completely motionless--waiting. For her. He looked as if whatever she said didn't matter, as if she couldn't shatter him into a million pieces, but his mind was in hers and she knew better. She knew air might be flowing through his physical chest, but deeper inside, where ordinarily he was safe from anyone seeing him, he was holding his breath--waiting. For her.
"I love you, Kadan. I want to be with you always. And I don't bully so easily. I'm not afraid of you, and no one pushes me anywhere I don't want to go. I'm committing myself to you--to us. So yes, I'll marry you when this is done. I have no idea what kind of future we'll have, but even if I only get a small part of you, I'll have the best part."
Kadan couldn't move even if he'd wanted to. For a moment he had the strange sensation of falling on silken sheets and into her warm, soft body, of sharing her skin and sliding into the sheer intimacy of her mind. Everything in him settled.
"Okay." It was the briefest of words.
He had no idea what else to say. He could show her, but he couldn't say it. She didn't seem to mind. She flashed a sassy grin at him, just as if she caught glimpses of how much she meant to him; he hoped so--she deserved to know.
"At the end of the day, when we sit in our rocking chairs, Tansy, and watch our grandchildren play, I can promise you, being with me will have been worth it." Because he was going to devote himself to making and keeping her happy, and in a lot of ways he was very single-minded.
"Are we going to have grandchildren?"
"I want everything. I never thought I would have a home or a family, and with you I have both, but you made me want it all. Lots of grandchildren."
She took another drink of tea and regarded him steadily over the cup. "And when you're off doing your thing with the boys, am I going to be at home alone with the children?"
He wasn't going to lie. "This is who I am. I can provide a safe home with others like us, with GhostWalkers. We all help one another. You won't be alone, but I'll be leaving for short periods of time frequently and we have to live in a safe environment. We have no choice."
"I don't worry about being alone. I'm good at it. When you're gone, I can do my photography work up in the mountains." She flashed him a small, seductive smile. "You can come looking for me."
"You can stay where I put you," he corrected. "During the times I'm gone, you won't be able to go to your parents, where I can't protect you and our children from Whitney or anyone else who might want you for their own reasons."
"That makes sense when we have children, but certainly before, I can still work."
His jaw tightened. "You can be in a safe environment."
"And my photography?" Her voice dared him to tell her she couldn't do something she loved.
"When I come back, we'll both go. I'm good at carrying equipment. Trained for years in it. I'll have dinner ready when you get back to camp every night."
Her eyes lit up, and he knew he wanted to see that look on her face for the rest of his life.
"Good then." She surprised and pleased him, capitulating without further argument, as if she knew that when it came to her safety, he couldn't compromise. "I'm not into big weddings, but I'm a fairly traditional girl, and torturing you with a formal dress and tux sounds like a good idea, just so we start off right."
He blinked. A muscle ticked in his jaw and there was no way to stop it.
Her smile widened.
"You aren't nice."
"Just making sure you know what you're in for." She tilted her chin a little with a mixture of challenge and defiance. "Did you tell Tucker and Ian the puppet master threatened my parents again?"
"Of course I did. We've stepped up security. Three more of my team members are arriving today to help Tucker and Ian
, although the location is secure and I doubt they'll really need it. I wanted you to feel comfortable with their security. Did you want to call your mother today?"
She looked away from him, carefully setting the tea mug on the end table and plucking at imaginary threads on her jeans. "I think I'll wait another day or so."
"She'll be worried about you," he persisted. "You've always called her. Your mother is as much a victim here as you are, Tansy." He kept his voice low and gentle, a stroking caress rather than judgment.
"I know she is. I just don't know what I'm going to say when she wants me to talk to my father. I'm not ready for that, and I don't want to say or do anything that would hurt her."