An hour later Saber lay on the sofa on the upstairs landing, staring up at the ceiling. Her small lamp dispelled the darkness but gave her little comfort. Sighing, Saber slipped from the bed, wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling Jesse's shirt close around her body. On bare feet she padded down the hall to sit on the top
stair, needing to be close to Jess but not wanting a confrontation. After all, it was a no-win situation.
Below her, something moved out of the shadows. Jess. Saber could make out the outline of part of his chair and one powerful shoulder and arm. His face was still hidden in the darkness. Of course he would be down at the foot of the stairs, needing the same feeling of closeness. Saber drew her knees up to her chest, rested her chin on them. It gave her a measure of comfort to know he was there.
"Why don't you come down here?" he suggested softly.
"I can't, Jess," Saber replied, her voice muffled, throat raw and torn from the earlier heart-wrenching sobs. "I just can't."
There was a small silence. A red glow and the aroma of pipe tobacco drifting up the stairs indicated his state of mind. "It won't get cleared up if we don't talk about it."
Saber rubbed her forehead. The headache wasn't going away anytime soon. "What's to say?"
"He was wrong about you."
Her eyes began to burn all over again. She pressed her fingers deep to try to stop the tears. Crying was a weakness, one she'd never been able to overcome. "Maybe. If I don't know, how could you?"
"Because I know who you are. I see inside of you. You know yourself that using telepathy gives you glimpses into a person's mind. I feel what you feel. I can see what you're thinking. You aren't a killer, Saber. You kill reluctantly." He sighed. "The truth is, between the two of us, I have much more of a killer mentality. I don't feel remorse. Dead people don't haunt me at night. When I thought I was stuck in this chair, I missed the action, the adrenaline, the danger. I like the life. You don't."
"I made mistakes, Jess. I could make more."
Jess was silent, very aware of her fragile state of mind, the battle raging in her. She sounded so lost. So forlorn. He was walking a tightrope, needing to find a way of reaching her. Eric had reconfirmed all her own doubts about herself. If only he could touch her, hold her, he might have a chance. They were separated by a flight of stairs; it might as well have been the Grand Canyon.
"Listen to me, angel face," he tried again. His voice was sheer black magic, a dark sorcerer's powerful weapon, the only one he had at the moment, and he used it shamelessly. "We need to talk this out. Come on down, honey. I'll make hot chocolate, we can curl up on the futon with the fire going and settle it all, just the two of us."
His voice touched her like fingers, soothing, caressing. Half mesmerized, needing him, Saber stood up slowly. Part of her wanted to run down the stairs, fling herself into his arms and be comforted. The other half of her, the sane half, recognized the danger, the shaky line separating standing on the fence and making a commitment. She actually walked down the stairs thinking she was going to do it, just sit on his lap, lay her head on his shoulder, and everything would be all right.
Self-preservation took over. She'd hoped once. Believed once. Hoped and believed in him, yet with her own eyes she'd seen her file, pictures of her as a child killing a puppy. That had been one of the worst moments of her life and he'd witnessed it. Not only Jess, but his friends. Saber eluded Jess's outstretched hand, hurried into the middle of the living room.
"I can't let this happen. Don't you see? I want to be with you, to stay here, to believe it's all going to come out right, so the moment I let you hold me, I'll let you convince me even though I know it's impossible." Tears glittered on lashes. "And it is, Jess. It's impossible."
Jess found himself holding his breath. Saber couldn't possibly know what she looked like. Wild, beautiful, large violet-blue eyes luminous with unshed tears, blue-black curls spilling like a halo around her delicate face. She was clad only in his shirt, the tails dipping nearly to her knees, the sides riding higher, revealing an enticing glimpse of bare thigh. Her small bare feet only seemed to increase the feeling of intimacy between them. Beneath his terry cloth robe, his naked body stirred hungrily.
"You have to be willing to listen," he said gently. "I believe this can be resolved."
"Do you?" Her chin lifted, eyes flashing. "Do you really? Or are you just lying to yourself?"
Something dark and dangerous flickered in the depths of his eyes. His mouth hardened perceptibly. "I don't lie to myself."
"Really? What about your 'friend' Eric? Or the fact that you allowed them to talk you into the bionics program, or that they're using Zenith on you? Did you think I wouldn't recognize the signs of that drug? That was in Whitney's file, the one in plain English, not math code. It was his suggestion Zenith be used in small dosages, did you know that? You sold me out to them, whether you intended to do it or not."
"Bullshit, Saber. You're picking a fucking fight with me so you can leave." He knocked the ashes from his pipe into the ashtray beside him and tossed the pipe aside. "I would never sell you out, not for any reason. I had you investigated, like I was supposed to. It would have been criminal of me not to, and you can't condemn me for that. I have no idea how Eric found out about you, but it wasn't through me and it wasn't through Lily."
"How would you know? Because she told you that? Of course she told you and you believed her. But you didn't believe me when I told you he knew." She backed away when he glided closer.
"Damn it, Saber, we have no chance of straightening anything out between us if you're going to insist on behaving unreasonably."
"Unreasonably?" Saber echoed it, her voice swinging out of control. "You think I'm unreasonable because I don't like it that my past is known by all your little friends? That your friends think I'm a freak and a monster? God! What the hell do you want from me?" Tears sparkled on her lashes. "You want unreasonable? I'm out of here, Jesse!"
Saber whirled around and ran through the house, heedless of the dark, of the furniture. Ignoring Jess's hoarse yell, she swung the kitchen door open and rushed outside onto the grounds. She had no idea what she was doing but she had to get out of the house. Her lungs burned for air and she felt like the walls were closing in on her. Outside, the grass was squishy and wet beneath her bare feet. She ran into the middle of the backyard and paused to look wildly around her, not really comprehending what she was doing, where she thought she was going. The world around her was crashing down and everything she dreamt of was lost.
The night was as turbulent as she felt. Trees swayed in the wind. She turned up her face to the dark ominous clouds, allowing the rain to mingle with the tears on her face. The shirt molded itself to her soft curves and became nearly transparent.
Jess followed her into the tumultuous night, something wild and savage rising up in him to match the elements. "Saber!" His voice carried across the distance separating them, harsh, hoarse, commanding.
She spun around to face him, frightened, untamed, beautiful in the unrelenting storm. "I can't stand it, Jesse." It was a cry torn from her heart, her soul. She was so lost and there was no way out, no way back.
Above her, the sky ripped open, a jagged white streak cracking across the dark rolling clouds, for a moment throwing the grounds into sharp relief. Jess caught a glimpse of her, the shirt nearly nonexistent, plastered to her body and emphasizing her breasts, the darkened, erect nipples, the narrow rib cage and flat line of her stomach and the dark V at the junction of her legs. She looked like a pagan sacrifice, her slender arms outstretched to him, her pale face strained and vulnerable.
His body hardened. Not a subtle, enjoyable change but a savage, painful jolt, the need so intense, so ferocious, it was like nothing he'd ever experienced. "Come here." His voice was rough with lust.
Saber looked across the yard at him, at the raw hunger etched deep into the lines of his face. Desire glittered in his eyes, dark and rough. His body was starkly aroused, the bulge thick and impressive, tenting his robe. The breath stilled in her chest and every stomach muscle tightened and bunched. Spasms went off in her womb, little bursts like sparkling rockets. He was a dark obsession that drew her beyond control.
She came to him, he to her, meeting on the edge of the lawn. He caught the back of her legs in his hands, slid hi
s palms up her unexpectedly hot skin to her firm buttocks. His grip was strong, possessive, as he kneaded flesh.
Saber moaned as his exploring hands urged her closer. Not bothering to remove the thin, transparent material covering her flesh, Jess bent his dark head to her nipple. His mouth was hot on her aching breast, the shirt abrasive. It was wildly erotic, sending waves of such urgency through her body she could barely stand. Cradling his head to her breast, she lifted her face to the wild sky, allowing the rain to wash away the tears.
His hand skimmed up her inner thigh, moved higher to caress hot, moist velvet. Saber moaned again, needing, wanting, a sudden frenzy of hunger she couldn't control. Jess lifted his head, dark eyes burning black. He caught the front of her shirt and as another bolt of lightning ripped across the sky, he jerked brutally, parting the material so that the light exposed her creamy rain-wet skin. The shirt fell unnoticed, a rag in a pool of water at her feet.
Jess caught the nape of her neck, dragged her to him, fusing their mouths together, dominating, barbaric, taking, demanding her compliance, her submission. His body was burning, a painful unrelenting arousal. Saber's soft little throaty cries, her wandering hands, and the sweet taste of her did nothing to appease the pain--it only fueled the fire already burning out of control in him.
She tore her mouth from his, her hands pushing aside his robe, exposing the magnificence of his hard, masculine body. She knelt, wrapping her arms around his waist, her lips on his skin, tasting rain, moving sensuously over every defined muscle, exploring, taunting, deliberately feeding the desperate urgency she could sense in him.
Jess cried out hoarsely, caught two fistfuls of her silky hair, bunching the mass in his large hands, his body trembling, fighting for control. He jerked her head back. In the bright streak of lightning they stared into each other's souls.
"I'll never let you go," he warned softly, implacably. "Be certain, Saber, if you come to me like this, you're mine. If you do this, you're mine." Because she was going to destroy him. Utterly destroy him with her mouth and body. She was already taking him to a place he couldn't come back from.