Okay. That didn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would.
I swallowed. For some reason that felt like the hardest thing I’d ever done. It was like I had gone bungee jumping or something. There was this sense of thick tension that had been released as if I’d leaped off the cliff, descended into darkness, and the rope showed me that I would always survive, no matter how many times I bounced up and down in the air.
Relief soared through me. And deep down inside I knew that something had me. It held on strong, making sure that I wouldn’t break in the fall—that I wouldn’t perish.
Saint placed his hand over mine. “How are you really?”
I looked his way.
His gaze searched mine. In the depths of those blue eyes, I witnessed it all. Pain. Love. Fear. And even hope.
For a moment, I yearned to fall into my own desires, to close my eyes and enjoy the feel of his lips on mine. But we had to talk. I had to prove to him that there would be no more battle when it came to us.
I whispered, “I’m different.”
“I see.”
“I thought I was protecting myself. Now I know I was just pushing myself faster and faster toward death.”
“Not death, Ivy.”
“Was I ever really living?”
“You were.”
“But I could live more.”
“You can, and I want to be right next to you when you do.”
I turned my hand around and squeezed his. “I don’t ever want you out of my life. I love you so much. You moved on. . . you married another woman and had kids with her and. . .then moved into a farmhouse with chickens and a garden and a grandson named Ivan, it would kill me. I saw it.”
He looked around. “What?”
“Don’t marry anyone else. I’m not running from you.”
“Ivy, there will never be anyone else but you. I’ve said that to you since the first time I kissed you. Never.”
“I will live at that farmhouse with you.”
“I actually see myself more in the mountains than on a farm.”
“Maybe the farm is near the mountains.”
“I do like the name Ivan for a boy.”
“Me too. But that will be our grandson.”
He frowned. “Holly is probably right. We should see the doctor.”
“Do you want this new attitude fixed?”
“No.”
“Then let the doctor enjoy his Christmas Eve.”
He sighed. “Why did I find you on the ground in the snow? What happened?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“More ghosts?”
I nodded.
“Should we call your psychologist?”
“No. Those ghosts have done more than she ever could.”
He let out a long breath. “I’m worried.”
“Don’t be. This was the last ghost. He scared the shit out of me enough that I will never need any more lessons.”
“Lessons?”
“He showed me the future if I remained on my track of pushing everyone away. And it was a dark, lonely, cold one. I had shut everyone out and refused to talk to all of you.”
“Holly and I would never let you shut us out completely.”
“Maybe or maybe not. We’ll never have to test that out. I want you in my life. In fact, I need you by my side. My life. My sanity. My heart depends on all of this.”
“What are you saying, Ivy?”
I tried to get up.
He stopped me. “What are you doing?”
“I’m getting on one knee.”
Shocked, he raised his voice. “For what?”
I swallowed. “Will you marry me, Saint?”
“Ivy, you think I’m the type of man that would allow you to propose to me?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does.” He pierced me with a heated gaze. “But don’t worry about that. I’ve been waiting to put a ring on your finger for an exceptionally long time.”
“I was just saying let’s go for it now.”
“We will.”
“I’m not scared anymore.”
“I see.”
“Shoot. We can wake up the officiant right now, put on a coat, and hop in the chapel. Let’s do it.”
He laughed. “We will not cheat Holly and my mother out of annoying us for our wedding. Do you know that my mother has a Pinterest account with our names on it? It’s all about weddings and baby showers.”
“Wow.”
He shook his head at me. “You really have changed.”
“I have.”
“You’re talking marriage.”
“And babies.”
He licked his lips. “Oh yeah?”
“Lots of them.”
He raised his eyebrows. “We would have to move in together to get that started. I would need to dedicate all my time to stuffing my cock into you.”
I swallowed. “I’m up for that challenge.”
“We have a long list to accomplish before the New Year.”
I nodded. “We do.”
“Move to New York, buy a ring—”
“A big ring.”
“Of course.” He chuckled. “Holly will help.”
“Good. She knows what I love.”
“And then there’s apartment hunting.”
“I already have a great condo.”
“I’m not stepping in that place where all your colorful men roamed about.”
“Colorful men?”
“Your rainbow fuckboys.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay. New condo.”
“Make sure your rainbow fuckboys know that their services are no longer needed.”