“I’d intended to take a shower. but I suddenly knew that once Nikolai woke up and found me, I’d never have the strength to do what I had to do. Everyone thought I’d walked away from the theater out of guilt and I’d done nothing to dissuade them of that version. I walked away from everything… I left the world I loved more than anything… not only to survive, but to assure not another soul was ever hurt on my account.
“I spent the first year moving from place to place, torn between wanting desperately to step forward and clear my name and constant terror Nikolai would find me, would demand I pay a price for turning away from him, for refusing his generosity. Finally, the stories of how I’d ruined Lara’s life, how I’d disgraced my company, how I swallowed anything my pusher handed me and personally drank half the vodka on the planet, started being replaced with photos of Nikolai with different women — women who were as naïve as I’d been. Starlets who suddenly got the break of a lifetime to appear in blockbuster movies. Girls from Nowhere, USA, who were suddenly “discovered” to be the next supermodel. But it wasn’t until I saw him at the opening performance of Romeo and Juliette with his arm wrapped around this stunning brunette’s tiny waist that I finally began to relax. I’d been replaced. He’d found a new prima ballerina.
“I’d most likely not have made it through if it wasn’t for my grandmother. Even though she was the one who was sick, she was the strength I’d needed to get my ass into rehab and do some serious work. It wasn’t easy facing my demons, but I did it. I knew I’d never be the star I’d always envisioned I could become, but I was satisfied I had enough funds left to purchase my house. Its quaint charm and small garden fill me with a quiet calm I’d forgotten even existed.”
“It’s a charming home,” Alek said, giving me a hug.
“It is,” I agreed, noting that he’d said home. It was as if he knew the penthouse I’d owned in New York had been nothing more than a place to hang my clothes and to occasionally crash when Nikolai had business to attend to. Shaking away the thoughts of the man who almost killed my very spirit, I finished the story.
“Another year passed, and I began to dance in the garage. A few more months, and, again at the urging of my grandmother, I turned the garage into a studio and began teaching the craft I so love. It isn’t a life of lavish parties or couture clothes… I had some months where I’d had to rob Peter to pay Paul in order to pay for the drugs my grandmother needs, but it’s a life I’m not ashamed to live.”18AlekI was ready to find the bastard and teach Nikolai Kosloff a lesson or two of his own. Like how any man who lifted a hand in anger against a woman was a goddamned coward and one who raped a woman — well, let’s just say I felt a burning desire to make sure he’d no longer own any equipment to even make that a fucking possibility. I wanted to… I raged inside, and yet I knew the woman seated on my lap was as fragile as the crystal globe I could see sitting in a place of honor on my mantel. There was a small figurine of a ballerina inside that globe, protected by the glass surrounding it, and I had to be satisfied my job was to protect Clara from the memories that had haunted her for years.
“Why didn’t you ever tell the media the truth?” I asked. “Why have you always allowed yourself to be abused? If people understood your reasoning behind it, they’d be much more willing to forgive you. You made a mistake. People understand that. You were in pain from watching your grandmother’s health begin to deteriorate. You grew addicted to drugs and drank too much. There are valid reasons for what you did. Not right, but at least reasons some people would understand and maybe relate to. We all would do whatever it took to take care of a loved one.”
Clara took a moment as if to seriously consider my words and then shook her head. “Why did I never try to defend myself? Why didn’t Lara ever come forward and talk about what really happened that night? I suppose because neither of us thought we’d be believed. I was barely twenty, and Nikolai was not only twice my age, he had so much power. I became used to hearing I was nothing more than a jealous, conniving bitch, to being told dancing with the devil would send me straight to where I belonged… Hell. And, to be honest, a lot of it had to do with the fact I knew I deserved their disgust and all that came with it.”