I press the buzzer and watch him push open the door. I switch on the light and quickly run to the mirror. I had pulled my hair into a braid at the side of my head before I went to bed. It looks messy. Strands hang on either side of my face. I quickly swipe them back and tuck them behind my ears. I rub my eyes to make them look more awake and pull together the front of my nightgown. I don’t want to encourage something I’m not ready for.
I jump when I hear the knock on the door. Wow, he was fast.
Too fast to have waited for the elevator. He must have run up the stairs. I twist the handle and take a step back.
Oh my! Jack outside on the street is one thing. Jack looming in my hallway is completely another matter.
Before I can say a word he takes a step forward and pulls me into his arms. Taken completely by surprise I tumble into his broad chest. Almost instantly I feel myself losing my composure, unraveling. His body is hard and unyielding. Oh sweet Jesus, this is exactly what I did not want to happen.
“You said … talk … coffee,” I croak.
“Fuck talking and coffee, Sofia. I came here for a taste of your sweet body.”
The fumes of alcohol on his breath hit my nostrils, but it doesn’t put me off in the least. I want this man inside me. Where did this desire for a man come from? I’ve never wanted a man in my life, never even imagined I might want to, let alone this bad. He puts one big, warm man arm under my back and the other under my knees and lifts me up. So close to his neck I get a whiff of his cologne.
“Tonight I’m going to ravish you. Make you mine,” he growls possessively into my ear.
I feel his breath fan the top of my hair as he carries me down the hallway towards the only open door. My bedroom. He takes me inside and lays me on the bed. My heart is galloping in my chest.
I look up at him as he towers over me. In dim light from the corridor his face is full of shadows, hard. I can’t tell his expression, but his eyes glitter hotly. My mind snaps this image as the precious moments before our love affair ends.
I put off telling him the truth about me for so long because I didn’t want to see this searing lust die away, to be replaced by disgust. For the first time in my life I was enjoying the attention, the feeling of being wanted, desired. Tonight, in the next few minutes it will all come to an end.
He reaches for me.
“I need to tell you something first,” I say. My voice is oddly calm.
“You can tell me after I’ve had you,” he says curling his hand around my ankle.
“No,” I insist. “It’s important. I have to tell you this first. Then you decide if you still want to have me.”
He releases my ankle, his eyes narrowing. “Go on. Spit it out.”
I can already feel tears burning the backs of my eyes, but I harden my heart. I’ll tell him and he’ll run a mile, but it’ll be all right. I’ll survive this tragedy exactly the way I’ve survived everything else.
Baby steps.
It was fun while it lasted.
Lifting my body off the bed, I scoot away from him on my hands and butt. When my back touches the headboard I wrap my arms around my body and start speaking. “When I was young my father sold me to a trafficking gang.”
His jaw drops. Even in the darkness I can see his body go slack with shock. He blinks and stares at me in disbelief.
“The gang sold me to a brothel owner in Brussels. For many years,” my voice breaks, but I clear my throat and carry on, “I lived with him and serviced his clients. Mostly politicians. You know, members of the European Parliament. They were away from their wives and they needed company.”
Oh God, why am I babbling like a fool? I can’t believe I’m telling him about the men who came to abuse me. White-washing them. They needed company! I take a deep breath. Quick. Cut to the chase, Sofia.
“Then a year ago Guy rescued me and brought me to live with him and Lena in Cheshire.” I exhale. “Christmas Eve last year was my first social outing.”
He drops to his knees. Like an elephant felled by a hunter in a long range gun. Defeated by something he could never fight. Something he never saw coming. Up this close I see his eyes and they are full of horror. Dumbfounded horror.
I force a smile. “So if you want to leave now, go ahead. I’ll totally understand.”
At the sound of my voice he holds his head and shakes it as if to clear it, or as if he can’t process the information I have given him. I gaze at him silently.
“Oh, fuck,” he roars suddenly, and his voice is so full of fury I jump. He turns his body to the side and violently slams his fist on the floor. He keeps on slamming it and a frisson of fear runs up my spine. He is going to hurt himself.
“Stop,” I scream.
As quick as lightning he scrambles up on the bed, grabs my leg, and pulls me towards him so my feet land on the ground and he ends up kneeling between my thighs. He grasps my upper arms. “And you were frightened to tell me this because you thought I would turn tail and run. What the fuck, Sofia?”
My heart starts racing, not with fear, but with exhilaration and hope. I damp it down. There is worse to come.
“I didn’t know what to think. It’s enough to make any man run,” I breathe.
“Not this one,” he snarls.
I take a shuddering breath. No point dragging it out. “There’s one more thing I have to show you.”
He releases my arms. “Go on,” he grates.
I take my gown off and turn around.
“What the fuck is that?” I hear him ask incredulously.
I whirl my head and face him. He looks like he is going to pass out or puke. I press my bunched up nightgown against my naked breasts.
“He … branded me.”
“With his name?” he asks, as if unable to believe what he is hearing.
I nod slowly.
He buries his face in his hands. “Oh. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No matter where I go, I can’t. I just can’t fucking run away from the cruelty of human beings.” His voice is hoarse, suffering. I almost don’t recognize it.
I reach out a hand towards his bent head. I don’t touch him. I just hover it inches away from his silky hair. His hands are clenched and his whole body is trembling with fury and incredible pain.
I watch as his silent tears drip on the floor.
My pain has become his, and he can’t take it. I feel a wave of love for the tortured man. He doesn’t deserve to suffer like this. I touch his head gently.
And he looks up slowly as if he is seeing me for the first time.
Twenty-three
Sofia
“It’s okay,” I whisper, wiping away his tears. “I know yo
u can’t stomach it. I understand. Like I said before. We’ll be friends. We’ll always be friends. You can go home and we’ll forget this ever happened. We’ll pretend this night never happened.”
It seems forever that he gazes into my eyes. Then he sighs, the sound loud in the silence of my bedroom. “I don’t need to go home, Sofia. I’m in the right place,” he says.
My mind goes blank with shock. “Are you sure?”
“You’re it for me. Wherever you are is exactly where I’m meant to be.”
I stare at him in astonishment. A thousand times I dreamed of this moment, but it was never this passionate, determined declaration. Never. Tears well up in my eyes.
“Don’t, my sweet child. Don’t,” he croons.
I blink hard. I don’t want to cry. I let go of all my fears. I don’t want him to think of me as a child. I want to be his woman. Strong, sexy, desirable.
He sits on the floor and pulls me down onto his lap. I hold onto his shoulders and straddle his thighs. He pulls my hair tie, unbraids my hair, and fluffs it out so it halos my face.
“Exactly how I thought you’d look. Beautiful. Just beautiful.” His face is flushed with desire. This is it. This is the moment I didn’t dare dream. Valdislav took too much from me, but he could never have my heart. That was always mine, but tonight I give it freely to this fine man.
“I don’t have a condom,” I murmur.
“I have, but I don’t want to use one with you.”
My eyes widen. “Why?”
“We’ll use it if you want to, but I want to fill you with my cum. I want to coat the outside and inside of your body with me. With my smells, my seed, my sweat, my blood if necessary. I want you to be my woman. I want to obliterate the memory of any other man. From today there will be no other for you but me.”
“What if I get pregnant?”
“Then we’ll find a name for our baby.”
My eyes get big. “You want to have a baby with me?”
He smiles. “I can’t think of better a mother than you.”
I stare at him in amazement. For as long as I can remember all I ever wanted was my own little family, but after what happened to me I pushed the thought away as something impossible, and yet this … this is too good to be true. I’m not one of those lucky people who have good things happening to them all the time.