“A medical laboratory.” I open my eyes, needing to look at Lucas so I know for sure I’m here and not there. I’m not being stripped naked for an examination as I cry from humiliation and fear. Needles aren’t poking into my skin.
I open my mouth, but the words fail me. Lucas takes my hand in his, thumb gently rubbing circles against my palm. I blink and inhale, feeling the truth burn inside of me. It wants to come up as much as I want to keep it dead and buried deep inside.
But memories can never really die, and even the dead have a way of clawing their way through the soil and finding you.
“My father’s always been afraid of me. Maybe a little jealous of what I can do. But I know he fears what is different and hates what he can’t control.” I shake my head, tears filling my eyes. “And he could never control my powers. So, when I was nine years old, he sold me to the highest bidder.”
“Sold you?”
“Different doctors and scientists put in bids to take me back to their labs and study me. I don’t know how much my father got paid, but I know it was a hefty contribution to his political campaign, as he put it.” I work hard to keep my emotions in check because this is the part that I never let myself process.
That my own father sold me.
That my mother did nothing to stop him.
That my older brother laughed and said he was glad a freak like me wouldn’t be under the same roof with him anymore.
And the fact that Abby screamed and cried and tried to break me out of the hospital when she came to visit me, and yet my parents didn’t care how much they were hurting me but also my sister.
Lucas’s brow furrows. “And you ended up in a medical laboratory.”
I nod, chest tightening. “And the moment I was shoved through those doors, I wasn’t treated like a human anymore. I was their lab rat, but one with powers.” A chill runs through me, and now I can’t stop shivering. Lucas lets go of my hand and takes me in his arms. His body is warm from being under the heated blanket and is the most comforting thing in the world right now. “At first, I thought my father hoped they’d figure out a genetic reason or something for why I had powers, and they’d give me a cure. Kind of like the anti-mutant vaccine in X-Men. But…that’s not what happened.”
“What did happen?” Lucas asks, voice soft.
“They studied me at first, questioning me and thinking maybe I was mentally insane and none of the powers I described were real. I tried not to use them. I thought maybe if they saw no signs of my powers, they’d let me go.”
My eyes fall shut again and I’m hit with a vision of being shoved into a big, white room. I’m alone for what feels like hours, with only that stuffed black cat to keep me company.
Finally, the door opens, but instead of one of the nurses coming to get me, a man comes in. Right away, I know something is wrong with him. His eyes are bloodshot, and his movements are jerky.
I was terrified.
A camera was mounted in every corner, with Dr. Howard safe in his office watching. Waiting. Forcing me to use my powers before this man who was high or drunk—probably both—came after me. I still don’t know if that man is alive or dead. All I know is I conjured an energy ball and hit him right in the chest, causing him to seizure before finally going still.
“They forced me to use my powers by putting me in scary situations. It didn’t take much to scare me back then. I was a kid, alone and abandoned by her family. I…I…I think I killed people.” My voice breaks, and I can’t stop the tears from falling. I’ve never told anyone that, not even Tabatha. Accidental or not, killing is killing, and everyone else in my life would look at me differently if they knew the truth.
But not Lucas.
“Why do you think so?”
“When I wouldn’t willingly use my powers, they’d force me to with pain or fear. One doctor in particular liked to bring me into an observation room and leave me alone with someone who had to be coming down from a bad trip. I thought they were monsters.”
Lucas starts stroking my hair, and I take another few seconds before I can go on. “They took a lot of my blood and even bone marrow. I was never told why, but my theory is they were trying to figure out how to duplicate my powers.”
“How long did this go on?” Lucas asks, voice hollow.
“A little over a year. I’d leave when my parents needed me for political appearances, of course. I’d come home for holidays too. You know, so the full family would be together for any photographs. They drugged me then, made it impossible for me to run away or conjure an energy ball.”
“How did you get out?”
I run my fingers up along his arm and slip them under the sleeve of his t-shirt. “Tabatha. A spirit came to her in a dream, telling her about me.” I can’t help but get emotional when I think about it. Especially now when I know that spirit was Binx. “I’ll never forget the day she came in, using magic to throw people around and to break the glass of my cell. She took me to Thorne Hill and told me I was a witch with powers and could learn magic if I wanted her to teach me. Of course I said yes. I started at the Academy the next term and lived with the Greystones for a while. I just wanted to get on with my life and never look back. Which is why these repressed memories are so haunting, I know. I never dealt with anything.”
“No wonder you hate your family.”
“Right? And the fucked-up thing is, my father and Scott never showed remorse. They hated me then, as they still do today. Abby objected and cried, but like I told you before, she’s not much older than me and really, what could she do? My mother, though…she never fought for me. I can’t imagine having a child and just…just letting them be tortured and abused.”
“Eliza is the closest thing I’ll ever have to a child,” Lucas starts. “And the thought of doing anything to harm her in any way physically upsets me.” He kisses the top of my head and continues running his fingers through my hair.
“Please don’t say you pity me now. It makes me feel weird.”
“I hate what happened, but I don’t pity you. If anything, Callie,” he starts, and tips my head up so he can look into my eyes, “it makes me see just how strong you are. The people who were supposed to love and protect you turned on you, and yet you still managed to grow into one hell of a tough woman with a kind heart. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. You are incredible, Callie.”
“I’m no gladiator.” I smile up at him.
He bends his head down and kisses me. “What is it about the automatic blinds that reminds you of that place?”
“The door to the room I was kept in opened automatically. The sound of the metal doorframe moving back sounds similar to the blinds going down. I repressed that memory so deep it didn’t even occur to me until I had a dream about it the other night.”
“If you want to do the magic to the window, I can change the settings and keep the blinds from going down in this room.”
“No,” I tell him. “I’m not going to let fear control me anymore. I’m sure it’ll still wake me up because it’s a little loud, but no more waking up all freaked out from repressed memories,” I yawn.
“Are you still tired?”
“I am.”
Lucas lays us back down, keeping me on his chest. He rubs my back until I fall asleep, and I don?
?t wake up again until ten-thirty AM. I’m alone in bed, and the room isn’t dark. I sit up, feeling a little groggy, and pull the covers back. The bedroom doors are open, and the hall light is on.
I use the bathroom, brush my teeth, and pull my hair into a messy braid. I hear Lucas talking on the phone as I walk by his office on my way to the kitchen to find something to eat, thankful there’s still fresh food here from the last time I stayed overnight in Chicago.
I’m putting butter on my toast when Lucas comes into the kitchen.
“Good morning, my love,” he says, striding over and wrapping his arms around my waist. I set the butter knife down and spin in his arms, leaning up to kiss him. “You seemed to have slept well.”
“I did, thanks to you.”
“Thank me later.” He gives me another kiss.
“Aren’t you tired? You’ve been up for a while now.”
He shrugs. “I don’t get tired as easily as a human.”
“But you do get tired,” I press. “How about I rub your back until you fall asleep this time?”
“If your hands are on me, will it lead to sex?”
“It usually does,” I whisper. Lucas gives me one more kiss before releasing me. I go back to making breakfast, and he stays in the kitchen with me while I eat so we can talk about nothing in particular.
Then we go upstairs to shower, which of course leads to sex, and then we both get back into bed. I sit on my knees, massaging Lucas’s muscular back. Sometimes it looks like he’s breathing when he’s awake, which he explained as having the habit of inhaling and exhaling so ingrained in you as a human a lot of vampires still do it even though they don’t realize it.
But when he’s asleep, he looks dead. Not breathing, no heart beating, and cold skin.
“Lucas?” I whisper so quietly a human wouldn’t be able to hear me. He doesn’t respond, leading me to believe he’s dead asleep. I pull the blankets up over him, kiss his cheek, and leave the master bedroom, wanting to call Kristy and check in on everything back at Thorne Hill. I close the bedroom doors and go into the kitchen again, wanting to get something to snack on as I chat.