It was a beautiful fall night and perfect for camping. We’d spent a good portion of the day leaf peeping; it was peak season for that in New Hampshire. Thankfully, our camper was heated, and even had WiFi, so we were definitely glamping. That was the way to do it, if you asked me.
“So, who’s gonna get the bedroom?” Kai asked.
“I say we flip a coin,” Luke replied.
“I say Teagan and I get it, considering I’m the one driving your ass home tomorrow. That means I need the better night’s sleep.”
“Somehow I don’t think sleep is what you have in mind,” Luke cracked.
Ethan’s cheeks actually turned a little red. I realized he might not have told Luke we hadn’t had sex yet. Probably wasn’t great for his ego to admit his girlfriend had been putting off sleeping with him. Kai knew the deal, though, and quickly changed the subject to her sister Andrea’s wedding, which was in a couple of weeks. I’d be helping out at the ceremony. Ethan would be going as my date.
After Ethan lit the campfire, I was pretty proud of myself for keeping it together while building my s’more. I’d accepted that Caleb was choosing not to respond to me, and therefore I’d decided not to regard him with the sentimentality I once had. In any case, I was happy to enjoy the s’mores rather than cry into them. Small victories.***In the end, Ethan and I won the bedroom in the camper that night. I ended up giving him a hand job and making him come before he could try to have sex with me. I felt terrible about the whole thing. I was starting to hate myself for treating him this way. A man could only take so much. But the bigger question was: why? Why wasn’t I ready? He’d given me more than enough time. But I couldn’t make it happen. I only hoped I didn’t lose a great guy in the meantime.CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX* * *TEAGANDespite having grown more comfortable expressing my feminine side, I still hated having to put full makeup on. But Kai had specifically asked me to wear it for the photos at her sister Andrea’s wedding. Andrea had asked me to hand out programs, which meant I’d have to smile and nod a lot. This entire night was going to be out of my comfort zone. Not only did I allow Kai to do my hair in large, loose curls that were so not my style, but I’d put on one of Maura’s super fancy dresses. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gotten really dressed up.
I opened the drawer where I kept my old makeup, and my heart nearly stopped. There was a yellow envelope amidst the mess of lipsticks and other junk. On the front it said: Dolphina.
How long had this been in here? I never opened my makeup drawer. I kept a few lip glosses and an eyeliner on top of the sink, but I guessed I hadn’t gone for anything beyond that since Caleb left.
My heart pounded as I carefully opened the envelope and read what was inside.My beautiful Teagan,First off, hello again. You’re probably wondering why I left this in your makeup drawer, which you never open. I guess I figured that would allow enough time to pass before you discovered this note. Perhaps you were able to get over my leaving by now, and that’s why this is the appropriate time to remind you that no matter where I am, no matter how many days or months or years have gone by, I can assure you I have not forgotten you. I can also assure you that I still think about you all the time.
If I’ve done something to make you think otherwise, please get that out of your head. I hope that by the time you’re reading this, you’ve moved on from me, from the sadness my leaving caused you. But if for some reason you haven’t, take this letter and place it close to your heart. Close your eyes and feel me with you. Know that as I’m writing this, I feel so much in my heart for you. And I dare not say that four-letter word, only because it’s not fair. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.
I’m confident that no matter where I am or how many months or years go by, what I feel for you won’t change. Our lives might change, but I will always carry these feelings in my heart. If you’ve opened up this drawer for your makeup, maybe you’re going somewhere special or out for a night on the town. Whatever it may be, please do one thing for me: don’t ever settle, Teagan. Don’t EVER settle. You deserve the world. I hope as you’re reading this, you haven’t grown to hate me, for leaving or otherwise. I hope you remember me in a positive light. But whatever the case may be, know that wherever I am, a part of you is with me.