His eyes shut tightly as he rested his head on my chest. “I can’t.”
A tear fell down my cheek. “Okay,” I whispered.
He looked up at me. “Was Milo okay the rest of the time you were out?”
“Yeah. It was uneventful. Have you even eaten?”
Shaking his head, he said. “I’m not hungry. I think I’m gonna just head to bed.” It wasn’t like Channing to not have an appetite.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” He leaned in, gently kissing me on the forehead before retreating to his room.***I couldn’t sleep that night, haunted by thoughts of Lainey and of Channing’s post-traumatic stress.
Around 2AM, the creak of my door startled me. Channing appeared in my doorway like a shirtless shadow.
Without seeking permission, he slipped into my bed and cradled my body in his.
Closing my eyes, I relished the feel of his warm skin against mine.
His voice came as a surprise. “I saw the whole thing happen, Amber. Everything.”
My heart clenched. I turned around to face him in the darkness and placed my hand on his cheek.
He went on, “I’m not sure why I’d been looking up at the time. I wasn’t even supposed to be there. I was supposed to just drop them off at the fairgrounds and leave. But then I ran into some people from school and ended up staying. I saw Lainey and Brandy get on the ride. For some reason, I just kept my eyes on it when it started moving.”
He paused and let out a long breath.
Running my fingers through his hair, I whispered, “It’s okay.” I could feel a teardrop fall from his eye onto my hand.
“When the car went airborne…at first, I didn’t know whether it was theirs. Everything happened so fast. The world just felt like it stopped. To be honest, I don’t remember a lot very clearly after that. I somehow made my way over to the ride, but people were pushing me back. I kept saying, ‘My sister’s on that ride. My sister.’” His voice trembled. “My sister.”
My tears were blinding me.
“Eventually, they started letting people off, and every time someone other than her would come out, my heart would stop. By the time I figured out that it was her car that fell from the sky, they’d cordoned off the area. They wouldn’t let me through. I was kicking and screaming, punching at people. I don’t remember much after that. Everything is a blur.” His breathing became more rapid as he recalled the rest. “Someone called my mother. Mom showed up. Then, someone drove us both to the morgue to identify Lainey. My mother was the one who had to do it. I didn’t go in. It was just…a nightmare.” It was barely audible when he said, “My sweet sister. She was my family. Everything.”
My heart was breaking. “I know. I felt that way about her, too. She was my very best friend. As an only child, I didn’t have a sister. She was the closest thing I had to one.”
“I can’t even explain what having you around back then meant to me, Amber. It was such a dark and surreal time, but you being there made it tolerable somehow. It felt less empty. Besides my mother, you were the one person who could relate to how I was feeling. And the thing is, I didn’t even have to explain myself to you, because you just knew. We both knew what we’d lost.”
“That’s true.” I sniffled.
Channing held me tightly. “I need to tell you something.”
My stomach dropped. “Something is going on back home, isn’t it?”
His body stiffened. “Yes. But what made you ask that?”
“I heard you on the phone one night. You were talking to someone, and it sounded serious. You were assuring the person that you’d be back soon. I didn’t pry, but I’ve really wanted to.”
He nodded in understanding. “That was my mother’s boyfriend. He’s been working overtime while I’m here.”
“Why?”
“Mom was diagnosed with dementia about six months ago.”
My heart sank. “Oh, my God.”
“Yeah…and it’s bad. The diagnosis has been a long time coming. We would notice she would forget little things here and there. She’d call me and forget that we’d just spoken, stuff like that. But it’s gotten progressively worse, and the truth is, I feel like my life is about to get a whole lot more complicated soon. I also don’t think her boyfriend, Fred, is going to be around much longer. It sounds really awful, but I wanted to get away for a bit while I could, while he’s still there to look after her. This opportunity came up and I took it.”
“So, wait a minute. You requested the contract job?”
“I had my choice of a few different off-site projects. I didn’t have to take them. Honestly, I picked Boston because you’re here.”
“Wow. I had no clue.”
“I wasn’t planning on admitting that to you, that I specifically chose Boston. But the truth is, absolutely nothing has played out here the way I planned. And it’s kind of scaring the shit out of me.” Channing nestled his head into the crook of my neck.