I did it for us, for the family we dreamed of, but I couldn’t make her see that. Looking back, I didn’t try hard enough. I heard what she was telling me, but I didn’t listen, if that makes any sense. I half-assed the attention I gave her. I failed her, and this is my punishment.
Losing her.
“I’m heading out.” I pull some cash out of my wallet and drop it on the bar. Cliff nods that he sees me.
“You want some company?” Chase asks.
“Nah, I’m good.”
“I’ll call you,” he adds.
I lift my hand to wave, not bothering to turn around, and walk out of the bar. Climbing behind the wheel of my truck, I fight back against the vise that seems to be gripping my chest. On impulse, I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial her number. It rings three times before she finally answers.
“Harrison.” Her sweet voice washes over me.
“Winnie.” Fuck me. I want to beg her to stop this. To change her mind. I want to go back nine months before I moved out, giving her the space she asked for. I should have stayed and fought for her. I should have fought harder for us.
“You there?”
“Yeah, I uh, just wanted to check on you. Hear your voice.”
“Harrison.” She sighs. “We can’t keep doing this to each other.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” she says softly.
“We can fix this, Win, I know we can.”
“We’ve tried. We gave it our all and couldn’t make it work.”
“We can try harder,” I growl, my anger at losing her getting the best of me.
“I should go,” she says, shutting down.
“I’m sorry, but fuck, Gwendolyn, you’re my fucking heart. I don’t know what to do without you.”
I hear her sniffle; I’ve gone and upset her. “Please,” she cries. “We have to stop doing this to each other. It’s over, Harrison.” The line goes dead. Balling my hand into a fist, I pound at the center of my chest to try and mask the pain. Swallowing back my emotions, I put my truck in drive and head to my empty, lonely apartment.
I slept like shit, barely falling into a slumber before my alarm was going off, reminding me that today is the day. The day the love of my life is no longer my wife. Rushing through a shower, I throw on a suit—something I have not done since our wedding day, ironically enough—and head to the courthouse.
I arrive a few minutes early, meeting my lawyer, Greg, in the lobby.
“Good morning.” He holds his hand out in greeting.
I take it. “Morning.”
“So, since neither of you are contesting, this is going to be a quick process. Just you and me, Gwendolyn, and her lawyer, the judge, and bailiff. We should be in and out in no time.”
“Yeah.” I follow him into a small room, which is not what I was expecting. Winnie and her lawyer are sitting on the opposite side of the table. “Hey,” I say, my eyes taking her in. She really is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Today, her long black hair is pulled back in a ponytail exposing her slender neck. The same neck I’ve spent hours kissing. Worshiping really.
“Hey, Harrison,” she replies. Sadness fills her green eyes.
I take the seat next to my lawyer and we wait for the judge. Awkward silence surrounds us, and I hate it. This isn’t us. We used to talk about everything and nothing at all. A few minutes pass, and finally, the judge enters the room taking her seat at the head of the table. She begins sifting through the papers and then finally looks up.
“Everything is in order. The alimony amount has been signed by both parties, assets have been divided.”
What she should say is that Winnie gets it all. I told her I didn’t want anything. Well, except for pictures, which she already made me copies of. Other than my clothes, I didn’t want anything to remind me of the failure I was at our marriage.
“Do we have any objections from either party?” she asks.
“No, your honor,” we reply at the same time.
“All right, looks like the only information I’m missing is from you, Gwendolyn. Do you plan on keeping your married name? If not, now is the time to change that.”
My eyes snap to Winnie. She’s biting down on her bottom lip and tears well in her eyes. I have to grip the edge of the table to keep from rushing to her. I always hated to see her upset.
When she looks up, she gives me a soft, sad smile. “I’d like to remain Gwendolyn Drake, your honor,” she says, never taking her eyes off me.
Fuck! I’ve never wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss the hell out of her more than I do this minute.
“Very well,” the judge says. She signs her name on the papers, the same ones we signed a few weeks ago. “As of today, your divorce is final. Best of luck to both of you.” She stands and leaves the room as if we were discussing the weather.
“It’s been a pleasure.” Greg holds his hand out for me to shake. On autopilot, I take it. He turns and walks out of the room, but I stay back. Waiting on her. I hear her lawyer ask if she wants her to stay and she tells her to go on.
“Hey,” I say when it’s finally just the two of us.
“Hey.”
We walk toward the door, and I rest my hand on the small of her back. I miss her so fucking much. “You going to work today?”
“No. You probably need to get going though.” She looks at her watch checking the time.
“I’m not going either,” I tell her, and I can see the shock on her face. “I’d be useless anyway.”
She nods. “I have some of your things. I was cleaning and found a few shirts, a pair of shorts. You can stop and pick them up if you want.”
It’s been two months, give or take a few days, since I’ve been there. The house we bought with big plans of making it our home, of raising our kids there. “Yeah, I can follow you if that’s okay.”
“Sure.” She hesitates. “I guess I’ll see you soon.”
“See you soon.” I open the door of her SUV and wait for her to climb in before closing it. I jog back to my truck and follow her home.
To her home.
It’s no longer mine.
I park beside her on the driveway just like I used to, and climb out. She’s waiting for me on the front porch. I watch as her hand shakes when she tries to unlock the door.
“Let me,” I say gently, snaking my arms around her, and placing my hands over hers. A sob breaks free from her chest and that loud crack you hear, that’s my heart. I didn’t think it was possible for it to be any more broken.
I was wrong.
Instead of pulling the key from her hand and unlocking the door, I turn her in my arms and hold her tightly against my chest. I’m battling with my own emotions, not only from seeing her like this, but from losing her. I don’t know how much time passes while we hold each other. It’s when a car honks as they drive by that I decide it’s time for us to move i
nside.
“Let’s get you into the house,” I whisper. Stepping back, she hands me the key, but I snake my arm around her waist and hold her close to me. This might be my last chance to hold her, and you can bet your ass I’m taking it. Quickly, I unlock the door and usher her inside. I drop the keys on the hall table and kick the door shut with my foot. Stepping in front of her, I cup her face in my hands. “You okay?”
She shakes her head. “I will be,” she says.
“You kept my name,” I whisper, leaning in a little closer.
“Yeah, I just—” She looks down for three heartbeats. I know because I counted them before she gives me her sad eyes. “I wanted to keep a piece of you, a piece of us.”
“Winnie,” I whisper as my lips collide with hers. She’s hesitant at first, but eventually throws caution to the wind and kisses me back. Placing my hands on the back of her thighs, I lift her, and she immediately wraps her legs around my waist. We’ve done this song and dance so many times. We move in sync with one another, something that comes from years of intimacy. My tongue slides against hers, exploring her, tasting her again after all these months. When she grinds her hips against my hard cock, I moan, resting my forehead against hers.
“Winnie,” I pant.
“Just this once,” she murmurs.
That’s all I need to hear and my feet are moving. She places her mouth over mine and we barely make it down the hall and to our room—
—her room, before we’re ripping each other’s clothes off.