“I promised you I wouldn’t keep you from her.”
“And what about you?”
“W-What about me?”
“I want you both, Laney. I don’t care what I have to do to make that happen.”
She’s quiet for a few minutes, those big blue eyes of her assessing me. When she finally speaks, her words are like a balm to my soul. “I-I dreamt about you last night. It was a dream I’ve never had before. We were in a meadow, and you were holding your hand out for me. Usually, it’s you, and you’re reaching for me, but I can never tell where we are, and I never reach for you. This time… this time, I placed my hand in yours before I woke up.”
“I can take you there. We spent a lot of time in that little meadow. It was our spot. Your mother didn’t approve of me, so the meadow and my condo were where we spent most of our time together.”
“I hear what you’re saying, and the conviction in your voice tells me it’s your truth.” It’s our truth. “My mind is spinning with all this information. With this version of my life I know nothing about. I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe. I’m so confused about all of this. I-I need to talk to my mother.”
I hate this. I hate this divide. I hate that she doesn’t remember the time we spent together. The feel of my hands as they trace her skin. The feel of my lips as they press against hers. I hate that she doesn’t remember waking up in the bed of my truck, nothing but the blanket wrapped around our naked bodies. There is not a moment, a single second that I spent with her, that is not ingrained in my memory.
“Right. Of course,” I say, dropping my hand from her chin and taking a step back. “She’ll be here Thursday, right? With Kendrix?” Just saying her name has my heart squeezing in my chest.
“Yes. I don’t want to have this conversation with her over the phone. It needs to be in person. That gives me a few days to wrap my head around this. You know that your story, the version you told me, means that my mother lied to me. You know that, right? It means my mother denied my baby girl her father.” Her voice cracks and I want nothing more than to wrap her in my arms and assure her that everything is going to be fine. We’re going to be fine.
“Have dinner with me tonight?”
“I—” She pauses, her blue eyes boring into mine as if trying to decide. She’s wavering. “Okay. I’ll meet you somewhere. What I did last night, it was reckless and unsafe.”
I flinch as if she slapped me across the face. “Unsafe?” The words feel like sandpaper in my mouth. “Did I scare you? God, Delaney, I would never hurt you. Never.”
“No. No, it’s not that. It’s just that I don’t know you.”
“You know me. I’m the man who visits you in your dreams every night. I’m the man who holds you right here.” I place my hand over my heart. “You’re safe with me, but I don’t want to push you. I never want you to feel uncomfortable or unsafe around me.”
“That’s the scary part,” she whispers. “I didn’t feel any of those things. I’ve never felt more… at home than I did sitting at your kitchen table.” Her eyes well with tears, but they never fall. “I want to know you. I want all these memories that you keep telling me about. I-I know this makes me sound crazy, but I feel them. It’s as if I know what you’re telling me is true. My body knows you, but my mind… my mind only knows you in my dreams. Then there’s my mother and what she’s told me. I can’t mold the two together. If you are Kendrix’s father, you’re not the man my mother warned me about. Was there someone else? Was I sleeping with two men?” She’s getting agitated.
“Hey.” I step close to her and place my hands on her shoulders. “It was just us, baby. I promise you that. That’s not who you were. Deep in my soul, I know that’s not what happened. Tell me what to do, Laney. How can I help you?”
“Give me time? I know that’s a lot to ask, but this is a lot to take in. And—” She stops herself, biting down on her bottom lip.
“And what?”
Blue eyes wet with tears capture me. I couldn’t look away from her if I tried. “I want you to be right. I can’t explain it, but I-I want you to be right.”
Not able to hold back, I pull her into my chest and hold her tight. Burying my face in her hair, I breathe her in and hope like hell her memories come back to her. Then I have to plead for her forgiveness, and well, if that never happens, it’s my bed, and I’ll have to lie in it. And if her memory never comes back, I send up a silent prayer that I can make her fall in love with me all over again.