“Yes.” Even in my worst times, I loved her as much as always. But I also wasn’t myself to love her like I usually did.
“Derek, that rocket is going to take off and soar through the sky exactly as you’ve planned—”
“You don’t know that.” I shook my head because I didn’t believe positive thoughts were enough to change the course of the future. I believed in being prepared and actively preventing disasters as the best method for accomplishing your goals. Good thoughts and prayers did nothing for me.
“Alright, maybe I don’t. But spending your time stressing about it isn’t going to change the odds. Come over and have dinner with us. You’ll feel better. I miss you.”
I looked into her bright eyes and saw the sincerity, the way she loved me no matter what my mood was. “I miss you too. But I…really want to be alone right now.”
She couldn’t hide the disappointment that slowly seeped into her features, the pain that burrowed all the way to the bone. She cleared her throat then forced herself to nod. “Alright. I’m taking Lizzie out of school on Monday because she wants to see the launch.”
“You shouldn’t—”
“She really wants to be there, Derek. Not just for her own interest, but to support you. We’re always here for you.”I spent my Saturday checking and double-checking everything.
I treated every launch like there were astronauts inside. When the test launches went well, it usually meant the real rocket launches would go well. But if the test was a disaster…the whole thing was jinxed from the beginning.
It was definitely a bad omen.
Every inch of my dining table was covered with schematics, and the lights outside my window grew brighter and brighter as the night deepened. Emerson used to be my reason for living, but it’d been a really shitty week, and I hoped my week wasn’t about to get shittier. I withdrew into myself like I used to, my soul crawling inside my chest so it could be as safe as possible.
Ryan texted me. We’re going out. You want to come along?
I wanted to ignore him, but that would be a dick thing to do as his best man. Can’t. I’m launching on Monday.
Dude, it’s gonna be fine. Chill and have a drink with us.
I didn’t want to be around anyone right now. Next time. The worst thing I could do right now was come face-to-face with Kevin. I was wound so tight, I might beat the shit out of him the second I looked at him.
Then someone knocked on my door.
I really didn’t want to be disturbed right now, but I hoped it was Emerson because I did miss her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me, but right now, I just couldn’t appreciate that.
I went to the door and saw my dad on the other side, holding a six-pack.
I was always happy to see my dad, but right now, I was a little disappointed.
He held up the beers. “They’re still cold.”
I stepped aside and let him in. “Dad, I’m happy to see you, but I’m working on something right now—”
“Working on something that you’ve already completed to the best of your ability.” He carried the beer to the dining table and folded over a paper so he could set down the drinks. “Derek, there’s nothing you can do at this point. You need to relax.” He grabbed one, twisted off the cap, and then handed it to me.
I took it and felt the condensation under my fingers before I brought it to my lips.
He opened his own before he helped himself to a seat and looked at everything that was spread out. “I’m a smart guy, but I don’t understand anything I’m looking at.”
“I’m not sure I do either.” I sat at the head of the table with my beer in hand.
He scanned everything before he turned to me. “Why don’t you walk me through it?”
“You just said you don’t understand it.”
“But maybe it’ll help you feel better about the whole thing. I’m genuinely interested anyway.”
I set my beer aside and went through everything, which took me about an hour of straight talking. But the more I got into it and fed off my father’s interested expression, the less strained it became. “I checked the joints of the boost thrusters myself, and they’re secure. The detached pod is active too, so that should work if the rocket goes haywire. But a million things can go wrong, and I just…can’t do everything. I checked every detail myself this week, but that’s not enough.”
He stared down at the papers for a while before he drank his third beer. “Derek, this is just a test launch. Why are you so wound up about it?”
“I’m always wound up about test rockets.” He didn’t know because I had never had a girlfriend any previous time, a girlfriend he could text and swap information with. No wonder why they loved Emerson. It was a way for them to keep tabs on me. “You just haven’t seen it.”