I stilled at her reaction. “It was a stupid thing to ask. Just forget—”
“No, no, no, it’s not stupid.” She bent down to pick up the sandwich and set it back on the wrapper. The sandwich was destroyed and inedible at this point. “I’m just surprised you would offer, is all.”
I set half my sandwich in front of her.
Her eyes softened at the gesture as she brought it closer. “I think that would be great…if you’re ready for that.”
“I told my mom I wasn’t, but you know how she is.”
“Yes, she’s pretty persuasive. But Derek, if you don’t want to do it, there’s no pressure. Don’t think about what my mom said.”
“The idea of going out to dinner or something and having to talk to her…sounds like too much. But teaching her how to do math and science, that doesn’t sound too bad. And I told my mom I didn’t want to get involved because I could never get involved and then leave…because my own mother left. But she said I was thinking about it too deeply. If I continue to think about it that way, I’ll never do it. Nobody would. No one knows what’s going to happen in life, and if I continue to think about things in absolute certainties, it’s unrealistic.”
She nodded in agreement. “True.”
“So, I’m just tutoring her. That’s it.”
“I think that’s a good start.”
“You’re comfortable with that?” She was comfortable exposing her daughter to me when I considered it just to be tutoring sessions, just dipping my toes in the water to check the temperature.
“I think it’s a great idea. You’re introducing yourself as her teacher, not as her mother’s boyfriend, a potential stepfather. That’s all it is. No expectations. I can drop her off at your penthouse, and you can just work together. And then I’ll pick her up. You don’t need to come to our apartment.”
I studied her face to make sure she was being genuine. “I’m nervous…”
She nodded. “It’s okay to be nervous.”
“I usually know what I’m doing in any given situation, but I have no idea what I’m doing now.”
“You’re just tutoring her, Derek. That’s it. And you know how to tutor someone. So that’s not true.”
I gave a nod.
She moved her hand across the table and placed it on mine, her fingers giving me a light squeeze.
I stared at our joined fingers and felt less scared, less terrified.
“Lizzie has no idea that we’re seeing each other. So, I’ll tell her you offered to tutor her as a favor to me. She’ll have absolutely no expectation at all. She won’t see you as someone coming into our lives. So, there’s no pressure or commitment whatsoever. You can always back out later if it’s not working, and she’ll have no emotional attachment at all.”6EmersonAny time I tried to get Derek to do something out of his norm, it was like pulling teeth.
Interestingly, he seemed to dread the book signing more than meeting my daughter. Maybe because she was only one person and he was doing something he was comfortable doing, it was different. But the idea of meeting stranger after stranger was terrifying.
He sat across the table from me, his eyes brooding, his attitude festering.
I picked up a couple copies of his book from the bookstore and set them in a stack beside him. There were pens for him to use too.
“So, let’s pretend—”
“How about we go into the bedroom instead?” He was in just his sweatpants and no shirt, so his bare chest was right in my line of sight, his pecs hard like two pieces of solid wood. His fair skin was unblemished, and he didn’t have dark hair on his body like he did on his jawline.
That offer was very difficult to reject. “Afterward.”
He deflated even further, having a silent tantrum. He was so handsome that he was even sexier when he was angry, his brown eyes becoming more intense and authoritative. His bedroom look was similar. That was probably why I liked it.
We were supposed to do this days ago, but when he offered to tutor Lizzie, our plans went out the window. “Derek, we only have a few days before this signing. We need to focus.”
He gave me that cold stare.
I ignored how sexy he looked when he did that. Even when he yelled at me, he was still hot. I got out of my chair, pushed it in, and grabbed a book. My name was on a sticky note, so I approached the table, beaming. “Oh my god, I love your books. It’s so amazing to meet you in person.” I extended my book to him.
He just stared at me.
I waved the book slightly, still smiling.
“This is weird.”
“Just pretend—”
“I don’t have an imagination.”
“Derek, how would you be able to build rockets and rovers without an imagination? Now, come on.” I waved the book again. “Derek Hamilton, it’s so nice to meet you.”