I tried to roll away, but with him over me and his erection still in me, that was impossible. “Of course. Why would anyone want to bang the poor fat little virgin, especially Xavier, the Beast, Stevens?”
His mouth came down on my lips hard, silencing me. His tongue thrust into my mouth, shutting me up in the best way possible. After a moment of surprise, I kissed him back fiercely. And then he lowered himself, his muscled chest pressing against my breasts. He cupped my head with his palms, caging me in with his forearms. He kissed my ear, murmuring. “I hope you won’t come to regret this, Evie, like I will.”
I didn’t get the chance to consider his words because he pressed his hips forward. The pressure inside of me became close to unbearable. He looked down at my face, an intense look on his own. My gaze locked on his, on the gentler, concerned note in his gray eyes.
I dug my fingernails deeper into his shoulders, but he didn’t even wince. He kept slowly pushing deeper into me until I could feel my body yielding to his pressure, and then he slid all the way in. The air left my lungs in a whoosh. It hurt like hell.
He kissed my temple, then my forehead. My heart fluttered at the gentle gesture, so unlike the Xavier of the tabloids. Our bodies were flush together. He was so strong and powerful, for once making me feel small and delicate, and not like the dumpling that I was. I wanted to tell him that I’d fallen for him many movie nights ago. “I really wish your Maserati were a compensation for your penis size,” I said, out of breath.
He chuckled. “Sorry, Evie. I don’t need to compensate for anything.”
As if I didn’t know it. I winced again. His thumb stroked my cheek, lightly, almost lovingly. “Tell me when it’s okay for me to move.”
I wasn’t sure if that would ever be the case. My body definitely wasn’t in favor of movement.
“You’re making a face as if you’re trying to solve a complicated equation. This is sex, not Sudoku.”
I huffed. “You are not being split in two.”
His expression softened. “That bad, hmm?”
That look on his face—it was worth the pain.
“I’ve had better experiences.”
“With whom?” he asked harshly.
I frowned. “Not like that. You were the first guy to get to second base. And the few kisses I’ve had, had been more disturbing than memorable.”
“You Americans and your bases,” he said with a grin, then lowered his voice. “No guy ever touched your wonderful tits?”
“That’s the thing that caught your attention?” I asked indignantly.
His eyes travelled over my upper body in apparent awe. Heat rose into my cheeks.
“They are marvelous,” he said reverently.
I started laughing, and slowly the tension in my core loosened. I fell silent. Again, stunned by the man above me—inside me. “You can move,” I said quietly.
And he did. He was slow and gentle, as if we had all the time in the world. He never took his eyes off my face even when his own became more and more strained. I could have watched him forever, if there hadn’t been the little issue of pain. Xavier didn’t falter in his thrusts, and when he reached between us and his fingers found my sweet spot, some of the pain disappeared. I wasn’t sure how long he could continue, but his stamina was admirable. Eventually, I dared to whisper, “Can you come?”
Xavier’s brows snapped together. “I want you to come first.”
Admirable but unrealistic. “I don’t think I can come,” I got out, flushing.
Xavier faltered in his thrusts. “That bad? Should I stop?”
“I want to see you come,” I admitted.
“I don’t want to hurt you worse.”
“Please, Xavier.”
Something in his eyes shifted, something that filled my chest with warmth.
He kissed me lightly. “I’ll be quick. I’m not going to last much longer if I let loose. You’re too fucking tight.” He sped up a bit, his thrusts hitting deeper than before.
I clung to his neck. “Come.”
By now, he was moving faster and harder than my body was happy about, but I wanted to see him come. I didn’t think I’d ever wanted anything more.
And then he finally tensed, his head falling forward as he jerked inside of me. Sweat trickled down his chest. I slid my fingers through the fine dark hairs there, over the steel of his muscles. He breathed out, his stomach flexing. He stayed like that for a while, and I couldn’t help but feel a stupid sense of triumph that a man like him wanted me.
He pulled out and let himself fall to the bed beside me before he slid his hand under my waist and pulled me toward him like I weighed nothing. I pressed my face into his chest, marveling at the hammering of his heart, at his musky scent.
I was utterly and completely in love.
And the throbbing between my legs was joined by another pain, a hollow sensation in my chest, because Xavier didn’t do love. He didn’t even date. He fucked and rucked. Everyone knew it.
“Are you all right?” Xavier asked in a deep after-sex rumble I’d never heard before, a voice like warm honey and crisp autumn leaves.
My throat tightened.
Xavier tensed. “Evie?”
“I’m fine,” I said quietly but firmly.
Xavier drew back, probably to look at my face, but I pressed my cheek harder against his chest, scared my feelings for him would be plain as day.
“I want to see your face,” he murmured. His voice had a quality to it I didn’t recognize. My curiosity won out and I finally lifted my head.
Xavier’s dark brows were drawn together, his short hair mussed up, and guilt shone in his eyes. He had no reason to feel guilty. Everything between us had been my choice. He didn’t say anything, only searched my face, and I let him. I took my time admiring him, the dark stubble ghosting his strong jaw and sharp cheekbones, the piercing gray of his eyes like a summer sky before an impending storm, those kissable lips capable of the most infuriating smirk in the history of humankind. Love hadn’t been part of the plan.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked quietly. His worry upped my emotions, and it took considerable effort to keep it from showing on my face.
“It’s getting better.” I had a feeling the real hurt was yet to come, in the morning, when the harsh reality smacked me in the face. “Can we go to sleep now?”
He nodded but the look of regret and guilt remained, and I knew why: he, too, was thinking of the next morning.
I kissed Xavier once, lightly, sweetly, then rested my cheek against his firm chest. He shifted and the lights went out. It took me a while to feel tired, and even longer to fall asleep.
Sunshine tickled my face. I opened my eyes, staring out at a familiar skyline, at the blue late-summer sky over the harbor bridge. I knew at once where I was and the soreness reminded me what had happened. I’d been here too many mornings picking up the pieces after Xavier was done with his latest conquest.
And now I was that conquest, only nobody would tell me beautiful lies. The bed shifted under someone’s weight. He was still here?
Hope flooded me. Slowly, I rolled over until I faced his direction.
His back was turned toward me, ripped and broad. Glorious muscles. I fought the urge to run my fingertips over them. I licked my lips, wondering what to say. Too many thoughts whirled in my head.
I was glad that I didn’t find words before Xavier turned around to me. His expression silenced any romantic nonsense I’d wanted to utter.
I was one of those girls.
The girls I’d pitied for being stupid enough to think they could finally be the one for Xavier. The one to change his Casanova ways. Hadn’t Xavier himself ridiculed their idiotic hopes?
Good lord, I was a stupid cow.
Xavier’s eyes were guarded, and worse: guilty. He didn’t say anything, didn’t have to. I knew how this usually went, had been there to usher the girls out or see Xavier practically push them out. I wouldn’t let it come to that. I wanted to salvage th
e little bit of dignity I still had. I slid out of bed, pulling the blankets with me. I couldn’t bear the idea of Xavier seeing my imperfectness in the bright morning light.
Wrapping the blanket around my body, I began picking up my clothes from the floor, then quickly left the bedroom and headed for the guest bathroom downstairs. My first walk of shame.
I didn’t bother with a shower. I needed to get out of Xavier’s apartment as fast as possible. My composure was hanging on a thread.
I stepped into my skirt, dragging it up over my too wide hips. Then my nylons ripped as I tried to pull them up. I dropped them in the garbage bin, and tugged my tank top and sweater over my head. I slid into my pumps before I hurried out of the bathroom. Xavier was standing in his open kitchen, two cups of coffee in front of him, his eyes following me with that horrible guilty look in them.
If he thought I was having awkward post-coitus coffee with him, he had lost his mind. It was obvious that he wasn’t sure how to let me down easily. I was his assistant after all, and not some stranger he could give a fake phone number to. I considered saying something like “thanks for the night” or “good lay,” but I knew I wouldn’t be able to pull it off.
Instead I snatched my purse from the sofa and practically fled the apartment without another word. I wasn’t sure if I could ever face him again.
Evie escaped from my apartment as if the devil was after her. There really was no other way to describe it. I couldn’t deny it: I was relieved. I rubbed my temple. Last night was a huge fucking mistake. Not my first and definitely not my last, but perhaps the one I’d come to regret the most.
I got up and went upstairs into the bedroom. I needed to grab a shower. My eyes landed on the white sheets. I stopped. “Fuck,” I said at the not-so-white sheets. Evie was the funniest woman I knew. She was the best assistant I’d ever had. The first female friend. And I had listened to my fucking dick and popped her cherry.
She knew me. She knew I didn’t date. Then why was I feeling like the biggest asshole in the world?
She knew me. Maybe this was just sex for her, an easy way to get rid of her V-card. Fuck. Evie was a friend. She was…more than that: my conscience and ass saver. And even that still felt too inadequate a description for what Evie meant to me.
The sound of a key being turned gave me a burst of hope as I hurried to the landing, but it disappeared when I saw Nancy come in to clean the apartment.
It was my day off, nothing scheduled for the day except for training with Connor in the afternoon, but I felt restless.
Nancy came upstairs and gave me a curt nod in greeting. She was one of the least talkative women I knew. As usual she moved toward the bed first to strip it and do laundry. She paused, eyes going from the red spot to me.
“Evie is a good woman,” was all she said. I wasn’t sure how she knew. “She came out of your apartment looking like she’d seen a ghost. What have you done now, Xavier?”
That was a guilt trip I didn’t need. I moved into the bathroom and got into the shower, needing to clear my mind. If Nancy didn’t want to see my meat she’d just have to clean with closed eyes, damn it.
I hauled my ass over to the gym. Connor and I wanted to do weights. Of course, I spotted Fiona with him, sitting on his lap in the waiting area of the gym. She was already dressed in street clothes, so she wouldn’t bother us during our session.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey, dickhead,” Fiona said with a roll of her eyes. Connor smiled as if she’d told the joke of a lifetime.
“Can I ask you something about your sister Evie?” I asked as I put my gym bag down on the floor, stopping a few steps from them—safety distance.
Fiona gave me a questioning look. “You’re not her type.”
“You don’t even know what I was going to ask,” I muttered. “And I am her type. I’m every woman’s type.”
Fiona shook her head. “You aren’t my type, Xavier.”
Ignoring her usual bitchiness, I said, “Is your sister the no-strings-attached kind of girl?”
She chortled with laughter. “Get that idea out of your head quickly, Xavier,” she said. “Evie is the waiting-for-the-love-of-her-life kind of girl. She won’t spread her legs for anyone but a guy she’s in love with.”
Where was a bottle of whisky when you needed it? I had feared it might be the case. Deep down I had maybe even known it.
She froze, eyes going wide, then she rose slowly.
Connor gave me an are-you-raving-mad look as he glanced between his girlfriend and me.
Shit was about to hit the fan.
“Oh no,” Fiona said, laughing uncertainly. “Don’t tell me...” She fell silent, scanning my face. She shook her head. “You didn’t.”
“You make it sound like I had to force her. She was more than willing, believe me.”
Stupid mouth.
Fiona lost her shit. She threw her purse at me, which I dodged. It hit a guy behind me but Fiona didn’t care. She staggered toward me. I didn’t bother trying to get away. I probably deserved whatever ass kicking she had prepared.
“You can have every girl, but couldn’t you have kept it in your pants in that one case? This isn’t some joke, Xavier. Evie deserves better. I hope your horniness was worth hurting the nicest person you’ll ever meet.”
I stayed silent. There was no cool comment on my lips. Evie was the nicest girl I knew, and the only one whose snarky comments had almost made beer shoot out of my nose.
She shook her head again, in disgust this time. “I’m going to pick up the pieces of your selfishness, you bastard, because for once, Evie can’t do it.”
Fiona pushed past me, snatched her purse from the floor and rushed out of the gym without another backwards glance.
When she was gone, I looked at Connor. “She makes it sound like I’m the only one who’s messed up. Evie is my assistant. She knows me.”
“Everyone knows,” Connor agreed as he stood. “The press reports about it every day.”
I slung my gym bag over my shoulder. “See. She knew what she got herself into.”
Connor shrugged. I wished he wasn’t giving me that disappointed look, as if I’d broken his stupid little heart.
It’s not his heart you’ve broken.
“What?” I asked angrily.
“She knew you threw away the attention groupies and the it-girls. But you spent almost every day with her. You introduced her to your family. You had movie nights with her.”
“I introduced her as my assistant!”
“You never have before with other assistants.” Connor sighed and gripped his gym bag. “Know what, mate, I don’t care. I only know that I’ll have to live with a fucking mad Fiona for the next few days while you’re probably going to fuck the next girl tonight.”
“Nobody forces you to be with Fiona.”
He gave me a condescending smile. “See, that’s what you don’t understand. While Fiona drives me up the walls half the time, the other half she makes me the happiest I’ve ever been.”
I rolled my eyes. I’d liked him better before Fiona. “Did you know that Evie was a virgin?”
Connor grimaced. “Fiona mentioned it to me.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“Mate, why would I talk about Evie’s virginity to you, or anyone for that matter?”
I nodded.
“To be honest, I didn’t think you’d make a move on her.”
“Yeah, well, you were wrong.”
“Obviously.” He shook his head. “Trust you to fuck anything as long as it has a pussy.”
“Careful,” I growled.
A slow grin spread on Connor’s face. “Are you being protective of Evie?”
“We’re here to do weights, not gossip,” I said, tightening my hold on my bag and moving past Connor before his annoying expression made me want to punch him.
A key turned in the lock.
I didn’t move from my spot on the sofa, nor did I look up from the empty buc
ket of ice cream in my lap, chocolate chip with cookie dough. I was about to start the second bucket, even though I was already feeling pretty sick. Heels clicked on the hardwood floor as Fiona walked over to me and sank down beside me, carrying a bag with another bucket of ice cream and a bag of chips. She knew me too well.
She regarded me and I knew she knew. “How did you find out?” I croaked.
“Came across the ass hat in the gym.”
I cringed. “And he told you?”
“He asked if you were the no-strings-attached kind of girl. I threw my purse at him.”
She stroked my head, then she reached over, grabbing the ice cream bucket and stealing my spoon before shoving a spoonful into her mouth. My eyebrows shot up. She took another spoon before offering a spoonful to me.
“I must be a pitiful sight if you’ll forget about carbs and risk your size zero,” I said jokingly. My voice was scratchy from crying for hours.
Fiona shoved another spoonful into her mouth, almost defiantly, then spoke with ice cream in her mouth. I couldn’t remember the last time Fiona had displayed such an unladylike behavior. “Who cares about carbs?”
And then the tears came again. “I’m such a stupid cow, Fiona.”
“I know,” Fiona said quietly, putting the bucket aside and wrapping her arm around my shoulder.
I gave her a look.
“You are,” she said affectionately. “How could you let that dickhead get so close, and worse, his dick?”
“I don’t know. It just happened. He can be so funny and caring and gentle.”
“But he can also be the biggest womanizing egocentric asshole in the world, Evie. And you know it. Hell, you’ve seen him do all kind of assholey things. You complained to me about all of them.”
“I know.” But he’d never been like that to me. Until now. For some reason I’d thought things could be different between us.
“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have asked you to become his assistant. But I didn’t think he’d make a move toward you.”
I pulled back, realizing something. “You thought he wouldn’t make a move because he didn’t do fat girls, right?”