I gave her a look. “Because after what happened, I couldn’t even think about anything
like that without reliving everything.”
“And now?”
“I feel attracted to Zach.” I paused. “I want to kiss him.”
She grinned. “So when you see Zach’s muscled body, you do feel something?”
I definitely felt something whenever I saw Zach. “Yeah, I guess. It’s complicated. I don’t know what to do.”
“You have to be in control, Amber. Be the one to make the first step. Take matters in your own hands. Show Zach what you want. He’s probably as unsure and confused as you are. He needs your guidance.”
“Right. You said it yourself, he’s experienced and I’m not.”
“That’s got nothing to do with it. He’s never been with a girl like you. His usual women drop their panties at a smile from him. They most definitely weren’t virgins.”
Tears sprang into my eyes. “I’m not a virgin,” I whispered harshly.
“Yes, you are,” Reagan half-growled. “What those three assholes did to you was against your will. You never slept with a guy. You were violated. That doesn’t count.” She blinked rapidly.
I drew in a deep breath through my nose, forcing the tears back. I wasn’t going to cry. I’d shed too many tears over what happened. “It doesn’t feel like it.”
“When, if you ever decide to sleep with Zach or someone else, you’ll see what I mean.”
“I don’t know if I can ever sleep with Zach.”
“One step at a time. Just remember to take control.”
“Okay,” I said. Take control, was that even something I could do? Three years ago control was ripped from my hands and since then I’d never managed to reclaim it. Maybe Reagan was right. Maybe I needed to finally get it back. And what better way to do it than with Zach? He wouldn’t hurt me.
The door swung open, and Zach entered. His eyes darted between Reagan and me, and familiar warmth settled in my stomach. “Everything okay?”
I smiled. “Yes.” I tried to look past him. “Where’s Brian?”
“In his room.”
“Is he okay with…us?”
“As okay as he can be.” Zach took a carton of orange juice from the fridge and took a big gulp.
“Pig,” Reagan said. “You could use a glass.”
Zach winked at me. “Amber doesn’t mind.”
Reagan stood. “I should get back to Kevin. He’s probably already sulking.” She gave me a meaningful look as she passed and disappeared. Zach put the orange juice back into the fridge. It was already almost eleven, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what Reagan had said. I wanted to kiss, Zach. Take control.
I bit my lip.
“You have a strange look on your face,” Zach said with a grin, then became serious. “Are we okay? Did Reagan say anything about me? Anything bad?”
I laughed. “No.” I gathered my courage. “I want to kiss you.”
Zach’s eyebrows shot up. “You can kiss me whenever you want. You kissed me today.”
“I mean,” I said, my voice turning into a whisper. “I want a real kiss.” Could this get any more embarrassing?
Zach straightened, surprised. “Sure.”
“Can you sit down?” The words rushed out of me.
Confusion flickered on his face but he sank down on the chair Reagan had sat in without protest. I stood and slowly walked over to him. With him sitting, I had a couple of inches on him. He tilted his head up, not making any move to reach out for me. His hands rested on his thighs. He was trying to look as harmless as a man of his size and stature possibly could. Was Reagan right? Was he as nervous about this as me? Who knew what Brian had threatened him with? I stepped between his legs and put my hands down on his shoulders. Take control.
I’d kissed two boys before the incident, but this felt new. I wasn’t that girl anymore. She’d been broken, crushed, obliterated. For a long time I’d mourned her, had cried over the fact that she was lost to me forever and with her my happiness, my life, my future. Maybe what had been broken couldn’t be mended, maybe I could never be the girl from the past, but I could become someone new.
Zach’s eyes searched my face. I’d thought I could never trust a man again. Take control, I reminded myself again. It was a mere kiss, a kiss I’d been dreaming about for days now. But what if the worst happened and I had a panic attack? Would Zach decide I wasn’t worth the trouble? “Tell me what you’re thinking,” Zach murmured. Something stirred in me at the worry in his tone. I wanted this. I wanted to feel Zach’s lips on mine.
I brought my face closer to his until our breath mingled. Zach’s blue eyes bored into me, soft and encouraging. Maybe my brother was right. Maybe Zach was a mistake, but he was a mistake I wanted to make. It would be my choice. I pressed my mouth against his, my eyes closing. Gathering my courage, I touched my tongue to his lips, hoping he’d understand it as permission and take lead. Zach lifted one arm and gently cupped my cheek, then he opened his mouth and his tongue slipped past my lips. He was hot and tasted so good, and every brush of his tongue against mine sent a small shiver of pleasure through my body. I could even feel it in my toes. My choice. His tongue became more demanding and heat pooled in my belly. I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling, but it was so good, so freeing. I never wanted this to stop, this feeling of being in control of my body, my wants. Zach’s other hand came up to touch my back. My legs felt weak as our mouths glided over each other. I raked my fingers through Zach’s hair, and if possible the sensations cursing through my body got even more intense. I pulled back to catch my breath, my eyes fluttering open and meeting Zach’s gaze. The corners of his lips turned up and I couldn’t help but smile back. “You okay?” he asked softly, lowering his hand from my cheek.
“Better than okay.” My skin was still burning but this time it wasn’t only from embarrassment. I wanted to kiss him again and again.
Zach
My blood was pounding in my veins. Amber’s lips were swollen and red from our kiss and I wanted to press my mouth against hers again, wanted to kiss her until she lost all sense of herself. But it was late and my cock was already getting hard in my pants. I shifted, dropping my hands in my lap to hide the bulge. Amber didn’t need to see it. We were making progress and I didn’t want to ruin it because I wasn’t able to control my dick.
I wanted to take Amber to my room, wanted to lower her to my bed and find out if every part of her body tasted as good as her mouth. Fuck, she would be my undoing. I rubbed a hand over my face. “I’m tired.”
Disappointment flickered across Amber’s face. “Oh, right. It’s late.” She stepped back from between my legs, suddenly looking self-conscious.
“I can’t wait to kiss you again and again,” I said, and she lit up. She leaned forward and brushed a quick kiss across my lips. I almost groaned and my fucking cock actually twitched. This was sweet torture. “Sleep tight,” she whispered before she snuck out of the kitchen.
I wouldn’t sleep for a long time. When I was sure that Amber was in her room, I got up. My pants were too fucking tight for my hard-on.
In my room, I sank down on my desk chair and pulled out my cock, dropping my head on the backrest. I gripped my dick and started rubbing.
Images of Amber filled my head as I came all over my hand. I cleaned myself up, pulled on boxer shorts and fell back on my bed with a groan. Jerking off alone in my room wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I’d hoped it would be, but I’d just have to get used to it for now until Amber was ready for more. I really hoped that would be the case soon but I knew I couldn’t pressure her. I wouldn’t.
***
Screams tore through my sleep. I sat up, blinking into the darkness of my room. What was going on? I tried to shake off the remnants of my tiredness. Another scream sounded. I tensed. Amber. I threw off the blankets and leaped out of bed, then bolted out of my room and toward hers. Brian opened his door, his hair a mess. I stepped into Amber’s room, not caring if Brian disapproved. She was thrashing in her bed, the blankets tangled around her feet. She was only wearing a nig
htgown and her bare legs were slick with sweat. I tore my eyes away and walked up to the bed. She was crying, tears trailing over red cheeks. I wasn’t sure what to do.
I needed to free her from the horrors of her nightmare but I didn’t want to scare her. Brian was watching me from the doorway. I bet he hoped I’d turn on my heel and tell him I couldn’t deal with this. I bet he’d love to see me fail now when the relationship between Amber and me was still new and easy to break up. Amber whimpered, her arms flailing against an invisible assailant. Bile rose in my throat at the thought of what she’d been through. I wanted to kill the bastards that had hurt her, wanted to rip them to tiny shreds. I sank down on the edge of the bed and reached for her shoulder. The second my palm brushed her naked skin, she jolted awake, eyes wide and fearful. She lashed out with a cry, catching my face with her hand. My lip burned but I fought my instinct to grab her arm to protect myself. I wouldn’t restrain her. I’d been hit far worse in fight matches. Her eyes froze on my face. It took a moment for her to recognize me, then the panic and fight drained out of her. She sat up, breathing heavily. She scanned my face and her eyes grew wide. She touched a fingertip to my lower lip and looked at it. There was blood.
“Did I do that?” she asked in horror.
“It’s nothing.”
“I’m sorry.” She covered her face with her palms.
“It’s okay. Everything is okay.” I was about to get up when she lowered her hands and looked at me pleadingly. “Can you stay? Just for a little while.”
I was shocked by her request. I would have thought that she didn’t want me near after a nightmare. “Of course,” I said. Brian gave me a warning look. Did he think I’d actually try something after what I’d witnessed just now? I wasn’t that much of an asshole. He slipped out and quietly closed the door. Amber had never even noticed he was there. She moved to the side so I had more room on the bed. I sat back against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of me. Amber put her head back on the pillow, then she linked her hand with mine and closed her eyes. “I feel safe with you,” she mumbled.